Emotional Anchors

From the Sasuraibito Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Soul Cards, Structural Support:

          I can just imagine this elder fellow inviting me to sit in a rocker on his porch while pouring me a cup of tea or coffee. He projects the kind of calm and centeredness that can be an anchor to people who are emotionally upset. Studies have shown that a tranquil environment is helpful in finding our emotional balance. The Structural Support card implies that the kind of people we lean on in challenging  times can make a big difference. Folks who have the most beneficial effects are not fixers but who willingly bear witness to our pain, listen attentively, and respond with tender honesty and kindness. They tend to say things like:

• You're not alone. I'm here for you.
• How can I help?
• Your feelings are valid.
• This is a process that may take some time, but it won't last forever.

While they might not offer instant solutions, their peaceful presence and faithful friendship can provide the ballast needed to sail through rough seas.

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing…not healing, not curing…that is a friend who cares. — Henri Nouwen

Temptations of the Mind

From the Sasuraibito Tarot, the Seven of Swords; from the Soul Cards, Nothing to Hide:

Rise above the deceptions and temptations of the mind. This is your duty.

― Sivananda

          This young lady represents defiant deception; we've all experienced it in one form or another. It begins when our mind tells us things like: "They have more than enough and I am in need, therefore I have the right to take from them" or "He's often maligned my character simply out of meanness. I have the right to do the same." Yet as Friedrich Nietzsche said, "The most common sort of lie is that by which a man deceives himself." What we use to convince ourselves that we're taking righteous action is like a dandelion seedhead on a windy day. It's cannot stand up to scrutiny or the truth. Even worse, deceptive actions are seeds on the breeze; once planted, they bring a crop of similar behaviors. Nothing to Hide suggests considering how our reasoning would look to others if it were laid bare before all. It's easy to rationalize in our own mind, but it can look very different when we say it out loud to other people.

Bearing Witness with Love

From the Sasuraibito Tarot, the Lovers; from the Soul Cards, Breaking Free:

Our choices determine our fate. ~Robert Place

          Investing in a relationship changes us when it is supported by a deep commitment based in love. It tests and stretches us, yet we also find that such vulnerability and openness can fill us with a joy and contentment that is rare. But the other side of the coin is found in Breaking Free: what happens when loss or change threatens that bond? Do we find ourselves wanting to sprint away as quickly as possible to protect our heart? I am currently the caregiver of a 16 year old cat in rapidly declining health. Because he is not in pain (and because he has always been terrified of the vet), I have made my bedroom into a hospice to allow him to pass where he is most comfortable. My heart sinks as I watch him continue to weaken. And if I am honest, my head tries to convince me that if I have him euthanized I won't have to bear witness. But I know this is not the right choice for him - to die surrounded by bright lights, harsh smells and loud noises at the hands of a stranger. Love doesn't let the other - whether person or pet - go through the hard stuff alone.

What Are We Waiting For?

From the Sasuraibito Tarot, Judgment; from the Soul Cards, Moving On:

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. ~Barack Obama

          Many hear the call to rise and go forth. But it can feel mighty comfortable wrapped in our soft quilts, hidden in our little cocoon. Yet once our hearts and minds have been opened, pretending to ignore the inner prodding to act will become more difficult. As Moving On suggests, its time to spread our new wings and test them out. Time stands still for no one; the present is constantly becoming the past. In the words of Seneca, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

What are you waiting for?

Places and People

From the Sasuraibito Tarot, the Four of Wands; from the Soul Cards, Protective Wing:

Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.

~Joseph Campbell

          This Four of Wands reminds me of a greenhouse protecting whatever rests inside against the winter cold. So much happens in the outer world that we can't control or change; it helps to have a sacred place where we can center ourselves and rest. Whether a man-made structure or nature-made one, it is usually always a personally chosen one. The Protective Wing card implies that it's not just places that offer refuge, it's also people. Like the Snickers commercial that says "You're not you when you're hungry," it often applies when we're angry, lonely or tired. Having a wise friend who can guide us back to calm and sanity during chaotic or challenging times is an invaluable treasure. As Buddha told his followers: "Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life." Truth and tenderness can go a long way in keeping us upright when we're listing to one side.

Unexpected Jabs and Gifts

This week I'll be working with the Sasuraibito Tarot, self-published by Stasia Burrington. I'll also be using Soul Cards 1 & 2, created by Deborah Koff-Chapin and published through her company, Center for Touch Drawing. The Soul Cards have no titles, so the ones given here are my own. Today's draws are the Five of Swords and The Gift:

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. ~Max Ehrmann

          Brag, pontificate, shock and stir-the-pot - these seem to be the main motives for people posting on social media these days. While looking for an obit of an acquaintance on Facebook this morning, I ran across a post by a relative who seemed to think that Asian American hate was something made up by liberals. My first thought was to add a few daggers to my own fingers and reply that his white male privilege was showing. But then I had to pause and ask myself, would that help and heal or inflame and cause more aggression? Such a comment would just show my own hostility and create more hatred. But how do I channel this energy in a healthy way? The Gift shows an angel-like figure giving a flower to a person whose world has gone dark. I too can offer unexpected kindnesses to those who are struggling. It may simply be by asking "How can I help?" It's surely a better alternative than trying to win a battle based on hatred.

Aggression only moves in one direction - it creates more aggression.

~Margaret J. Wheatley

I've Got You

This week I'll be working with the Sasuraibito Tarot, self-published by Stasia Burrington. I'll also be using Soul Cards 1 & 2, created by Deborah Koff-Chapin and published through her company, Center for Touch Drawing. The Soul Cards have no titles, so the ones given here are my own. Today's draws are the Three of Cups and Creative Support:

What a lovely card for the Three of Cups. Whether a community of like-minded people or a few close friends, we all need a self-chosen tribe to celebrate our accomplishments and milestones with. Burrington writes in the companion booklet that no matter what kind of group it is, the positive feelings are the same: "feeling like you belong; feeling loved, secure, supported and cherished." The hard part is that we generally have to seek and reach out to these people, yet the deep trust found in these friendships is worth any effort. In the Soul Card, I see a guardian with one arm protecting a child as the child reaches upward. Here again is another reason to have a tribe - support. Whether we are stretching our creative talents or moving on from a loss, it is comforting and encouraging to have a cheering section. Instead of "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine," this is the unconditional statement, "I've got your back."