Gifts of Gentleness

From the Sasuraibito Tarot, the Three of Cups; from the Soul Cards, Where Does It Hurt:

When the suffering of another creature causes you to feel pain, do not submit to the initial desire to flee from the suffering one, but on the contrary, come closer, as close as you can to her who suffers, and try to help her. —Leo Tolstoy

Friendship is about more than good times and laughter; it asks us to bear witness to each other's pain too. We make sure basic needs are met, nurture with gentleness (rather than aggressive advice), and extend hope through a lens that offers a different perspective. It takes courage, because our first inclination is to attempt to sweep away their pain because it also causes us to hurt. The Soul Card, Where Does It Hurt, reminds me so much of Warsan Shire's poem:

i held an atlas in my lap

ran my fingers across the whole world

and whispered

where does it hurt?

it answered

everywhere

everywhere

everywhere.

What do we do when the whole world seems to be on fire? We start with those around us, whether it's a stray animal, a neighbor or a stranger, and offer them a little compassion and kindness without ducking.

Make Some Room

From the Slavic Legends Tarot, the Three of Cups; from the Urban Crow Oracle, Play:

When you lose your laugh, you lose your footing. –Ken Kesey

Honestly, when I drew these two cards this morning, I wanted to stuff them back into their respective decks. Lately the people I hang out with only want to talk about "him," the war, the high cost of everything, and other worries or problems. I don't mind, as I do think these things need to be discussed. But I also need to balance this darkness out with light - laughter, fun, and discussions of things that entice me with wonder and curiosity. As Pema Chodron wrote, we need to make room for all of it - not just the bad stuff.

The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. 

Superficial Differences

From the Shadowscapes Tarot, the Three of Cups; from the Cedar Runes, Ansuz:

"Raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways, all my underdogs..." 

—Pink

Sometimes we don't need a special occasion to commemorate, we can just celebrate the belonging we find in companionship. It is a gift of grace to find friends who share our quirky sense of humor, understand the hardships we face, and have similar goals or interests. Ansuz is often associated with the Norse god Odin and thus represents spiritual insight and wisdom. After being locked in a jury room for several days and many hours - unable to discuss the case until testimony was complete - I was reminded of something important. No matter how different people seem on the outside, our inner lives cross over a lot of those boundaries. Before we get too particular in our judgments about who should or shouldn't be included in our friendships, we should take the time to get to understand them on more than just a superficial level. A bow to those 16 men and women jurors I got to know a little better.  

Are They Kind?

From the Norse Tarot, the Three of Cups; from the Wolf Pack, Release:

We harm ourselves as well as others if we become callous. To judge without being judgmental requires empathy. ―Charles H. Webb

This Three of Cups seems more sedate than the usual celebration filled with dancing. It reminds me of my husband's uncles and aunts from Alabama (sadly now all departed) who used to come to Georgia to visit. They were originally a large farming family, but once they retired, they sought out their kin. I think they missed that feeling of belonging. Release encourages a letting go of our personal opinions about others. We must judge - discerning whether something or someone is safe and healthy for us - but to be judgmental slides into the area of intolerance. We think other people's beliefs are ridiculous and without worth because they are so different from our own. Yet curiosity will show that we are all shaped by individual experiences in different ways. A better scale would be to ask, "But are they kind?"

River of Change

 From the Sheridan-Douglas Tarot, the Three of Cups; from the Pages of Shustah, Aquarius:

A person is a fluid process, not a fixed and static entity; a flowing river of change, not a block of solid material; a continually changing constellation of potentialities, not a fixed quantity of traits.

—Dr. Carl Rogers

Douglas describes the Three of Cups as enjoying the fruits of love and companionship. The people we choose to befriend are important because they can influence and enrich our lives. We can celebrate each other's joys and successes and support each other through hard times and loss. Our relationships make life meaningful. Aquarius indicates change - an awakening due to new ideas. What happens when our partner or close friend suddenly appears bearing a new philosophy to present to us? It may feel like (no matter how illogical it sounds) that they should have discussed this with us first. Yet this is not a terrible development if these new ideas are constructive and beneficial. We may find that they improve or enhance our life too.

