Pincushion

From the Shadowlands Tarot, the Three of Swords; from the Brownie Wisdom deck, "Small deeds:"

If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart...

― Pema Chödrön

We've all been a pincushion at times - the object of constant criticism or unkind barbs. No matter how cool we try to look on the outside, it still hurts. If we retaliate instead of taking care of our wounded heart, then all we've done is create two people in pain. When that victorious feeling of getting in a jab at another person fizzles, we're left to ruminate on our own hurt. The Brownie card encourages us to flip the script, to do some small, good deeds for others instead or perpetuating pain. Then we'll create two people filled with joy. 

Not a Hitching Post

From the Buckland Romani Tarot, the Three of Chivs (Swords); from the Lakota Sweat Lodge Cards, Unk (Passion and Satisfaction):

The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post.

—L. Thomas Holdcroft

In the Buddhist Wheel of Life, the hell realm is both fiery hot and icy cold. Psychologically, the hot part includes rage and desire for revenge, while the freezing part contains the protective armor we put on to protect ourselves from further hurt. Unfortunately, this armor also blocks our ability to be kind, tender and compassionate. Betrayal is painful and we need to grieve it, but it is meant to act as a rearview mirror, not our headlights. Mother Earth supplied humans with Unk - passion and the satisfaction that comes from it. A heart burnt to a crisp from anger or frozen from disconnection will never find satisfaction because it exists only the past, which cannot be changed. 

Just a Sham

From the Tarot of the Masters, the Three of Swords; from the Key to the Kingdom, the Jack of Clubs:

Let them believe that they're loved and wanted and then show them that it's all a sham.

― Agatha Christie

Ricklef's sketch is based on Gustave Courbet's Girl with Seagulls. Used as the Three of Swords, it reminds me of the baiting used to hunt game and birds. The animals see it as an offering of food and end up paying for their trust with their lives. How do we know if people are trustworthy and won't betray our love or friendship? We watch rather than just listen. Do they omit or exaggerate important details? Do they follow up on promises in a timely manner? Do they keep confidences? As Terry Goodkind wrote, "Only those you trust can betray you." The Jack of Clubs is paired with a poem based on Shakespeare's play that ends with: "On Midsummer's eve take you dreams to bed, let you wake a fool with a donkey's head." Sometimes our desires and longings override our common sense. In this case, "sleep on it" might not be a bad idea.

Everyday Reality

From the Tarot of Durer, the Three of Swords; from the Philosopher's Stone, Skill:

Trust takes time to develop but can be destroyed in a moment. Our connections to others make us feel secure and accepted, but when severed can create a mental or emotional crisis. We tend to be sensitive about our ideas, opinions and sense of self; a joke at our expense, a dig at our viewpoints or a snarky comment about about anything we identify with can feel like a betrayal. Yet Skill hints at the ability to use our mind to cultivate clarity and wisdom, seeing what's beneath our reactions (rather than focusing on what someone else said). We may realize that we all want similar things (joy, companionship, etc.), but we all have different ways of getting there. Rather than accepting any abuse heaped on us, we can simply choose not to hate the other or be swamped by self-pity.

Happiness is not simply the abundance of pleasure in the absence of pain. Rather, it is to remain confident and optimistic in the face of everyday reality.

–Tricycle editors

Wisdom Blisters

This week I'll be using the Tarot of the Abyss, created by Ana Tourian and published by U.S. Games. I've paired with it the Nature Mandala Meditation Cards, created and self-published by Michelle Wallace. Today's draws are the Three of Swords and Remember:

Ignorance is bliss. Wisdom is blisters.

― Brian Spellman

Tourian's Three of Swords doesn't represent the heartache of betrayal, but the what happens when ignorance is replaced by insight. What was originally denied or avoided has now become an unveiled truth, one that can't be resealed in the bottle. Though we lost our beautiful illusions, now we can at least respond intelligently to reality as needed. This is what the Remember card suggests; insights must extend further than knowledge - they must also be applied. As Carlos Wallace explained, "shutting out your problems does not dismiss them. Ignorance is not bliss. On the contrary, it creates an opportunity for those problems to grow."

