Useful Hoarding

From the Herbcrafter's Tarot, the Eight of Water/Cups (Valerian); from the Green Wheel Oracle, Wolf:

Sanity is a valuable possession; I hoard it the way people once hoarded money.

—Margaret Atwood

Drama queens, disruptors, contrarians, and relentless competitors - we've all had to deal with at least some of them. But boy can they suck the energy and enthusiasm for life right out of us. Rather than drift passively in these relationships, it's time to retreat from them and the drain they create. Valerian is an herb used for insomnia, anxiety and stress. We all need some calm in our lives, and that may require choices to be made. Wolf asks us to name our fears and bring them into the light. Do we think removing ourselves from the insanity (at least for a while) will bring chaos and cause our house of cards to fall down? It's possible, but that might be a good thing if we're enabling the detrimental behavior of others.

Out of the Smoke

This week I'll be using the Slavic Legends Tarot, an independently published deck (Taroteca Studio) by Krzysztof Wasiuk and Magdalena Kaczan (artist). I'll also be using the Urban Crow Oracle, created by Margaux Jones (aka MJ Cullinane) and published by Hay House. Today's draws are the Eight of Cups and Sacred Space:

De fumo in flammam ("out of the smoke into the flame").

—Tertullian

This fellow has his knapsack packed and doesn't even bother to glance at the cups dangling below him. He traverses a waterfall, suggesting he is leaving behind a tumultuous relationship. Why do we leave partners, friends or groups? Ultimately the misery of holding on outweighs the benefits of staying. Yet there is caution needed - we may jump from one extreme into its opposite, thinking it to be better. For instance, we might leave someone who is cold, uncommunicative and distant only to find ourselves with someone who is clingy and shares every thought nonstop. Sacred Space suggests we find some time to incubate our own values and objectives before we make a leap. By spending time alone, we can center ourselves, remembering what is important, and ground ourselves, allowing our emotions to calm.

It's Essential

From the Prisma Tarot, the Eight of Chalices; from the Secret Language of Color Cards, Mauve:

An obligation is a debt without choice. It’s a have-to. When we do things for a long time without choice, we feel resentment, which leads to emptiness.

—Roger Daviston

The cosmos calls to a man whose world has become meaningless because he is chained by obligations. Jobs, people and groups often make demands of us, and we unwittingly begin to mold our life to their wishes. Gradually life becomes a trudge that leaves us feeling hollow. Our resentments grow, only making matters worse, but our guilt keeps us stuck. Mauve is a dusty, pinkish-purple color known for its muted, soft quality. It asks us to mute those demands outside of ourselves and listen to our own needs. Self-care isn't selfish, it's essential. As the saying goes, "An empty lantern provides no light."

Starved for Love

From the Nigel Jackson Tarot, the Eight of Cups; from the Viking Lenormand, Cross:

There's truths you have to grow into.

― H.G. Wells

The Eight of Cups represents leaving a situation that we find unfulfilling. Perhaps it was the relationship we thought was perfect, the job we felt was made for us, or the group that we assumed had the same values and interests we did. Yet when is leaving a matter of immaturity, simply wanting things our way? Patience, perseverance, wise decision-making, dependability, self-control, and humility are hallmarks for maturity. These traits usually take challenging experiences to develop. But the Cross implies burdens and sacrifices that might be too much for anyone to bear. If we are in a situation that is controlling, manipulative or abusive which is affecting our mental or physical health, then leaving is the sane thing to do. Otherwise, we might find ourselves in the words of Ayushee Ghoshal, "You make me feel like a firefly. Trapped in a bell jar; starved for love."

Harmonious Exchange

From Waking the Wild Spirit Tarot, the Eight of Water (Cups); from the Saltwater Reading Cards, Giant Clam:

It’s one thing to fight well, and something else altogether to love well.

―Stan Tatkin

Relationships require the willingness to have conversations that dip below the surface. A partner needs to be able to trust and feel secure with the other person, knowing they are valued and appreciated. Being treated like a useful piece of furniture won't cut it - such a relationship will quickly become unfulfilling. Poppy calls this card "pollution." The Giant Clam is the largest living bivalve mollusk, growing up to four feet in length. It has a symbiotic relationship with algae, which live within their mantles and produce metabolic waste products that serve as a nutritional source. Healthy relationships have a harmonious exchange. In the words of Robin Williams, "I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone."

