Mix and Match

From the Ferret Tarot, the Two of Cups; from Nature's Wisdom Oracle, Scarab Beetle:

In a relationship of respect, your task is to understand the other person as a unique individual and learn how to mesh your needs with his or hers... not to control the other person or try to change him or her.  

—Peter Gray

The Two of Cups combines difference and diversity into a relationship of equality and harmony. Like some jigsaw puzzles, this can seem easier before it's unboxed. The key - no matter what type of relationship - is respect. And it is necessary to respect ourselves, not just the other person; otherwise, we may question the sincerity of their compliments or become a people-pleaser. The Scarab Beetle, known for creating a perfectly round ball of dung to feed its young, reminds us that good relationships are formed by developing honest communication, ways to handle conflict without aggression, and a sense of humor.

Litmus Test

From the Spacious Tarot, the Two of Cups; from the Phenomena Oracle, Wind:

Our findings show that pain is a particularly powerful ingredient in producing bonding and cooperation.  —Brock Bastian

Two cups sit on the leaf pads of a lotus, a plant that starts life in muck and mud then moves through murky water until it reaches the light. Adversity is a litmus test of relationships, either driving people apart or connecting them more closely together. During vulnerable times, it may encourage mutual cooperation, solidarity and exchange. As Harriet Jacobs wrote, "There are no bonds so strong as those which are formed by suffering together." And when the Winds of change blow, the resilience we've learned will provide a compass to navigate them. 

Chasms of Resentment

From the Tarot of the Masters, the Two of Cups; from the Key to the Kingdom, the Five of Hearts:

When the mind object drops away, even for an instant, all kinds of latent interpersonal possibilities emerge—for connection, empathy, insight, joy, and, dare we say, love.

—Mark Epstein

If the Lovers card is about union and commitment, then the Two of Cups is about reunion - compromise, conflict resolution and communication. It can take quite a leap to reach that side; both parties must let go of the story they've held onto firmly in order to widen their heart and mind. The Five of Hearts is paired with Ben Jonson's poem "Third Charm" which describes the eerie setting of a witches' incantation. Meant to incite fear, it implies another obstacle to peace when we are afraid to give up our story. Yet as John M. Green reminds us, "Fear incarcerates, but love liberates." We can hold people responsible for their actions without holding them hostage from our compassion.

More Beautiful

From the Albano-Waite Tarot, the Two of Cups; from the American Pen Oracle, Anne Bradstreet:

Kintsugi is a pottery technique. When something breaks, like a vase, they glue it back together with melted gold. Instead of making the cracks invisible, they make them beautiful. 

―Elliot Wake

There is a tenderness in the Two of Cups that seems different than the passion of the Lovers. The winged lion in this card is a symbol of St. Mark; Coptic tradition says that Mark hosted the disciples in his house after Jesus's death. Can you imagine the anger, fear and sadness of these men after watching their beloved spiritual leader tortured and murdered? They needed a safe, sacred place to process their emotions, or else they would brutally twist the wisdom they were taught. Anne Bradstreet writes: "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." To taste what is bitter can remind us of what was sweet and good. Reconciliation allows both parties to accept the past, forgive, and move forward towards a more valued relationship. 

But There Was Trust

From the Hezicos Tarot, the Two of Cups; from the Way of the Horse, Point of View:

I did not always think he was right, nor did he always think I was right, but we were each the person the other trusted. ― Joan Didion

Whether the relationship is business related, romantic, or between friends, a true partnership needs a foundation of trust. Not half-truths or the kind that conveniently omits some things, but the type that lays everything that might affect the connection on the table. Then comes the side dishes: mutual respect, shared values, communication and the willingness to grow. Last but not least is the ability to support rather than tear down the other when going through challenging times. Point of View asks us if we are seeing a situation from a self-centered point of view (how does this affect me) or a wide perspective (how does this affect us). When we support the other person, do we think of it as transactional (now you owe me)? Selfishness is a hammer for the nails in the coffin of many relationships. 

It had evidently not occurred to her as yet that those who consent to share the bread of adversity may want the whole cake of prosperity for themselves. ― Edith Wharton

Investment

From the Victorian Fairy Tarot, the Two of Cups; from the Handl Rune Oracle, Othala/Odal:

 

The opposite of Loneliness is not Togetherness, it's Intimacy.

