It's So Easy

This week I'll be using the Tarot of the Master, created by Giovanni Vacchetta and published by Lo Scarabeo. Along with it, I'll be drawing from the Paracelsus Oracle, published by Lo Scarabeo with instructions written by Gina di Roberto. The cards drawn for today are Love (Lovers) and Tristitia:

At the beginning of all love there is a private treaty each of the lovers makes with himself or herself, an agreement to set aside what is wrong with the other for the sake of what is right.

—Salman Rushdie

There's a breezy song by Olivia Dean that's getting a lot of radio play right now: "I could be the world to you, the missing piece, the extra sentimental kind of chemistry. Cause I make it so easy to fall in love, so, come give me a call, and we'll fall into us." Well, she's got the falling part right - it's the staying in love that's more difficult. It's probably why at the top of this card there is the Latin phrase Dolce travaglio, meaning "sweet labor." Tristitia is a Latin word meaning sorrow; early theologians used it to describe a despondency that caused someone to give up all hope. Partners may discover they are just too different in views and values to stay together, or cruelty and dishonesty might break them apart. But if, as Pink sings, "It's been written in the scars on our hearts; we're not broken, just bent and we can learn to love again," then maybe wise hope should be our compass.

Creativity and Connection

From the Tarot of the Absurd, the Empress; from the Post-psychedelic Cyberpunk, the Lovers:

There is no doubt that creativity is the most important human resource of all. Without creativity, there would be no progress, and we would be forever repeating the same patterns.

—Edward de Bono

I had a good chuckle with this pair of cards - talk about cause and effect! But what if I told you the Empress wasn't a baby-making factory? What if her children were named music, dance, painting, and gardening? Somewhere along the line, things for practical uses became part of our cultural heritage, used to create beauty, feeling, and relationship. What a boring life this would be without these pleasures. The Lovers represents connection, and as Steve Jobs stated, "Creativity is just connecting things." Our imagination is fed by curiosity, through people, places and things. We synthesize and recombine them, making connections between what was previously unrelated. It's no surprise that Julia Cameron in The Artist's Way suggests a day to explore and pay attention: "a block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness, your inner artist."

Sacred Duty

This week I'll be using the Wheel of Change Tarot, a deck and book set created by Alexandra Genetti and published by Inner Traditions. The second deck I'll be drawing from is the Oracle of the Dreamtime, a compilation of Australian Aboriginal art and Dreamings by Donni Hakanson; this deck and book set was published by Journey Editions. Today's cards are the Lovers and Emu:

Choosing someone as our partner means investing in our togetherness; that when one of us goes up or down, the other does too. —Rachel Glik

With the Fool, there is unconditional trust as he steps into the world. The Lovers, a harmony of opposites, need trust too if their relationship is to stay strong. This doesn't mean they can't grow and change individually, but it does require a commitment to being trustworthy (honest, dependable and loyal). Such a relationship is not like a business, full of competition, transactions, and status-seeking. The Dreamtime story of Emu and her sister Wild Turkey tells a tale of infanticide and self-mutilation in an effort to outdo the other. No one 'wins' in these kinds of situations and often revenge plays on repeat. The Marines have a saying that sums up their core principles of camaraderie, duty and loyalty: "No man (or woman) left behind." Good partnerships follow the same principles.

The Welfare of All

From the Tarot of Durer, the Lovers; from the Philosopher's Stone, Insight:

We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. 

–Carlos Castenada

The Lovers motto can be translated "Nothing is difficult for the one who loves." Watch couples who lose a child or those who are aged and dealing with health struggles, and it is easy to see where love makes strong or blame and complaint make miserable. If I break a finger on my left hand, my right hand will not wag a finger or make obscene gestures; it will do all it can to help find relief for its partner. That is the loving connection of true partnership. Insight suggests that we not only acknowledge our relationship with those we love but recognize our interconnection with all beings. As Helen Keller reminds us, "The welfare of each is bound up in the welfare of all." 

Peaks and Valleys

From the Idiosyncradeck Tarot, the Lovers: from the Mixed Emotions Card, Proud:

Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys.

