Passing It Down

From the Songs for the Journey Home, the Ten of Wave Songs (Ten of Cups); from the Magic Neko Deck, the Jack of Spades:

The songs of our ancestors are also the songs of our children.

―Philip Carr-Gomm

What a gift it is to pass the habit of love and kindness on to future generations. Although there are many positive patterns we might inherit, there are also others that are not. When repeated over and over, passed down from one to another, they begin to see normal. The cold days of winter are a perfect time to reflect on how we respond and relate to life with an objective eye. Just because our family has always been this way doesn't mean it's beneficial. The Jack of Spades' balls of yarn remind me of one great thing about learning to crochet: if you make a mistake, you can simply pull on the yarn and unravel it. Likewise, becoming aware of unhealthy ancestral patterns is the first step to changing them. Future generations may depend on our choice. 

You've Been There for Me

This week I'll be using three decks, all created by Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm and illustrated by Will Worthington. The Druidcraft Tarot and the Druid Plant Oracle were published by Connections; the Druid Animal Oracle was published by St. Martin's Press. I've combined the two oracles and will be using them as one deck. Today's draws are the Ten of Cups and Madder:

It is the friendships I made and the close family ties I nurtured that have provided me with that sense of satisfaction at a life well lived, and have made me what I am.

―Lee Kuan Yew

If we're really lucky, we have a family we can fold ourselves into when life is stressful or difficult. Such a place gives us a chance to catch our breath, laugh or cry, and remember that we love and are loved. Last night my daughter watched an old movie with me - Fly Away Home - that always seems to make my heart lighter (even though the theme song never fails to make me cry). We all need to find a special place and way to revive our spirits. Madder is the sole vegetative true red; for over 3,000 years, this plant's roots have been the source of a striking red dye that has colored fabrics, graced paintings, and played a pivotal role in trade. It's red represents strength, courage and rites of passage. I finally received an official letter from the Social Security office - my own rite of passage - so in February, I will have Medicare and retirement. Jumping through all the hoops was stressful, but I am thankful to my husband who helped me persevere.

Coming and Staying

From Tarot by Caro, the Ten of Cups; from the Holitzka I Ching, Hexagram 13:

Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.

―Henry Ford

Anyone who's ever owned a house knows that no matter how nice it is, it will require upkeep. Families and partnerships are no different. People change as the years go by and develop new ideas and activities. Unity can thrive with diversity if we don't assume everyone needs to be the same. Emotional awareness (the ability to recognize and understand your own emotions and those of others) and emotional intelligence (using emotional awareness to guide thinking and behavior) are important keys. Hexagram 13 is about gathering with others; it encourages us to step out of our comfort zone and interact. Outside groups can teach us how to deal with disruptions and disagreements without resentment or animosity. Sounds like a great way to learn some skills to keep a family together too. 

True Power

From the Tarot of Durer, the Ten of Cups; from the Philosopher's Stone Deck, Power:

Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.

―Lao Tzu

Whether a family or another group, finding contentment and joy with others requires that we use our will carefully. We all know the following kinds of people, and at times we have been them:

• Those who constantly share their unasked-for opinions about everything, which has the effect of breaking down rather than healing or cultivating relationships.
• Those who are experts on everything, and therefore never listen or need to apologize for anything they do.
• Those who constantly give 'advice,' which is actually only words that are critical or belittling.

The psychologist Albert Ellis wrote, "People have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware." If we want happy, healthy relationships, we need to look at what is hidden within ourselves.

Highest Form of Prayer

From the Tarot de St. Croix, the Ten of Cups; from the Archetype Cards, Messiah:

Appreciation is the highest form of prayer, for it acknowledges the presence of good wherever you shine the light of your thankful thoughts. 

—Alan Cohen

Do celebrations equal emotional fulfillment? While they can be pleasurable, they are without the ability to sustain good feelings for long. Contentment, on the other hand, is rooted in appreciation and gratitude, able to navigate the ups and downs of life. While it's always up for some fun or a new experience, it doesn't rely on them. Messiah archetypes are people who desire to humbly serve others. It may look like its shadow at first glance - people who never say no to anything that's asked of them. But such people are looking to feel worthy and needed (though they often just end up feeling used and resentful). True service doesn't look for anything in return - it has a well full of appreciation and contentment already.  

