A Good Death of Sorts

From the Gaian Tarot, Death; from the Goddess Oracle, 'Lilith:'

          For months I have lived with spirit-crushing, unending pain. I went from one doctor's diagnosis to a specialist, then to a second specialist and a third. I've spent thousands of dollars, taken medicines that were supposed to help, and followed through on every suggestion given. When the pain became suffocating, my mind reacted and began to think of ways to permanently escape it. I pulled out every spiritual tool in my toolbox to cope. I felt just like the broken boat and decaying heron in this card. Yet today, I am the eagle flying above the glistening water. The pain is gone, thanks to the last doctor I saw who found the cause. Lilith, a goddess labeled a demon by Jewish mythology, was Adam's first wife who refused to be submissive to him. Her message is not to give my power away. No need to blame those who ineffectively treated me; I'm experiencing too much joy being blissfully pain-free at the moment. But the next time other's ignore the feedback I give them in favor of what they think they know, I will seek help elsewhere much faster.

An Anniversary

From the Gaian Tarot, the Canoe (Chariot); from the Goddess Oracle, "Lilith:"

          I had to smile when the Canoe/Chariot popped up today, because I am celebrating an anniversary of sorts - 27 years of being clean and sober. I can see the focus, determination and self-discipline reflected in this man's face that keeps him moving in the right direction; having a similar purpose requires the same of me. Yet my objective has changed a bit over the years. It is not drugs or alcohol I struggle with any longer, but emotional sobriety. I can get intoxicated by them as well; it can lead me to unhealthy behavior that harms others and myself. This is the reason I paddle along with Lojong slogans and other spiritual tools in my canoe. I'm definitely still a work in progress.
          In Jewish folklore (beginning around the 8th century), Lilith appears as Adam's first wife. She was made from the earth at the same time he was, but she refused to be subservient to him. When she left Adam and the Garden of Eden, mythology transformed her into a female demon. I don't know of any woman alive today (unless they've "sipped the kool-aide") who wouldn't recognize the attempt to keep women from power in this story. I've experienced this in recovery, first when a few women and myself started a women-only meeting (to protect newcomers from some of the male predators who showed up at mixed meetings). We were labeled as Satan worshipers by the fundamentalist members, yet we continued on (and that meeting is still going strong over ten years later). Being out of the religious mainstream (and in the Deep South Bible Belt), I've also caught flack for speaking out for myself and others whose spiritual path veers off the Christian highway. Like Lilith, I think we all should have the freedom to find our own way instead of being forced to submit to someone else's ideas.

Hidden Knowledge and Power

  From the Gaian Tarot, the Moon:

Phases of the moon circle around a woman as she lifts up water in her cupped hands.  The salmon, wolf, and owl accompany her, representing wisdom, instruction, and the ability to see what is hidden.  Humans are so cut off from nature; we love to surf the internet for lovely pictures or watch the latest wildlife show on public television, but rarely do we get out in it.  Even more unlikely is that we would ever consider nature had something to teach us.  Behind this woman is a carving in stone, the Venus of Laussel created approximately 23,000 years ago in France.  The horn with the 13 notches she holds represents the full moons in one year; her hand on her belly indicates she knew intimately how her body was connected to the lunar phases.  The lessons and insights nature offers us are hidden in plain sight; the natural world only requires that we spend time there without expectation or prejudice to discern its wisdom.  Patience and an open mind will be rewarded.

     From the Goddess Oracle, "Lilith: Power:"

I've often heard Lilith described as the "bad girl of the Bible."  Why was she bad?  Simply because she chose to follow what she felt was right, rather than listen to what a man told her to do.  I shudder when I think how many times young females hear, "Now be a good girl.  Mind your teachers (parents, preachers...)."  Heaven forbid that we decide that we can think for ourselves.  Even as an adult woman, I still feel twinges of the past when I tell someone "no" or insist on doing things in my own way.  Lilith reminds me that it's time to reclaim our power and our brains.