End of a Chapter

From the Buckland Romani Tarot, the Eight of Koros (Cups); from the Lakota Sweat Lodge Cards, Thunder-Beings:

Who can't relate to the idea of leaving one chapter behind and moving on to the next? 

–Mike Shinoda

Eight teacups are left behind in a meadow as a Romani wagon moves on. It's hard to leave behind relationships, jobs or groups that we have a history with, particularly if there was joy in them at some point. But things and people change; what once was emotionally fulfilling may not always be so. Thunder-Beings were powerful storm spirits that lived in the sky and brought lightning, rain and winds. They remind us that we also have powerful energy that can be used to help or harm. If we find it is time to leave behind an emotional connection, we don't have to speak harshly about them. We can simply keep them in our hearts, wishing the best for them, and move on.

Still Exploring

This week I'll be using the Ferret Tarot, created and self-published by Elaine Moertl. Along with it, I'll be drawing from Nature's Wisdom Oracle, created by Mindy Lighthipe and published by Schiffer Books. The cards for today are the Eight of Cups and Lotus:

Fulfillment is not a destination. It's not a place you can ever arrive at and settle into.

― David Rynick

Have you ever bumped into an old friend from years ago and found, apart from aging, they haven't changed at all? Complacency is a state of inertia, when we feel like we have no need of new ideas, perspectives or experiences - it's too much effort and might cause mental uneasiness. Contentment is a state of joy with what is, yet there is still an effort to grow and develop (though it comes from a place of peace and curiosity, not agitation). Like the Lotus that rises through murky water, content people keep moving toward the light, not to arrive at any fixed place, but as a way to pursue meaning and understanding in their life. 

Making, Unmaking

From the Tarot of the Absurd, the Eight of Cups; from Post-psychedelic Cyberpunk Oracle, Nexus:

Life is what I am making it, and I am what life is making me.

—Paula Arai

Judging this relationship by the sleeping bear, it appears to be in full hibernation. Trying to wake it at this point will only make it grumpy and hostile. The mature response would be to walk away before things devolve further, before there is harm done that can't be undone. In time, our distress will likely turn to relief. Nexus comes from Latin roots meaning ‘a binding together;’ it is a connection point where many elements meet. Buddhism teaches that causes bring about the production or arising of something while conditions help shape the identity of what is produced or arises. These form who each of us are, including our inclination to behave in certain ways. Some people will work to change these patterns, but others will think they are perfectly fine the way they are. Yet once we recognize them, we can choose not to pair ourselves with those who have such propensities. 

The Color and Weight of Lead

From the Stone Tarot, the Eight of Cups; from the Buddhist Quote Cards, Dhammapada 6:81:

The heaviness leaves, and if I'm patient enough it can be replaced by something I need, something that would fill instead of drown and let me breathe instead of bleed.

―Karin Lowachee

The colors in this card seem infused with lead; the light heart has become a heavy heart. An excessive emotional weight has a marked physical effect. Rather than the taste of something sweet, our connection now makes our lungs seem filled with sand and keeps our shoulders and stomach tied in knots. Sometimes taking the high road means letting go of our resentment while leaving behind the relationship. The Dhammapada quote reads:

As a solid mass of rock is not moved by the wind, so a sage is unmoved by praise and blame.

When we're in the middle of disentangling from a group or partnership, others may offer advice that either encourages or disheartens us. But what is their motive? Personal integrity demands that we follow our values and standards without being swayed.

No Gold in this River

From the Spacious Tarot, the Eight of Cups; from the Phenomena Oracle, Decompose:

There ain't no gold in this river

That I've been washin' my hands in forever

~Adele

The heart often pulls us in a new direction, but it can take our mind some time to catch up. We drag our feet, rationalizing that we've invested too much time and energy into a job or project or have too long a history with a person to give up. But the heart knows that if we have not found fulfillment by now, we likely won't in the future. It's time to move on before we miss the opportunities that are waiting for us that may bring us contentment and meaning. The Decompose card is a reminder that everything will break down at some point, but it will provide the nutrients to grow something new. Knowing what doesn't work can help guide us towards something that will.