Sit Back and Relax

This week I'll be using the Dark Goddess Tarot, created by Ellen Lorenzi-Prince and published by Arnell's Art (now available from  Schiffer Publishing). The oracle I'll be using is the Tattwa Cards, based on the teachings of John Mumford. Today's draws are the Ten of Water (Ixchel) and Earth: Seed of Air:

Learn to sit back and observe. Not everything needs a reaction. –Unknown

The holidays are an ongoing emotional litmus test; one day we are energized and excited, the next day we are drained and depressed. Ixchel, Mayan goddess of the Moon, arrives with her water jug to wash away our old patterns so that healthier emotional habits can develop. She would tell us there is no need to be constantly triggered by things that send our happy moods down into a crater of darkness. We just need to become aware of these vexations and mindfully choose not to react to them. Earth: Seed of Air represents aspiration, the initiative to achieve a goal. Yet the stability of Earth and the mutability of Air is an unusual mix, suggesting we mix fact and reason with intuition and insight. We don't need to protect ourselves from emotions but find a more creative way to let them flow through us rather than stagnate our mood.

Spectacular Happiness?

From the Herbcrafter's Tarot, the Ten of Water (Red Clover); from the Green Wheel Oracle, Imbolc:

The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment. 

—Doug Larson

The Ten of Water is represented by red clover, an herb that may help women with menopausal hot flashes. Yet farmers also know it as fodder that feeds livestock and as a nitrogen-fixing plant that feeds the soil. What are we feeding our emotional selves? Are we harboring resentments, feeling jealous of what others have, or wallowing in self-pity? Or are we practicing gratitude, offering kindness, and seeking wisdom? As Ezra Bayda explained, “happiness comes from the inside; it cannot depend on our external life circumstances.” Imbolc is a seasonal celebration when the seeds of spring are beginning to stir and when many herd animals are about to give birth to their first offspring of the year. The emotional thoughts we nurture are seeds that will sprout and grow, bringing us contentment or misery. Only we can determine what kind of emotional harvest we will gather.

Sanctuary

 From the Tabula Mundi Colores, the Ten of Cups; from the Words of the Brehon, Three ungentlemanly things:

Lighthouses don't fire cannons to call attention to their shining - they just shine.

—Dwight L. Moody

The Ten of Cups is described as satiety, the state of being fully satisfied. Like a river finally reaching the ocean, an emotional journey has come to an end. We can relax instead of being on constant alert, allowing ourselves to be content in the peace we've found. It won't last forever, but we need to appreciate and enjoy it while we can. The Brehon card warns of attention seekers - the interrupter, the chaos creator, and the dealer of discomfiture. Close the door, turn off the phone and social media; this time is necessary and sacred.

Biting Winds, Warm Bodies

From the Animal Totem Tarot, the Ten of Cups (Penguin); from the Blum/Gern Rune Cards, Raido/Raidho:

The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water, and food. —Dean Ornish

The emperor penguin breeds in the coldest environment of any bird species; air temperatures may reach −40 °F, and wind speeds may reach 89 mph. After laying her egg, the female's energy reserves are exhausted. She transfers her egg to the male to protect while she goes to sea to feed for several months, returning to help feed the newly hatched chick. During winter, a colony of emperor penguins forms a compact huddle with juveniles in the center. Those on the outside shuffle slowly around, giving each bird a chance to be out of the bitter wind for a time. The penguin's message is that our happiness and fulfillment is helped along when we are not only a part of a partnership, but also a trusted, supportive community. Raidho is a rune suggesting a journey, in this case, to find a group we can lean on as well as be leaned on when the winds of life become biting. 

Full and At Ease

From the Victorian Romantic Tarot, the Ten of Cups; from the Dreaming in Color Cards, Innocence:

Guilt is the worst enemy of true happiness and self-esteem. 

—Pamela Baron Waldbauer

Back when I kept a written gratitude journal, there were days when the only three things I could think to list were pain medicine, a soft bed, and sleep. But the Ten of Cups illustrates a day when our heart is so full of joy, it is hard to put how we feel into words. Pausing and paying attention seems to help create more days such as this. Innocence reminds me of another reason that our hearts are light. When the mind is at ease, not suffering from guilt over something we've done or not done, there is no barrier to our happiness. 

