I use tarot and oracle cards as tools for reflection and contemplation. Rather than divining the future, they are a way for me to look more deeply at the "now."
"The goal isn't to arrive, but to meander, to saunter, to make your life a holy wandering." ~ Rami Shapiro

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Bonfire of Grief

From the Hezicos Tarot, Death; from the Way of the Horse, Bonfire:
What delight is there in seeing the bleached bones,
Like gourds thrown away,
Dried and scattered in the autumn sun?
~ Dhammapada
          I can't even remember when I first pondered my own death; I imagine it was the death of a pet as a child that first spurred the thoughts. Now as I age, I search the obituaries for the names of friends or colleagues. I watch my mother-in-law, who is encased in a 95 year old body in which dementia is rapidly taking control. She is miserable, yet even she fights to continue to live. I've been trying to work with small endings lately, such as when something breaks or wears out, or when a friend moves or stops being interested in our relationship. These have become my "death" practices - to learn how to embrace and accept these lessons in impermanence. Sogyal Rinpoche wrote, "Death is like a mirror in which the true meaning of life is reflected." His words remind me that how I care for the people and things in my life matter, even if they are all like library books which must be returned some day. 
          The Bonfire card reminds me of the literal definition of nirvana - to extinguish. It is a Buddhist term that describes freedom from what binds us. The card itself suggests a release of tremendous energy that burns through any blocks to a wider perspective. Resistance just creates a bigger fuel source; it burns fiercely (and painfully) until we release what we grip so tightly. What is it I must let go of? I think it is the pain I see my husband and sister-in-law experience, as they deal with the slow process of the death of their mother. I can't protect them from it, and trying to do so may only exacerbate their grief. Better to let the bonfire of mourning cleanse them instead and support them through it.

8 comments:

  1. Well said. To watch someone we love wither and diminish can be such a hard trial. My good thoughts are with you and your family. Leaving the planet is a challenge that when the time comes we just don't want to go.

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    1. It is a trial, not just to watch her wither away, but also to experience the pain of those who love her.

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  2. It sounds pretty cruel, but learning to not being invested in the outcome helps me find a safe place from which to help or stand back.

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    1. Detach from the outcome while being present with the people sounds like wise advice my friend.

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  3. This post hits home for me. No words to share but a gentle hug my friend

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    1. I appreciate your understanding and kindness, Ellen.

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  4. I can relate, and I send gentle hugs your way. When I was younger, I never contemplated growing old, or the fact that my parents would. It has been a painful exp. watching my mother age. She went from being young, feisty and full of life to being little, old and frail. Her eye sight has left her, and she has had four strokes. I am reminded daily of the time I should have given her but didn't. :(

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    1. Sending gentle hugs back to you too, Bridgett. It helps to share with others like yourself who have gone through or are going the same caretaking role.

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