Remembrance

From the Dark Mansion, the Six of Cups; from Miss Mai's Victorian Oracle, Buckle:

Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.

― Jane Austen

Resentment and nostalgia are two very different kinds of remembrance with very dissimilar impacts on our physical and mental health. The Six of Cups and Buckle ("holding things together") made me think of psychologist Rick Hanson who is a proponent of relishing good memories: "Taking in the good is not about putting a happy shiny face on everything, nor is it about turning away from the hard things in life. It's about nourishing well-being, contentment, and peace inside that are refuges you can always come from and return to." According to Hanson, mentally staying with those positive experiences for a bit can turn a passing mental state into a lasting neural structure. We build our memories into a harbor of resilience.

Depth Instead of Dalliance

From the Dark Mansion Tarot, the Lovers; from Miss Mai's Victorian Oracle, Buckle:

Without commitment you cannot have depth in anything.

― Neil Strauss

Making a commitment is not just about choosing 'our person,' but deciding what kind of person we want to be. A wise choice realizes that a partner for the long haul will inevitably shape our life just as we will shape theirs. It also acknowledges that while we can have excitement and adventures together, we also need values and principles that will keep us grounded when things get difficult. As Madeleine L'Engle put it, it requires "love which is not possession but participation." The hinged pin of a Buckle that is used to join two ends of a belt or strap is an appropriate symbol for commitment. What joins us must be sturdy enough to last longer than a few strolls through the park on a pleasant day.

Making It Manageable

This week I'll be using the Dark Mansion Tarot, an independently published deck (Taroteca Studio) by Krzysztof Wasiuk and Magdalena Kaczan (artist). I'll also be using Miss Mai's Victorian Oracle, a self-published deck created by Mai (surname unknown). Today's draws are the Two of Cups and Buckle:

Partnership is giving, taking, learning, teaching, offering the greatest possible benefit while doing the least possible harm. ― Octavia E. Butler

Any partnership, whether romantic or otherwise, requires two things to make it manageable: communication and respect. These are what keep things in balance and requires the effort of both parties. Of course we might need to take a page out of Aretha's book when she sings, "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me." Families, cultures and traditions can be widely divergent, so it's good to understand how each of our ideas about communication and respect have been shaped and formed. From there, compromise will likely be necessary. For instance, some people don't want to talk about every little thing, but not talking at all can make the other feel ignored. The Buckle card represents securing something, and in the case of partnerships, that might boil down to self-awareness. An objective view of our beliefs, behaviors, strengths and weaknesses can allow us to see our part in the mix instead of just dumping all the responsibility on the other person.