 —Nicholas Sparks

Flamingos form strong pair bonds and consider compatibility when choosing a friend or mate. These kinds of relationships are meant for the long-haul, knowing that whatever storms come will be faced as a team. Such lifelong partners enjoy an easy companionship, share memories, know each other's vices and virtues, and offer support and encouragement. As the flamingos can attest, it can be good to be particular about who we choose. Proud suggests we give ourselves a pat on the back if we've managed to find a mate, friend or partner with whom we've stuck with and grown with for a lengthy period of time. These relationships are worth celebrating at every opportunity.

Easy and Hard Choices

From the Dark Mansion, the Lovers; from Miss Mai's Victorian Oracle, the Gentleman:

You cannot reach where you are going if you continue to be the same person you have always been. ― Germany Kent

The Lovers, besides representing a romantic liaison, also represents a choice. The Gentleman symbolizes pride and power; he would choose what would make him look good and feel as if he was an authority. I once dated a young man who was possibly the kindest, sweetest fellow I've ever met. But perhaps because of being raised by an alcoholic father and a submissive mother, he never learned how to push back on anything. As wonderful as he was, I was headstrong and fiery - I needed someone who could tell me bluntly when I was off the rails. Although it made me feel powerful, I ended the relationship because in it I would develop into a more self-absorbed person. I would stagnate instead of grow. The easy choices we are tempted to make aren't always the best choices.

No Magic Cleaver

From the Hoi Polloi Tarot, the Lovers; from the I Ching Pack, Hexagram 9 (Restraint):

Those who regard the mundane

as a hindrance to life and practice

only understand that

in the mundane nothing is sacred;

what they have not yet understood

is that in sacredness

nothing is mundane.

— Dogen Zenji

The woman gazes up at the angel, as if she could spiritually bypass all the grittiness of life. The man gazes at the woman, as if he might indulge every selfish pleasure without reaping any consequences. Yet there is no magic cleaver - the sacred and mundane cannot be separated. Hexagram 9 - Wind over Dragon - suggests "gently stroking the dragon's back." It implies restraint rather than choosing one extreme or the other. As Dogen explained, "Sacred and mundane, just as they are, intermingle freely." It's a package deal.

Created, Recreated

This week I'll be using the New Liminal Tarot, created by Penelope Cline and self-published through Make Playing Cards. I'll also be using the State By State Playing Cards created by Wendy Cipolla Boccuzzi and published by U.S. Games. Today's draws are the Lovers and Oregon (Jack of Clubs):

 The partners in great relationships don’t expect “perfect,” and never have. They know that great relationships are created, and then recreated, every day. —Randi Gunther

Finding a healthy relationship with a partner involves looking for someone that complements rather than completes us. Based on loyalty rather than a transaction, it is rooted in love and respect. Such partners give each other the freedom to grow within the commitment, each having interests and ideas of their own. They see challenges and conflicts as ways to develop a more resilient partnership.  Yet no matter where we find ourselves, they always feel like home. Oregon (Jack of Clubs) is known for its production of Christmas trees, a fragrant, lovely addition for holiday decor. Yet a cut tree, even if kept in water, will soon begin to dry out and lose its needles. It is a reminder that a changing love is a living love.

Necessary Ingredients

From the Wheel of Change Tarot, the Lovers; from the Oracle of the Dreamtime, Turtle:

Mature love is composed and sustaining, a celebration of commitment, companionship, and trust. 

—H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I was waiting with my husband to get some lab work done the other day, sitting with a number of others in line for the same thing. A young fellow, watching us interact, smiled and said, "You two have been married a long time." I acknowledged that we had and told him that while we were really different in how we do things, we both held the same values and principles. When there is deep love, honest communication, and commitment, neither partner cares who whose turn it is to be the moon or the sun - they both shine. The Dreamtime story of Turtle tells of a man who was a storyteller and travelled from tribe to tribe. One island tribe decided to force him to stay, knowing that he couldn't swim and would need a boat. He escaped by holding on to a log which the Great Spirit turned into a shell and him into a turtle. Safety and trust are paramount in any relationship; without them it becomes an unequitable autocracy.

Enoughness

From the Tyldwick Tarot, the Lovers; from the Antiquarian Lenormand, Fish:

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much.