It Can Be Simple

From the Prisma Visions Tarot, the Ten of Chalices; from the Secret Language of Color, Violet:

Someday you're gonna be sitting out under the stars and realize how little you actually need to be truly happy. ~Brooke Hampton

Two kids smile as they hang cups from their favorite climbing tree. Joy can be simple; it need not be based on dazzling fireworks and expensive, shiny possessions. Psychologists identify happiness as "subjective well-being." In other words, it has more to do with how we feel about our life than what have or don't have. A bit of fun, something satisfying to do, and people with whom we have a connection can offset those days when things get challenging. The Violet card suggests seeking balance in our endeavor to find emotional fulfillment. Aristotle advocated a path between excess and deficiency in the pursuit of flourishing - sounds like a wise goal. 

Cornerstones

From the Sacred India Tarot, the Ten of Lotuses (Cups); from the Land Sky Oracle, Asteya:

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.

–Marianne Williamson

Ardhanarishvara, a half-male and half-female deity (Shiva and Parvati), illustrates this Ten of Cups. This androgynous figure symbolizes interconnection of what appears to be opposites - wholeness is a sum of diverse parts. There's wisdom in the phrase "through good times and bad" used at weddings. Joy and happiness are not dependent on everything being wonderful, but on our ability to embrace all of life as it is.  Asteya is a social ethic that can be translated 'non-stealing,' yet it includes more than just taking what is not ours to take. Asteya implies the ability to be content with what we have which in turn allows us to practice generosity - two cornerstones for happiness.

What is Precious

From the Legacy of the Divine Tarot, the Ten of Cups; from the Tea Leaf Reading Cards, Moon:

The glow of one warm thought is to me worth more than money.

—Thomas Jefferson

As the Cups arc to the Ten, a shift takes place among those who are older and wiser. Contentment no longer comes with a big price tag - having the latest smartphone, a huge house, a fancy car, thousands of Facebook friends and eye candy on your arm. Now, deep satisfaction and gratitude come from the simpler, more basic things like a few close companions, a full belly and a safe, warm home. As Willie and Merle sang, "We're lookin' for a homelife and clean smellin' sheets and all the soft places to fall." The Moon suggests cycles and phases, a nod to the limited time we have left to embrace life's joys. Even the resentments, regrets and jealousies we carried for years suddenly seem unimportant as we realize how precious time can be when we love and are loved. 

Stepping Down

From the Classic Tarot, the Ten of Cups; from the Constellation Cards, Hydrus:

There's no passion for being found in playing small, in settling for a life that is less than you are capable of living. ~Nelson Mandela

The three by three arrangement of cups overseen by the larger chalice suggests contentment and harmony among a group that is solid. There are leaders - whether of a family, business or social organization - who have the ability to make each person feel heard and appreciated, connecting everyone with a mainstay of kindness. Yet the turned over large chalice also implies that the head feels it is time to step down and let someone else hold the reins so that they can pursue other interests and passions. It may be a manager who retires and spends time doing volunteer work or a matriarch who decides to travel the world. Hydrus lies in the southern hemisphere, and its name refers to a water snake. Water snakes spend time on the ground and in trees as well as in water. They tend to be aggressive and bite if threatened. Breaking out of a peapod may leave those left behind feeling vulnerable, and they may attempt to convince their guiding star to stay. But decisively stepping away from such a position can help us find our own joy while allowing others to develop confidence in learning new skills.

A Toast and a Broom

From the Norse Tarot, the Ten of Cups; from the Viking Lenormand, Broom:

May the hinges of friendship never rust, or the wings of love lose a feather.

—Edward Bannerman Ramsay

This group of folks raise their glasses to commemorate a special occasion. Toasts often include wishes for a long life, health, and prosperity - basically all the good things we'd want for ourselves. Such moments not only allow us to honor others, they give us a chance to recognize our own blessings and the love that surrounds us. The Broom is a symbol of clearing away that which prevents a fresh start or growth in our lives. Bill Wilson wrote, "It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness." That doesn't leave much fertile ground for any relationship to grow. Wilson suggests that we offer a daily blessing for those we resent, wishing for them everything we would want. Even if we don't really mean it, we do it anyway. Eventually we'll sweep away the anger and bitterness, replacing them with a deeper understanding and compassion.