How We Grieve

From the Sasuraibito Tarot, the Three of Swords; from the SoulCards, Spiraling:

As we tell the story of what has happened, it becomes not so much the story of what has actually occurred as the story of our pain and our fear. —Norman Fischer

We've all experienced the heartache that comes with deception, but how we grieve can make a big difference in our emotional and mental health. The Spiraling card depicts those moments when we spend all of our time cursing or accusing those we hold responsible for our pain. We are so caught up in our anguish and wish for retaliation that we see no other possibilities other than the hell we reside in. In fact, we become so tightly coiled around our suffering that we don't see much of anything else. The young girl in this card, gazing at her heart with compassion, has figured out that the way through the hurt is self-care rather than allegations and self-pity. 

Response to Pain

This week I'll be using the Wild Unknown Tarot, created and self-published by Kim Krans. I'll also be using the Pictish Oracle, created by myself and brought to life in 3-D form by the laser talents of Deborah Ross. Today's draws are the Three of Swords and the Cauldron:

Loss often results in a strange tangle of grief and anger that ties our rational mind in knots. Such strong emotions override our ability to see a situation with any degree of accuracy or objectivity. Any action taken while within this muddle will likely make things worse. Instead of impulsively reacting, we can choose to do nothing for the moment; we can stop fueling the mental story and let the energy pass. Yet the Cauldron symbolizes something we can feed and nurture - our spirit through acts of self-care (rather than self-indulgence). We can find a creative outlet, cry, connect to our support systems, go for a walk outside or engage in some other wholesome activity to help us find our center again. 

The difference between an unwise person and a wise person lies in how they respond to pain, not in whether or not they achieve an absence of pain.

―Vidyamala Burch

The Best Revenge

From the Tarot of the Masters, the Three of Swords; from the Key to the Kingdom, the Jack of Clubs:

The three dead birds in this Three of Swords reminds me of folks who see lovers not as a person but simply as conquests. For unattached people looking for love, charm can be hard to ignore when they are desperate and being paid some attention. Even if they've heard stories about the charmer, they may believe they can be 'the one.' When that turns into a notch on someone's belt or handbag, it can be easy to want revenge. Yet the Jack of Clubs is given a verse that might make us pause:

Jackass in the box,

Turn the key and up he pops;

On Midsummer's Eve

Take your dreams to bed,

Lest you wake a fool

With a donkey's head.

In the words of George Herbert, "Living well is the best revenge."

Dewdrop World

From the Tarot of Pagan Cats, the Three of Swords; from the Brownie Wisdom deck, The Sacrifice:

This dewdrop world

Is but a dewdrop world. And yet, and yet—

~Kobayashi Issa

Issa was a Japanese poet whose life was marked by tragedy, including the death of his wife and three children. His poem expresses the understanding that life is by nature impermanent, yet humans will still grieve when what we love is lost. In our transient world, love is a sweetness mixed with the sharpness of sorrow. However, we have two antidotes to help us heal: equanimity and compassion. Yet as the Brownie points out, it will require a sacrifice - in this case, of self-absorption. Equanimity is a balance born of wisdom, a tender understanding that our loss is not abnormal in our world. Compassion is being willing to sit with the suffering of others with a desire to bring them comfort. It helps us recognize that this deep grief is experienced by all beings.

Bruised Places

From the Albano-Waite Tarot, the Three of Swords; from the Rumi Cards, 'Fall Into:'

We all have tender or bruised places on our heart, places that when jabbed send us into a tailspin of deep grief or despair. The yellow on this card looks washed out compared to the bright yellow of the Fool's card drawn yesterday. Awareness of anything other than our pain gets dimmed; the rational side of the intellect is pushed aside. We may have a choice where to place our attention, but our pain will insist that we keep it there. The Rumi quote 'Fall into' suggests that we realize that human love is imperfect and fluctuating, no matter how strong it might be. Yet we treat it like a breeze we've opened our door to, thinking it will stay inside with us forever without changing. The poet Aeschylus wrote, "There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief. Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times." We can't go back, we can only move forward, even if that movement is excruciatingly slow. 

Bitter or Better

From the Sheridan Douglas Tarot, the Three of Swords; from the Pages of Shustah cards, Scorpio (Card of the Scorpion):

The darkness of this Three of Swords emphasizes how pain and betrayal can be so unexpected that it seems to come out of nowhere. It leaves us hurting and wondering why someone lashed out in such a way and what we might have done to instigate it. The booklet that comes with this deck suggests this is necessary suffering in order to see the situation or people around us in a clearer context. Such an awakening can often roust us from our cocoon of denial so that we no longer ignore the truth. The Scorpio card represents high energy that can be channeled toward moody vindictiveness or can be used for investigative purposes. It would be a shame, however, to use all that energy on 'why' (which will never really give us any satisfaction). Instead, we might ask 'what now,' and focus on finding our footing, moving ahead and not making the same mistakes again.