― Richard Bach

One-on-one time is the greenhouse that cultivates closeness, warmth and trust between two people. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable - revealing scars and fresher wounds but also laughing without reserve. We talk of worries as well as exciting plans for the future. We share our reality with each other. There is something special about having a friend or partner who knows not just our outer persona, but what our mind and heart dwell and rest on. Othala, often translated as 'estate,' symbolizes homeland, community, and heritage. While we can't pick our blood relations, we can choose our friends and partners. And one-on-one time is a great way to figure out if a relationship is one we want to invest our time, energy and emotion on.

Made of Earth

This week I'll be using the World Spirit Tarot, published by Llewellyn and created by Jessica Godino and Lauren O'Leary. The oracle deck I'll be pairing with it is the Mystic Glyphs; it was published by Red Wheel and created by Barb Rogers. Today's draws are the Two of Cups and Rainbow:

Equal partnerships are not made in heaven - they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time.

—Bruce C. Hafen

Temporary partnerships are fine for temporary goals, but lasting relationships require more: respect and communication. Relationships are much like having a side job (though hopefully a more enjoyable one) because they require putting time and effort into them if they are to remain healthy. Yet the glue that can truly hold them together is made of shared values and principles. Rainbow represents promises and commitment. No partnership can withstand the constant breaking of trust, whether on a small scale or large one. It would be like trying to string a clothesline between a tree and a post in sand. 

What is Vital

From the Stone Tarot, the Two of Cups; from the Buddhist Quote Cards, Dhammapada 1:11:

The best partnerships aren't dependent on a mere common goal but on a shared path of equality, desire, and no small amount of passion. 

―Sarah MacLean

The best partnerships help fill each other's cups rather than sucking the other dry. However, there are no perfectly balanced relationships; sometimes we must fill in the gaps if there is an illness or crisis, and at other times one person is more talented and suitable for a task than the other. But it is impossible for one human to fill all of our emotional needs - we each must be responsible for our own well-being. The Dhammapada quote suggests we remember what is of major importance:

Those who consider the inessential to be essential and see the essential as inessential don't reach the essential, living in the field of wrong intention.

Are we expecting our partner (or is our partner expecting us) to have an ongoing supply of superfluous things while ignoring what is vital?

Agree to Disagree

From the Tyldwick Tarot, the Two of Cups; from the Antiquarian Lenormand, the Bear:

Our shared values define us more than our differences.

―John McCain

In a formal English garden, two huge flower containers sit on pedestals while separated by a triangular obelisk. Like the two planters, humans who would normally consider themselves friends or partners can elevate their opinions to the point where they divide themselves from each other. Yet the flowers are very similar, suggesting a commonality. Relationships between people usually occur because they share values, interests, or goals, but these seem to be forgotten. The Lenormand Bear implies strength, power and protection. It asks us if differing opinions are more important than protecting our relationship. Perhaps it is time to take Malcolm Forbes words to heart: "Diversity: the art of thinking independently together."

Port in the Storm

This week I'll be using the Somnia Tarot and its companion book, created and self-published by Nicholas Bruno. I'll also be using the Spirits of Nature Oracle, created by Steven Farmer and published by Hay House. Today's draws are the Two of Cups and Hurricane:

Don’t let people pull you into their storm. Pull them into your peace.

―Kimberly Jones

We all need someone to whom we can sincerely say, "You're my person." The Two of Cups can represent deep friendships, lovers, or faithful partnerships. These are the bonds that help us enjoy life to its fullest and keep our head above water when we're swimming in despair. Often, they are formed from yin and yang personalities, each companion helping the other to see the whole. Hurricanes are one of the most powerful and destructive forces of nature, generally 300 miles in width. Yet in the eye of these storms, the violent winds are calm. There is no way to prevent great disturbances - they are a part of the natural flow of life. But we can find our center during the turmoil by practicing the tenets of the Zen Peacemaker Order: Not-Knowing (letting go of fixed ideas), Bearing Witness (seeing all aspects of a situation, including our attachments and judgments), and Taking Action (responding appropriately from a place of equanimity). And of course, it helps to do these things when we have a person who walks with us through the storm.