Nourishing, Flourishing

From the Hidden Realms Tarot, the Three of Cups; from the Heart of Faerie, the Lady of Sorrows:

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.

―Oprah Winfrey

We have many reasons to celebrate - graduations, weddings, births and birthdays. But these fairies are celebrating just for the heck of it. Without all the plans and formalities, this spontaneous get-together has no expectations other than to have fun and share each other's company. This lively party doesn't even have a guest list; it's open to anyone who wants to laugh, dance and have a good time. The Lady of Sorrows is a hoarder of hurts. She's easy to recognize in groups because she's too busy griping instead of enjoying herself. But her resentments are like acid reflux, hurting her every time she relives them. As Wendy Froud writes, "To feed on hurts and sorrow is to live, perhaps, but never to thrive." Forgiveness grants us the light and space for flourishing.

Rare People

From the Wayfarer Tarot, the Three of Water; from the Curious Oracle, Moonrise:

Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.

– Ed Cunningham 

No, this is not a group of gals at a nudist club. Their bareness indicates how intimately they share their lives with each other; knowing that trust and devotion are deeply honored, they have nothing to hide. Such closeknit companions tend to be small in number rather than large, which enables the bonds that come from listening to each other's stories. Moonrise suggests illumination where only darkness was before. Sharing history, present challenges, and future dreams allow people to understand how our life was shaped and why we tend to act and react as we do. And close friends who know us well, can be our mirror, helping us to be aware of our choices. 

Ardor and Fidelity

From the Dark Goddess Tarot, the Three of Water (Mami Wata); from the Tattwa Cards, Fire: Seed of Earth:

The orchestra whirls me wider than Uranus flies;

It wrenches such ardors from me I did not know I possess'd them.

~Walt Whitman

Mami Wati is the Igbo goddess of ardor and fidelity. The core of her worship is dance - rhythmic, abandoned movement rather than something choreographed. Who wants a religion that or philosophy that doesn't allow a little pure, ecstatic joy to balance out the seriousness of daily life? We all need to lay down our burdens occasionally. Fire: Seed of Earth represents alchemy, tempering our enthusiasm and optimism with an eye on our objective. We need release to clear our minds, but staying in that blissful state won't help us move forward.

Unlocked

 From the Cosmic Tarot, the Three of Cups; from the L'Oeil de Lotus, Man:

The body cannot lie. It will always tell the truth. ―Dr. Gabor Maté

Unlike the typical carefree dancing of the Three of Cups, here we see a slow, pensive dance. It might suggest freeing the body of emotions locked inside. As Maté explains, stress is just as much physical as mental; our bodies are intrinsically linked to our mind and emotions. Having trustworthy people that we can be vulnerable with may help release what binds us. The illustration for the Man card made me think of an opening line in a Spinners song: "Hand me down my walkin' cane, hand me down my hat." Though it speaks of going to a dance club, movement - walking, yoga, etc. -can be an aid when we attempt to deal with suppressed feelings. 

The quality of our relationships and the support we receive greatly impact our health.

―Dr. Gabor Maté

 

Emotional Sharing

From the Tarot of the Secret Forest, the Three of Cups; from the Faeries' Oracle, Penelope Dreamweaver:

The companion booklet describes the Three of Cups as emotional sharing, one way we can manage our emotions so they don't manage us. As the proverb says, "Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow." Talking about our feelings with those we trust also develops closeness and strengthens relationships. As C.S. Lewis wrote, we find ourselves saying, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." Penelope Dreamweaver reminds us that inspiration can be subtle and may appear in the most ordinary encounters. Rather than trying to force it to happen, we just go about our day focusing on what is in front of us. It might even appear unexpected in our conversations with friends!

An Innate Ability

From the New Era Elements Tarot, the Three of Water (Cups); from the Tao Oracle, Difficulty in the Beginning (Hexagram 3):

I see real love as the most fundamental of our innate capacities, never destroyed no matter what we might have gone through or might yet go through. It may be buried, obscured from view, hard to find, and hard to trust . . . but it is there.