You either get bitter or you get better. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you.

— Josh Shipp 

Don't Forget to Breathe

From the Tarot of the Abyss, the Three of Swords; from the Nature Mandala Meditation Cards, Opportunity within Uncertainty:

One day you’ll round a corner, your path is shifted.

In a blink, something is missing. It’s stolen, misplaced, it’s gone...

Your path, as though channeled through a spectrum, is refracted, and has left you pointed in a new direction. —Kevin Kling

When we experience loss, we often react in either one of two ways: we try to eliminate everything that reminds us of that person or thing, or we try to hold on to everything that does remind us of them. Neither trying to cling to nor shove away a loss actually helps us heal (though I suppose it makes us feel like we're doing something). Grief is a process, a slow progression that allows us to gradually let go of what was and accept what is. Opportunity within Uncertainty suggests that even in our despair we can continue to embody compassion and kindness (for ourselves especially). We can look for beauty and embrace gratitude, even while we shed our tears. And as we do this, we pay attention to any small ray of light that may appear in our darkness; perhaps it can lead us back into the sunlight.

To survive we must return to our senses, touch, taste, smell, sight, sound.

We must let our spirit guide us, our spirit that lives in breath.

With each breath we inhale, we exhale.

—Kevin Kling 

Broken Glass

This week I'll be using the Roots of Asia Tarot, created by Amnart Klanprachar with Thaworn Boonyawan and published by AGM Müller. I'll also be using the Mah Jongg Oracle, created by Derek Walters and published by Thunder Bay Press. Today's cards are the Three of Swords and Carp:

          Where there was once a head and trunk, now there is only a pierced heart in this painting. When we have been betrayed or hurt, our world can begin to rotate around our pain. The booklet suggests this card is about coping with sorrow caused by the loss of something in which we were emotionally invested. We desperately crave for things to be different, to go back to the way they were when we were happy. But the more we funnel our thoughts in this direction, the worse it gets. It's as if we accidentally step on broken glass in bare feet, then continue walking back and forth across the sharp pieces. The Carp symbolizes inner calm and contentment, a time when troubles might not be over, but we have come to terms with the situation. How do we move from a place of suffering to acceptance? As Bodhipaksa writes, we focus on self-care rather than the mental story we've constructed about the situation. 

Once we’ve practiced by turning toward our pain and offering it care, we often find that things shift radically. The sacred pause of mindful compassion becomes a conduit for wisdom and other inner resources that we sometimes aren’t aware we had. 

—Bodhipaksa

Seeing the Blue

From the Golden Tarot, the Three of Swords; from the Yantra Deck, Love:

Love is space. It is developing our own capacity for spaciousness within ourselves to allow others to be as they are. That is love. And that doesn’t mean that we don’t have hopes or wishes that things are changed or shifted, but that to come from a place of love is to be in acceptance of what is, even in the face of moving it towards something that is more whole, more just, more spacious for all of us.

—Rev. Angel Kyodo Williams

          A woman sits with her journal, consulting it to discover the 'why' behind her pain. "Why did she betray me?" "Why did he leave me?" "Why was what I loved taken from me?" She will find no answers that heal, only create more thoughts that hurt her. Instead, she might ask, "What now?" Love means being vulnerable, exposing the soft sides of our hearts. When we are hurt, it is easy to constrict our minds and hearts to only the situation or person that triggered our suffering. But our hearts and minds are much more spacious than that. If given the chance to look at the whole rather than one small part, we might find the blue sky behind the clouds.

The Hooks of Attachment

From the Tarot de St. Croix, the Three of Swords; from the Archetype Cards, Goddess:

Thoughts are not a problem in themselves. Thoughts are like fish-bait. If you stop biting at the bait you won't get hooked. ―Willa Miller

          The fire added to the broken heart reminds me of how anger and pain are braided together - anger over a trust that has been broken and the hurt of accepting the reality of it. A feeling of aggression can drive us to escalate the situation, thinking we're seeking resolution. Yet it appears one of the swords in this card is transforming into a needle. Perhaps the recognition is dawning that healing will only come through our own efforts to let go of the drama and move on. The Goddess archetype represents the wisdom of the feminine, seen in characteristics such as patience, compassion, acceptance, reflection and intuition. If we can embrace and hold our pain with compassion (without getting hooked by the mental story), the energy of emotion will pass. If the embers become a flame again, we repeat this practice, over and over until those coals have cooled.

