Tea Time

From the Idiosyncradeck, the Seven of Cups; from the Mixed Emotions Cards, Confident:

          Black tea, green tea, chamomile, lemon balm, peppermint... the list of available teas seems to be limitless. The Seven of Cups is that moment of decision when we consider what will fulfill us and then pursue it. It may seem simple until we have to make that choice ourselves, then we may be plagued with 'buts' and 'what ifs.' The words of Bill Wilson offer some wisdom:

Wise men and women rightly give a top rating to the virtue of prudence. They know that without this all-important attribute little wisdom is to be had. Mere ‘looking before we leap’ is not enough. If our looking is charged with fear, suspicion, or anger, we had better not have looked or acted at all.

But once we decide, with discernment and a sense of peace, we should take that leap as the Confident card illustrates. But what if we later find we still made the wrong decision? Bill again offers some advice:

We lose the fear of making decisions, great and small, as we realize that should our choice prove wrong we can, if we will, learn from the experience.

Secret Histories

From the Idiosyncradeck, the Six of Cups; from the Mixed Emotions Cards, Jealous:

If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

          The Six of Cups shows a table set for a tea party, perhaps nostalgic for some but not for me. I definitely didn't have that kind of childhood. However, that doesn't mean I don't have any good memories of growing up. My good times involved being outside in wide-open spaces or learning to create with scraps and discarded items. I won't say that I didn't envy the lives of other children; I remember desperately wanting to be adopted by my best friend's family in elementary school. But age and working with others has given me a wider perspective. Those lives that look so perfect on the outside, with big houses and fancy cars, often hide a lot of fear, misery, and grief on the inside.

Outlook Murky

From the Idiosyncradeck, the Moon; from the Mixed Emotions Cards, Exhausted:

          A full moon rises over an undefined landscape; even at its brightest, it fails to clearly illuminate what lies below it. My mind does not care for vague boundaries, ambiguous instructions or blurry obligations. It responds by setting up a structure of expectations that are often rigid and perfectionistic with a timer counting down the remaining minutes and hours. My mind then drives my body until I am stressed and overwhelmed (Exhausted). The lesson here is that my mind is not always reliable or trustworthy. There's no need to put on that yoke and if there's no real wagon to pull.

Blinkered Focus

From the Idiosyncradeck, the Five of Cups; from the Mixed Emotions Cards, Happy:

          A once full teacup lies shattered on the floor. It is a good description of the sudden end of a relationship, whether it comes from betrayal, a cold shoulder, or physical loss. At that moment, my world shrinks down to that event, blocking out the rest of the world. It is all my mind thinks about, as if everything else has been frozen. But the Happy card suggests that I don't have to identify my life with this singular event. Yes, I will grieve the relationship, but I don't have to self-identify with it as if it was the only thing that made my life worthwhile.

Both wisdom and compassion shift our sense of identity away from ourselves toward the wider human, biotic, and cosmic community to which we belong.

—Ven. Bhikkhu Bodhi 

Mistakes Aren't Failures

From the Idiosyncradeck, the Six of Arrows (Wands); from the Mixed Emotions Cards, Inspired:

          Only four of the arrows are visible in this card; two went wide, two fell short and two hit the bullseye. My generation seems to be caught in the expectation of perfection. Yet in the real world, mistakes are made and adjustments are taken. Those arrows that missed weren't failures, they were simply steps on the way to achieving the goal. The pairing of the Six of Wands with the Inspired card suggests that even when I lack confidence, I can look to others who kept trying until they succeeded. I can have faith that if others have climbed their mountains, with effort and perseverance, I can find my way too. 

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

~Dale Carnegie

Boundaries and Integrity

From the Idiosyncradeck, the Seven of Arrows (Wands); from the Mixed Emotions Cards, Fulfilled:

          A high wall protects against an onslaught of arrows. It represents maintaining our boundaries and holding our ground as we face passive-aggressive humor, those who judge without facts, and people who like to feel superior to others. Yes, there are those who have wisdom we should heed, but in this case, it is simply about guarding ourselves against those who don't have our best interests at heart. The Fulfillment card reminds me there is a big difference between self-esteem and 'other-esteem,' which has a way of shaping our thoughts and behaviors. As Mel Schwartz explains, "Authentic self-esteem is not dependent upon others or things external to us. Such self-esteem is a manifestation of our relationship with ourselves." Do my actions flow from integrity, guided by ethics? Fulfillment comes when I can look in the mirror and see a face I respect.

Happiness is not a goal. It’s a by-product of a life well-lived.

~Eleanor Roosevelt

Don't Feed It

This week I'll be using the Idiosyncradeck Tarot, created and self-published by Jessica Bott. Along with it, I'll be drawing from the Mixed Emotions Cards, created by Petra Martin with Kris Wiltse (Illustrator) and published by Heron Lake Press. Today's draws are the Four of Cups and Comforted:

          On a cupboard sits one lonely teacup. It represents that feeling of being unmotivated and out of sync with the rest of the world. I can recognize this mood in myself after I've had several days of adrenaline-pumping, feet-flying, mind-zooming activity. When I'm back to normal, I feel lost, exhausted and uninspired. If I spend to much time worrying about how I feel, I'll convince myself that I've lost my zest for living. But it's only a temporary mood and will fade unless I feed it. Comforted reminds me of how much our society needs to teach people how to self-comfort. The media suggests that we buy, eat, drink or take a pill to make ourselves feel better, but this is no remedy. However, there are healthier alternatives that can help ground us until we feel better:

• Gentle movement like stretching or taking a short, slow walk.
• Visualization of a real or imaginary place that brings you joy.
• Music (upbeat or relaxing).
• Personal contact with someone you trust.
• Time spent with a pet.
• Warm baths or showers, scented candles or incense, bird watching - things that will feed your senses in a wholesome way.
• Zooming out to see the bigger picture.
• Conscious breathing, such as the three-part-breath (relax the abdomen and let it expand as you slowly inhale, following the rise of your chest and shoulders, then observe the reverse process as you exhale).