―Sharon Salzberg

Abundance (Three of Water) indicates that there is a wellspring of love that does not turn into a trickle and stop. But this feeling of warmth and joy is based on outflow - it is shared without demands or expectations and depends on a willingness to be vulnerable to receive it. As Henri J.M. Nouwen explained, "Friendship and love cannot develop in the form of an anxious clinging to each other." Hexagram 3 - Difficulty in the Beginning - suggests a feeling of chaos and confusion around us or within us. Yet what is actually happening is that, ready or not, what we have outgrown is falling away. Though it may be difficult at first, this is a beneficial stage of growth that will benefit us later on. It is much like those beginning relationships that feel awkward at first and then later blossom into a deep and beautiful connection.

Daily Toxins

From the Anima Mundi Tarot, the Three of Cups; from the Nature's Pharmacy deck, Milk Thistle:

It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol. ~Brené Brown

California sea lions, intelligent and social, travel in groups of 12 or more and hang out on man-made structures such as piers and jetties. They remind us that we need time to simply hang-out with our friends with no agenda. Milk thistle, named for the white veins on its prickly leaves, has been used with some success to improve liver function. The liver filters all of the blood in the body and breaks down poisonous substances, helps digest fats and carry away waste. It is an organ that purifies until it has been overworked by excessive alcohol or drugs. These cards remind us that we can cause great harm when we don't create space in our lives for things other than work or worry. We need to make time for what will help us filter out the daily 'toxins' we take in.

Honey in the Pot

From the Tarot of the Enchanted Forest, the Three of Visions (Cups); from the Mushroom Spirit Oracle, Maitake:

A day without a friend is like a pot without a single drop of honey left inside.

— Winnie the Pooh

These three bears cavorting in the woods ask us a question: Have you been making time for your friendships? In the hectic busyness of our days, it's easy to forget the importance of our connections. Eventually, when our heart aches or we have a funny story to tell, we discover that empty void.  As Lunaea Weatherstone wrote, "You don't need a special occasion; the time you spend in good company is a celebration in itself." Maitake means 'dancing mushroom' in Japanese and is said to be a powerful adaptogen (an aid to help the body be resilient during stressful times). What better balm is there than good friends? 

Play Date

From the Ship of Fools Tarot, the Three of Cups; from the Wisdom of the Four Winds, the Tree of Life:

Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.

~Dr. Seuss

Three lasses have donned fool's robes, making me think of Halloween and going trick-or-treating. But instead of candy, they might be asking for a refill of their cups. I remember over forty years ago going to the grocery store with friends (when we were 'in our cups'). We took dozens of kid and adult sunglasses off their display stand and adorned all the fruits and vegetables in the produce section, chortling the whole time at our artwork. There is nothing like laughing until you cry as a pressure valve release; it can reset one's outlook on life. Pohutukawa - the Tree of Life in Maori mythology - is a tree that can survive on the salty edge of the land, clinging precariously to impossible rocks and cliffs. With its crimson, feathery flowers, this tree has a spiritual meaning for Māori, connecting the beginning and ending of human life. In my busyness, when I forget how precious those limited circles around the sun are, it's time to find some friends for a play date.

Without Reserve

From the Osho Zen Tarot, the Three of Water (Cups); from the A'HA Oracle, Tenderness:

The thing that leads to intimacy and relationship and connection is tenderness.

―Greg Boyle

Celebration doesn't depend on circumstances or a special day, but on enjoying the close relationships we've developed. Having a few trustworthy, devoted friends can make even rainy, dark days a bit brighter. But those kind of connections may not be easy to find because we may fear being taken advantage of when we are vulnerable. That is a possibility, but we can at least use those situations to look for any red flags we missed when we dare to try again. Tenderness suggests a heart that is generous, warm and spacious. It is accepting of the whole, even if some parts don't align with our preferences. Such a heart tends to draw other such hearts, creating a small cluster of people who care for each other without reserve.