—Elbert Hubbard

In this card, Neil makes use of a sculpture of Diana reclining with a stag that originally topped a fountain. Diana was a virgin goddess who required the same commitment from those who served her. However, this is balanced by the bust of Venus, the goddess of love, who would encourage all to dive wholeheartedly into a relationship. The pairing of these two suggest not submitting to another person, but a true partnership; one's personal values and interests are not lost but rather additional facets are added. The Lenormand Fish generally symbolizes wealth and success, but what does this look like with love? We may choose someone with good looks and money, but those traits are susceptible to change. But if we have mutual kindness and compassion, we can take Alan Cohen to heart: "Abundance is not a number or acquisition. It is the simple recognition of enoughness."

Choice and Principles

From the Druidcraft Tarot, the Lovers; from the Druid Plant Oracle, Bramble:

There are three constants in life… Change, Choice, and Principles.

– Stephen Covey

The companion book states that the embrace of love is at the heart of life.  Though this card could represent two willing partners, the Lovers might also symbolize integrating information and understanding within ourselves so that we become more whole. However it shows up, such love requires surrender, and surrender requires choice. While emotion might have us rolling downhill at breakneck speed, it would be wise to grab hold of discernment before we hit bottom. Bramble (what I know as blackberry vines) have sweet fruit that can easily make us forget its many thorns. It teaches us of boundaries, of understanding that even the most wonderful relationships need limits to protect our well-being and build respect between people. We can use good judgment without being judgmental.

By Love Alone

From the Middle Way Arcana, the Lovers; from the Vertical Oracle, Timeless:

Love is truly a practice. —Thich Nhat Hanh

While love may begin when the tender soft spot of our heart is touched, it becomes a practice when we act from that place.  Rather than being a passive recipient, it embodies compassion, loving-kindness, sympathetic joy and equanimity. Love holds things gently rather than grasping them tightly. Yet Thich Nhat Hanh states, "In the Buddhist teaching, it’s clear that to love oneself is the foundation of the love of other people." Our practice begins with opening our heart to ourselves. Timeless suggests something that is unrestricted, ageless and eternal, and love surely fits that definition.

Hatred never ceases by hatred;

But by love alone is healed.

This is an ancient and eternal law.

—Dhammapada

Hitching of Fools

From the Ship of Fools Tarot, Love (Lovers); from the Wisdom of the Four Winds, Water:

To my line I have hitched many a fool.

~Venus in Das Narrenschiff

Venus - the power of love and desire personified - shows just how much control and influence she has in this illustration. As I have recently been made aware of, being a soft touch can make a person susceptible to saying 'yes' to things that can have heavy repercussions later. We may then begin to feel like an overburdened donkey, motivated to keep plodding along because of promises and obligations to those we care about. Such duties don't create love but resentment, the opposite of what got us into this mess. Water suggests cleansing, not just of the body but the spirit too. This cleansing is a restoration of integrity, of being honest with ourselves as well as with others about the load we can bear without negative side effects.

Depth Instead of Dalliance

From the Dark Mansion Tarot, the Lovers; from Miss Mai's Victorian Oracle, Buckle:

Without commitment you cannot have depth in anything.

― Neil Strauss

Making a commitment is not just about choosing 'our person,' but deciding what kind of person we want to be. A wise choice realizes that a partner for the long haul will inevitably shape our life just as we will shape theirs. It also acknowledges that while we can have excitement and adventures together, we also need values and principles that will keep us grounded when things get difficult. As Madeleine L'Engle put it, it requires "love which is not possession but participation." The hinged pin of a Buckle that is used to join two ends of a belt or strap is an appropriate symbol for commitment. What joins us must be sturdy enough to last longer than a few strolls through the park on a pleasant day.

Ideal Partner

From the New Liminal Tarot, the Lovers; from the State by State playing cards, the King of Clubs -Massachusetts:

Too often we forget that an ideal partner is someone who enhances an already full existence.

―Mariella Frostup

The Lovers represents a choice, a union and/or a commitment. The choice might be based on a transactional motive – give to get – or it might be based on love and respect for another. The pastel clouds makes me think of the ‘pink cloud’ syndrome, an initial period of elation and euphoria when some novelty pings the reward center in the brain (increasing dopamine levels). Yet initial attraction can lead to discovering someone who inspires us and challenges us. We may find a complement: cake to their ice cream or peanut butter to their jelly. Our partnership then can develop as a joint effort. The King of Diamonds card reminds me of the saying, "Give a man a fish and feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime." We all need healthy role models to show us what real love looks like (our parents might serve only as a warning as to what it is not). Watching such models can help us understand when its worth it to stick it out and when to run like the wind.