Not Wasted

From the Tarot of the Crone, the Ten of Cups; from the Transforming Dragons deck, Fliquito:

 Joy isn’t something we have to find. Joy is who we are if we’re not preoccupied with something else. 

—Charlotte Joko Beck

The expansiveness of the human heart is limitless if we understand that its ability does not rest in outer things. When we come to this realization, we see that love and kindness are not finite resources that must be reserved for special people or situations. Not only can our cup stay full, but we will have plenty to share. Yet we can easily waste it all through self-reference and other habitual patterns. Fliquito represents falsehoods - in this case, those we tell ourselves. He tells us that what we offer others should be returned or else it is wasted. Yet as Aesop reminds us, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” Even if the other rejects our gift, if we hold no expectations, we can still be blessed by what we offered. In fact, such a response can help our compassion grow if we understand the pain at the root of their reaction.

Facing the Future

From the Tarot of the Abyss, the Ten of Cups; from the Nature Mandala Meditation Oracle, Hope:

A quiet and modest life brings more joy than a pursuit of success bound with constant unrest.

– Albert Einstein

There's no permanent rainbow or castle here, yet this woman joyfully pulls her partner along as they travel the bounds of their home. They focus on gratitude for all that is good in their life, rather than remaining centered on what they lack. Their secret is knowing how to find wonder, appreciation, and fulfillment in the simple and ordinary. The Hope card reminds me of a quote by Robert Schuller: "Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future." When we are grounded in joy rather than anger, in generosity instead of fear, and in openness rather than rigidity, what a huge difference it makes as we face the future. 

Old Love

From the Daniloff Tarot, the Ten of Cups; form the Kuan Yin Oracle, "The Way to the Summit" (verse 85):

Every person your partner becomes is someone new to discover and to fall

more deeply in love with. ~Stuart B. Fensterheim ("Grow Old With Me")

In Daniloff's version of the Ten of Cups, even the blooms represent a cup. If you're lucky enough to have a long-term relationship with a good partner, you know how age can change what we fill our cups with. What once took priority years ago might now be in the compost pile, allowing other blooms to take their place. Sometimes we plant different things than our partner, but overall, we support the health of our garden together. The 85th verse of the Kuan Yin Oracle reads:

On the way to the summit,

the clouds part.

The way

is hidden in the mists.

All challenges have moments when we feel like we don't know what to do or which way to go; the way seems obscured. An aging relationship can be one of those challenges, but the words of poet Antonio Machado are helpful: "Traveler, there is no path, the path is made by walking." We make mistakes, change course, and try again. And we keep a good dose of humor handy.

Advice for Success

From the Gill Tarot, the Ten of Cups; from The Circle, Love:

For it is in giving that we receive;

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.

~St. Francis of Assisi (E. Easwaran trans.)

The success of emotional fulfillment is a paradox, as St. Francis clearly laid out. The bedrock of contentment and joy is not found in self-cherishing, but in a mindset that gives, forgives and has no agenda for either action. These people take life lightly without clinging - as John S. Spong described, they 'love wastefully.' The Love card's symbolism is not so much a romantic fantasy as it is connection, belonging, affection and mutual support. Those are the side effects of taking St. Francis' and Spong's advice.

Seven Tools

From the Deirdre of the Sorrows Tarot, the Ten of Cups; from the Victorian Flower Oracle, Thistle:

For better or worse, intelligence can come to nothing when the emotions hold sway.

― Daniel Goleman

Looks like this happy family did build their home on a firm foundation. The companion book says the man is planting a shamrock (timely, as today is St. Patrick's Day). Yet emotional intelligence likely has more to do with emotional fulfillment than luck. Goleman defined it as "the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships." Thistle may be sharp and prickly, but donkeys could care less, thus the keyword 'threat.' When our contentment is under attack, what tools do we use? Justin Bariso (EQ Applied) lists seven:

1. The pause button.
2. Volume control (dial things back).
3. The tuning dial (listen carefully).
4. Mute (during intense emotions, sharing a point of view isn't usually helpful).
5. Record (while on mute, remember key points that are shared).
6. Playback (revisit the topic when both parties have cooled down).
7. Playback (think about how what you're about to say or do will affect all involved in the long run).