Love is Like a Brick

From the Songs for the Journey Home, Second Wave Song (Two of Cups); from the Magic Neko Cards, the Eight of Diamonds:

Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.

~Lady Gaga

This gushing fountain is topped by two cherubs. In the early versions of Greek mythology, Eros was portrayed as a cosmic force that brought people together which often led to tragedy. Gradually, he was brought under the control of Aphrodite, who allowed him to create relationships but without his chaotic impulses. By the time the Romans acquired the story, Eros had become Cupid, a cherubic little boy who followed his mother’s wishes to make people fall in love. I'm about to celebrate a 35th anniversary tomorrow, and our marriage has had the ups and downs like the story of Eros. Thankfully we both matured, and moved from being 'in love' to knowing how to love on a daily basis. The Two of Cups is a fortuitous meeting; what we do from there is up to us. The Eight of Diamonds shows a cat playing a video game and represents competition. Any relationship based on one person winning and the other losing will never have a happy ending.

Needed Connections

From the Nigel Jackson Tarot, the Two of Cups; from the Wolf Pack, Isolation:

Loneliness is a subjective feeling where the connections we need are greater than the connections we have. –Vivek Murthy

The card of reconciliation and commitment pairs with a card of separation and division. Why would we choose to isolate ourselves rather than connect with healthy relationships for our well-being? Judgments and assumptions are likely at play.

1. We focus only on the outer packaging rather than inner values (kindness, etc.).
2. We hold rigid beliefs and opinions and refuse to associate with anyone who has even slightly different ideas.
3. We expect praise or acknowledgement; we are looking for a boost to our ego.
4.  We generalize from one experience - we judge the whole person from one thing said or done.
5. On the other side of the coin, we may assume we don't rate highly enough because others are smarter, wealthier, or have more social connections. 

We need not think alike to love alike. – Francis David

If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value. –Anonymous

 

A Gift, Not a Grind

From the Norse Tarot, the Two of Cups; from the Viking Lenormand, the Ring:

In good times and bad, it’s wisdom to know that neither lasts forever.

― Vincent H. O'Neil

The commitment symbolized by the Ring is balanced by the affection and tenderness of the Two of Cups. Who would want to stay in a partnership with someone who is unkind and self-centered? My husband and I had 'a day' yesterday, from sucking up the vacuum cleaner cord (and ripping it down to the wires) to chaos at the bank and then the pharmacy. It's not that we don't grumble and get frustrated or that we don't lose our patience and get testy. But we don't yell at each other and we try not to lose our sense of humor in the insanity of it all. Deeply caring for each other helps make our commitment a gift rather than a grind.

Two Oars

From the Victorian Fairy Tarot, the Two of Summer (Cups); from the Haindl Rune Cards, Thurisaz:

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one. – C.S. Lewis

True partnerships, whether in romance, at work, or as friends, truly are a gift. We seem to speak each other's 'language,' understanding how the other thinks and does things. It generates a warm feeling of belonging and connection that can sustain us through stormy seas and add enjoyment to balmy days. Thurisaz refers to the thurses, a race of primeval giants who represented raw, unguided potential. They were considered an enemy of divine order, so it makes sense that this rune would also symbolize thorns. When one person in a relationship develops new interests that the other doesn't share, such change can feel like the partnership has become unmoored and in danger of ending. Yet sincere interest and encouragement can be the two oars that keep it moving through those transitions.

Transmutation

This week I'll be using the Prairie Tarot, created and self-published by Robin Ator. Paired with it will be the Medicine Cards, a deck and book set published by St. Martin's Press and created by David Carson and Jamie Sams. Today's cards are the Two of Cups and Snake:

When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self-preservation, we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness.

~Joseph Campbell

This cowboy appears to be shy, allowing the woman to take the lead. At the start of most relationships, whether they're based in business, friendship or romance, one partner seems to take the initiative. Yet once established, the best partnerships (and generally the most healthy) allow each partner to take turns leading the dance. There's usually always something one partner is better at than the other. Snake is given the keyword 'transmutation,' meaning a change to a higher form (suggested by the snake shedding its skin). As Campbell points out, our greatest transformation can come when we step out of self-centeredness and include others in our orbit.