Self Examination

From the Tarot by Caro, the Eight of Cups; from the Holitzka I Ching, Hexagram 44:

When meeting contention in another it would be wise to examine oneself.

―Confucius

The cups in this card seem to provide steps as this man leaves under the cover of darkness. Those 'steps' are his reasons for leaving a situation or relationship that is unfulfilling or unhealthy. Yet the shadow that follows him is disconcerting, and reminds me of something a psychiatrist said in a recent online conference: when we search from our wounds we generally find a slightly upgraded model of ourselves. Before he seeks comfort elsewhere, he would do well to take some time for honest self-reflection. Hexagram 44 is often called Temptation and suggests we are about to make a choice that could have volatile consequences. Instead of judging a situation subjectively, we need to look at it objectively. Antifreeze may taste sweet, but it's still a poison. Self-examination, especially a look at our motives and intentions, is the antidote.

Look for the Doorway

From the RainShadow Tarot, the Eight of Cups; from the Liminal Spirits Oracle, Time:

It’s in relationships that our unresolved psychological issues show up most intensely. 

~John Welwood

When our relationships get out of balance or when our emotions are jerking us around like a choke chain, we often attempt to deflect or distract ourselves. We might decide to use affirmations, read a self-help book, or go to a wellness seminar. Yet as therapist Mindy Newman explains, what we're really trying to do is avoid looking at the painful emotions we're experiencing in the present and the patterns that have been going on in the past that we're repeating over and over again. Healthy change is going to require some hard, uncomfortable work; we face our suffering and look at its causes and effects without getting entangled in the mental stories around it. Time reminds us that we can't jump ahead to the good part. The inner work progresses at its own pace.

Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.

~Coco Chanel

Energy Use

From the Buckland Romani Tarot, the Eight of Koros (Cups); from the Lakota Sweat Lodge Cards, Thunderbeings:

The phrase “better the devil you know” may sound like common sense, but should the fear of the unknown keep us from moving on and actually finding out for ourselves? We all have had relationships with people or groups who have an unhealthy effect on us, but having history with them can create a strong pull to keep us in a rut. Thunderbeings represent the powerful force of electricity in nature. Their message asks us how we are using our own energy and agency. As Randy Pausch wrote: “Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier.”

Revealed Over Time

From the Ellis Deck, the Eight of Cups; from the Brownies Oracle, Arrival:

If he don't love you anymore

Just walk your fine ass out the door

~Lizzo

The stack of cups in this image shows how a relationship quickly became imbalanced, leading a mermaid to head for deeper waters. Even though things start out well (like that bottom line of cups), how we relate to one another can be seen in a different light down the road. We may originally appreciate his confidence and strength, but then recognize the underbelly of control. We enjoy her caring and attention, but then discover a manipulative undercurrent. Arrival shows the Brownies having a boat race, releasing their boats at one point in the stream, then checking downstream to see which crosses the finish line first. It can be easy to blame the other when a partnership doesn't work out, but often if just takes time for us to see beneath our personas. It's why romantic pairings have dating and employers have a probationary period. Time can reveal many things.

Equilibrium

This week I'll be using the Tarot of the Master, created by Giovanni Vacchetta and published by Lo Scarabeo. Along with it, I'll be drawing from the Paracelsus Oracle, published by Lo Scarabeo with instructions written by Gina di Roberto. The cards drawn for today are the Eight of Cups and Rubeus:

Rather than the RWS version of a man leaving under the cover of darkness, the Tarot of the Master shows eight chalices in a delicate balance. Given the keyword 'equilibrium,' it emphasizes how important a sense of evenness underlies all of our important relationships. It doesn't mean each person has to conform to the same mold; instead it points to a need for a democratic use of authority and influence. Rubeus ('red') suggests a passion that can be used constructively or destructively. A "my way or the highway" attitude" will quickly dismantle the delicate balance of those cups. Yet a passionate commitment to work through difficulties and a view of one's partner as vital part of one's life can be the concrete that holds a relationship together. 