Heart Lift

This week I'll be using the Victorian Fairy Tarot, created by Lunaea Weatherstone with Gary A. Lippincott and published by Llewellyn. Paired with it will be the Haindl Rune Oracle, created by Hermann Haindl and published by U.S. Games. As an additional resource, I'll be dipping into The Serpent and the Eagle by Chris Travers. Today's draws are the Three of Summer (Cups) and Raido:

No friendship is an accident.

―O. Henry

We're entering summer here, also known as 'hell season' to those not acclimated to our intense heat and humidity. These birds and fairies show just how to cool off in such weather as they splash in the water. At times, we may also need a cathartic cleansing for our emotions. While a cold shower might be helpful, time spent with companions who know how to laugh and have fun can be even better medicine. The rune Raido means 'riding,' and can signify literal or metaphorical travel. I recently received a card from a dear friend who moved to another state quite a few years ago. She is returning next month, and I look forward to renewing an in-person relationship with her again. My heart gets a lift just thinking about it!

Adding, Not Subtracting

From the New Liminal Tarot, the Three of Cups; from the State By State playing cards, the Six of Spades - Wisconsin:

Forget bingeing on Ben and Jerry's and Netflix. There is nothing more stress relieving and joy inducing than hanging out with some close pals who have a sense of humor and love to have fun. It is as refreshing as standing in the cool spray of a fountain on a hot day. The Six of Spades illustrates what Wisconsin is often known for - it's cheese. The Dairy State's combination of fertile land and balanced climate allows milk production to excel; Wisconsin produces more than 350 varieties, types and styles of cheese–nearly double that of any other state. Cheese just seems to make a lot of meals better, and it is often added to some dishes considered to be 'comfort food.' Yet when we're feeling stressed or down, we often subtract the things that will make us feel better, whether good food, companions or something else. What do you need to add back into your life?

The Pleasure of Your Company

From the Granny Jones Australian Tarot, the Three of Cups; from the Button Oracle, Bridge:

This card made me think of the wording on many wedding invitations: "request the pleasure of your company." There are some folks who are indeed a pleasure to be with, whether the occasion is a celebration or a chin-wag. Such a relationship is simply founded on the concern for the well-being of each other. The Bridge button's quote comes from Angela Merkel: "A good compromise is one where everybody makes a contribution." In suspension bridges, the cables must be anchored at each end of the bridge, since any load applied to the bridge is transformed into tension in these main cables. Likewise, healthy relationships share the load - one person is not responsible for being the ear that listens, the shoulder cried upon, or the giver of encouragement. 

Forgotten Strife

From the Tarot of the Sidhe, Dancer Three (Three of Cups); from the Green Man Tree Oracle, Hazel:

When the whole shines full and round

The three blithe dancers may be found.

Skipping for the joy of life,

For friendship and forgotten strife.

~Emily Carding

Somewhere in the last decade, we seem to have lost our joy of life. Perhaps it is the result of divides created by politics or religion, or maybe it is the stress of the rising cost of living or Covid still hovering in the background. How do we find our way back? Hazel has been associated in myth with wisdom, and it asks, "Can you let go of your knowledge and allow it to be replaced by wisdom?" Wisdom would suggest that we stop judging and start loving others who are different from us. It would suggest we learn to live modestly and begin looking for simple joys and wonders every day. Things won't change overnight, but a personal change in outlook and behavior can sure make the world look brighter.

An Evening In

From the Tarot of the Cat People, the Three of Cups; from the Insectorum Divinorum, Nest/Fall Webworm:

The Fall Webworm moth lays its eggs on the underside of deciduous hardwood trees. When the larvae hatch in the late summer and fall, they create webbed nests on the tree limbs. Larvae feed inside the tents, which offer thermal regulation and some protection, until the late instars. In my neck of the woods, they seem to prefer pecan trees. Since the leaf munching happens right before the leaves would normally drop, they do little damage to trees. Their silk nest and the relaxed look of the woman with the purring cat on her lap remind me that fun and connection doesn't necessarily mean crowds, loud noise and imbibing. Sometimes it's just a relaxed evening in with your favorite people (or cats).