Walking Side by Side

From the Tarot of the Master, the Two of Cups; from the Paracelsus Oracle, Via:

These two covered cups on the platter are slightly different but complement each other. In other words, they make the platter look complete and whole. There is that same feeling in partnerships that are healthy and nurturing - our different assets can help balance each other. Via ('way') indicates movement, and its linear form suggests a road. It is associated with the Moon, signaling change. What is the way forward for a partnership? I am reminded of Seng Ts’an's words:

The great Way has no impediments;

It does not pick and choose.

When you abandon attachment and aversion

You see it plainly.

Partners

From the Brady Tarot, the Two of Horns (Cups); from the Wisdom of the Forest, Guardian:

Two Laysan Albatrosses have formed a partnership for life. Whether based in business, marriage or friendship, unions bring people together for a common purpose. However, a partnership does not mean one consumes the other, meaning they must have the same viewpoints and do things exactly alike. Their differences can actually be an advantage, as it can help them adapt more readily to change. The Guardian card suggests what a good union does imply - that we have each other's backs. Whether one partner is going through a challenge or whether he or she needs to pulled out of illusion and back to reality, partners support and encourage each other with kindness.

No partner... should feel that he has to give up an essential part of himself to make it viable.

~May Sarton

Letting Go of Holding Back

From the Swietlistej Drogi, the Two of Cups; from the Mirrors of the Heart deck, Freedom:

The Two of Cups always makes me think of intimacy, a bond formed when people connect on many different levels. Intimacy can include a hug, a shared experience, an intellectual conversation, the willingness to self-disclose and listen, or mutual values and principles. Yet for such a connection to be cultivated, Ayya Khema points out what must occur: "When other people are taken into the heart, the self has to step aside to make room." Her quote and the Freedom card suggest renunciation - not the giving up your Doritoes and Netflix kind, but letting go of what holds us back in life. In the words of Pema Chodron: "Renunciation is seeing clearly how we hold back, how we pull away, how we shut down, how we close off, and then learning how to open. It’s about saying yes to whatever is put on your plate, whatever knocks on your door, whatever calls you up on your telephone. How we actually do that has to do with coming up against our edge, which is actually the moment when we learn what renunciation means."

A Few Bumps Along the Road

From the Tarrochi Celtici, the Two of Water; from the Art of Asia Oracle, "Cat and Plum Blossoms" by Hishida Shunso:

An Irish elk (Megaloceros giganteus, now extinct) hangs out with two water nymphs near a birch tree and a pitcher. One of the keywords for this card was 'welfare;' it fits nicely if the Two of Cups is seen as a partnership of some kind. Who doesn't want someone to have their back, to care for their well-being? The Ogham Beth (purification) and the Birch (renewal) however, suggest that this relationship is one in which there has been forgiveness, amends and restoration. Shunso's painting has a quote from Eckhart Tolle assigned to it:

I have lived with several Zen masters — all of them cats. 

Others - whether family, friends, pet or partners of any kind - teach us how to get along with those who are different from us. We learn how to trust, how to forgive, and how to set healthy boundaries. We learn how not to take things so personally and seriously. Isn't sharing our life worth a few bumps along the road?

A Boy and His Dragonfly

From the Tarot of the Secret Forest, the Two of Cups; from the Faeries' Oracle, a Collective of Pixies:

Not a bond between a boy and his dog, but rather a bond between fairy and dragonfly is illustrated in this Two of Cups. From K-9 dogs and game wardens to horses that work with those who have disabilities, there is a strong connection between animal and human. The mind and heart of one can work in sync with the mind of heart of the other. Is there any better definition of a partnership? The Collective of Pixies might sound as inviting a collection of fire ant beds, but not these beings. They dance to help the flowers open, the trees to put down deep roots and aid in the photosynthesis of all plants. This is their duty, but they do it with a sense of merriment and humor rather than drudgery. I sometimes feel that I could do a job much easier if I did it myself, but these two cards encourage me to welcome my partner's help. If done with a lighthearted attitude, it could turn out to be more pleasure than work.