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, its not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone. —Robin Williams

Wiser Than Before

From the Greenwood Tarot, the Eight of Cups; from the Rune Cards, Birch/Beorc:

We are the old people we are the new people

We are the same people wiser than before

~"Cauldron of Changes" chant

Potter's Eight of Cups includes the cauldron of transformation, a chance to pour all of the elements of oneself into the vessel in order to be changed for the better. This is not simply a geographical cure or trading in an old set of companions for some new ones. It is the realization that internal changes need to be made so that we no longer react to life in our usual habitual ways. Birch trees produce winged seeds that lack a hard outer shell, allowing them to germinate easily and quickly. For this reason it is a pioneer species, one of the first trees to 'rebirth' a land that has been disturbed by fire or storms. When we remove the hard shell of our mindset, we are able to see from a wider perspective and respond in more skillful and wholesome ways. A transformation truly takes place. 

Until We Know

From the Gaian Tarot, the Eight of Cups; from the Tea Leaf Reading Cards, Moon:

When we are in an unhealthy relationship for an extended period - whether at work, with a partner, in a family or group, or even with our self - we are changed. What others view as emotionally damaging, we come to think of as normal. It is not until we finally step out of that environment, like the octopus becoming human, that we understand just how insane it was. The Moon Tea Leaf card suggests emotions and reflection. It would be easy to denigrate and flagellate oneself when we grasp the muck we've willingly been swimming in. But we don't know until we know, and only then can we move on to something better.

Whenever I notice something about myself I don’t like, or whenever something goes wrong in my life, I silently repeat the following phrases: This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.

― Kristin Neff

Rebuilding the Heart

From the Forest of Enchantment Tarot, the Eight of Visions (Cups); from the Mystic Mushrooms, Crown-tipped Coral:

These wraith-like women wander in the forest, full of sadness and self-pity. Yet one woman at the front, with her hand over her heart, seems to have discovered that she is more than the emotion she feels. Rather than staying in a world that denies joy, she is determined to move through her emotion rather than cling to it. Crown-tipped coral fungi can be recognized by their branches whose tips resemble tiny crowns. Its fungal cells begin in rotting, dead wood; it produces a 'fruiting body' (what is seen above ground) when it is ready to reproduce. These two cards suggest moving through our sadness and healing our heart rather than staying stuck. Instead of only seeing what once was, we begin to appreciate again what is.

You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.

~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Sinkholes and Island Sanctuaries

From the Tarot of the Crone, the Eight of Cups; from the Transforming Dragons deck, Yemotav:

The figure in this Eight of Cups stands in what is known as the goddess pose, a stance of strength and grounding in yoga. Lorenzi-Prince suggests this card is not about leaving, but about commitment, especially where our spiritual path is concerned. Often due to societal influences, we may choose a path because it looks fun; we expect it to bring us peace, happiness, and all kinds of material pleasures. But this is just a form of self-absorption. Spirituality involves connecting to something bigger than the ego, something that gives our life meaning, and requires change on our part. Unfortunately, if we maintain our self-orbiting pattern, it's easy for our thoughts to drift to our unworthiness or how awful and hollow life is. Yemotov is the dragon of self-destruction, and he feeds on these types of thoughts. If we can find no clarity, we begin to believe them. This is why I personally believe we all need a commitment to some form of spiritual framework, one that offers us sanctuary even in the midst of turmoil. In the words of Ruth King:

Reminding myself that life is not personal, permanent, or perfect has kept me from falling into sinkholes of despair and destroying rooms with rage. It invites me to pause and turn inward. —Ruth King

Surrendering

From the Osho Zen Tarot, the Eight of Cups; from the A'HA Oracle, the Temple of Gentle of Reasoning:

Just as this drop of water surrenders to gravity as it falls off the lotus leaf, so there are times when we need to surrender and let go emotionally. To fail to do so (trying to freeze reality in a specific place and time) will eventually become exhausting, creating a person we no longer recognize. Letting go doesn't mean we become cold and uncaring, nor does it mean we can't be sad. It just means the place where we can plant our seeds and watch them grow lies elsewhere. The Temple of Gentle Reasoning is not a building with a defining creed; it is within ourselves, the ground of our being. Beyond the ego's beliefs and opinions, it is a quiet place of clarity, wisdom and compassion. This temple is a good place to visit when we are reeling from the grief of letting go and in limbo about which direction to turn. It may provide us with the spiritual nudge and guide posts we need.