Real Love

From the PetraK Tarot, the Lovers; from the Astrodice, Jupiter/Libra/3rd House:

Real love ought to be more like a tree and less like a flower.

― Mya Robarts

The multiple pairs of people and animals remind me of the phases of love. In the beginning, there is lust and infatuation. Time spent together seems to shrink one's world down to two rather than expand it. But if it has the ability to mature and develop, it becomes something different and wonderful - a deep friendship as well. As Leon Uris put it: "Love can’t mature in one room. It has to come out of the full sharing of everything: joys, aspirations, downfalls, all of it. That’s the only real path to love." The keywords for the Astrodice might be joy-spreader/diplomacy/communication. In the evolution of love, we learn to communicate our thoughts and feelings with respect for the other rather than intimidation or manipulation. It is heartfelt sharing rather than withholding that bonds us and creates joy and contentment.

All Shapes and Sizes

From the Tyldwick Tarot, the Lovers; from the Antiquarian Lenormand, the Key:

The painting in the Tyldwick card is based on a sculpture of Diana that originally topped a fountain. It is interesting that the bust on the mantel below it is that of Hermes. Diana/Artemis remained a virgin goddess, though she did have platonic companions like Orion. Hermes, however, had many lovers - both male and female, mortal and divine. This Lovers card emphasizes just how different love can be in all its guises. The Key implies that if we make the effort, what we desire is in reach. Do we want a fun fling, a deep friendship, or a relationship based on a commitment? What we are willing to invest (and how we define a relationship) is likely to forge what we find.

Long Arc

From the Touchstone Tarot, the Lovers; from the John Waterhouse Oracle, In the Peristyle:

Commitment is one of those words that is a noun but has an active element. As In the Peristyle shows, we take turns 'feeding' each other in different ways when we commit. At times that support and nourishment might seem lopsided - as with a mother who takes care of a child or a spouse who moves her home and career in order to follow her partner's job. But where commitment's vow of compassion and honor truly shines is when life turns things upside down: the adult child now cares for her aging mother or the husband who now cares for his wife with Alzheimer's. Sometimes the long arc of commitment can only be seen from a wide angle lens.

The Path of Love

From the Cosmic Tarot, the Lovers; from the L'Oeil de Lotus, Work:

Attachment is the very opposite of love. Love says, “I want you to be happy.” Attachment says, “I want you to make me happy.”

—Tenzin Palmo

If you've ever been in a committed relationship, you know the truth of this Lovers/Work pairing. It requires one to give space to the other, to allow them to pursue interests and paths that might not be our own. It requires the willingness to listen more than we speak, with the intention of healing and understanding rather than proving a point. It requires time and attention, the sharing of experiences. It requires being willing to agree to disagree in a way that is respectful and leaves both partners with their dignity in tact. It requires wishing for joy, peace and fulfillment for the other while simultaneously realizing it is not our responsibility to make these happen. Simple kindness is the foundation of the building of such a relationship. Yes, it is requires work, but it definitely is worth it with the right partner.

Wonder and Warmth

From the Middle Way Arcana, the Lovers; from the Vertical Oracle, Divine Intervention:

Love is generated from twin impulses. Buddhism calls them emptiness and compassion; we could also call them wonder and warmth. ~Norman Fischer

Close your eyes for just a minute and think of a time when you felt completely accepted by someone, were celebrated for accomplishing a goal, felt someone was concerned for your well-being, or were surprised by an unexpected kindness. Bring that memory into sharp focus and hold it for several minutes. Does it open your heart? Love comes in  a multitude of forms and can show up in unusual places, but it always makes us feel like we matter, that our life has some worth. The 'emptiness' Fischer talks about in his quote above means that we drop all our assumptions, labels, preferences and prejudices, letting our heart and mind open wide. The card Divine intervention does not refer to a deity, but as the creators put it, a 'benevolent interruption.' It is a reminder that we all have opportunities to be a benefactor, to make someone feel loved. In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, "The simplest acts of kindness are by far more powerful then a thousand heads bowing in prayer."