When you begin to investigate, you notice, for one thing, that whenever there is pain of any kind—the pain of aggression, grieving, loss, irritation, resentment, jealousy, indigestion, physical pain—if you really look into that, you can find out for yourself that behind the pain there is always something we are attached to. There is always something we’re holding on to. The first thing the Buddha ever taught was the truth that suffering comes from attachment. That’s in the books. But when you discover it yourself, it goes a little deeper right away. ―Pema Chodron

See What is Shown

From the Granny Jones Australian Tarot, the Three of Swords; from the Button Oracle, Bugler:

People may not always tell you how they feel about you, but they will always show you. Pay attention.

 ― Keri Hilson

          The tradition of cutting a tie or scarf originally started with pilots; after successfully completing a solo mission, cutting the scarf meant they were no longer under the supervision of their instructors. In the Three of Swords, it suggests letting go of our attachment to someone in order to free ourselves from the power we've given them. Yet the swallowing of pride indicates a reluctance - likely because we fear what others will think. Ironically, most folks will already be aware that a husband is a cheater or a boss gives his employees managerial responsibilities while paying them like paupers. The Bugler, in historical times, was used to send messages to the troops during battle. It's message with this card might reflect the words of Charles J. Orlando: "You don’t let go of a bad relationship because you stop caring about them. You let go because you start caring about yourself."

To Heal a Wound

From the Buckland Romani Tarot, the Three of Chivs (Swords); from the Lakota Sweat Lodge Cards, Stone:

To heal a wound you must stop scratching it.

~ Paulo Coelho

          When my heart hurts in response to the words or actions of another, my pain can quickly get channeled into anger. Anger lets me trade in my feeling of being powerless for power, as rage and thoughts of revenge provide a distraction for my sorrow. But like the icy steps on that vardo, resentment is a slippery slope. No amount of spiteful payback will erase the history of what happened, but it sure will keep that river of hate and pain flowing. Instead of this strategy, Stone suggests I seek a more stable foundation that will provide a sense of groundedness. Melvin McLeod writes: "Emotion is ego’s best ally. How do I find freedom from difficult emotions? Enjoy your life. So much changes when you enjoy life, day by day, in simple, wholesome ways. You are happy to be on this earth. You cheer others up and show them they can enjoy life, too. You are not driven to hurt people by your own unhappiness. Far from being selfish, enjoying your life is the best gift you can give."

Conscientious Compassion

From the Anna K Tarot, the Three of Swords; from the Meditation Cards, Sword of Justice:

It has been well said that we do not see things as they are, but as we are ourselves. Every man looks through the eyes of his prejudices, of his preconceived notions. ~Samuel Silas Curry

          It would be easy to judge this woman as the 'bad guy,' having spurned her admirer's affections. But a close look at the haggard expression on her face implies that she takes no joy in walking away. We may see people at their best and their worst moments, but what we don't see is what goes on behind the closed doors of their minds and hearts. The quote for the Meditation Card comes from Bhikkhu Bodhi:

When compassion and justice are unified, we arrive at what I call conscientious compassion. This is compassion, not merely as a beautiful inward feeling of empathy with those suffering, but a compassion that gives birth to a fierce determination to uplift others...

Perhaps this woman has two ailing, elderly parents at home and it's all she can do to meet their needs. Instead of a lover, this woman might need a friend who could lend a hand. But her suitor will never know unless he looks past his own desires and asks about her needs.

Unconventional Joy

 From the Alchemical Renewed Tarot, the Three of Swords; from the Oracle of the Radiant Sun, Eccentricity (Saturn in Aquarius):

We should not be afraid of suffering. We should be afraid of only one thing, and that is not knowing how to deal with our suffering.

—Thich Nhat Hanh

          This heart-shaped vessel has sprung a leak - likely the result of those swords crammed inside of it. Life is full of harsh words, events and situations that hurt our heart. What occurred is the original sword that causes our pain, but we continue to add thoughts that add to our suffering: "How could I have been so stupid? I will never find another friend like her. My life is empty now that he's gone." Those added thoughts and emotions - our mental story around the circumstances - create secondary pain that makes everything seem and feel so much worse. The taskmaster Saturn combines with the nontraditional altruism of Aquarius in the Radiant Sun card. It suggests meaningful change that might look weird or seem strange to others. But if it helps us move through our pain rather than add to it, why worry?

 We must be unconventional in our joys and find them wherever we can.

― Rose Tremain

Not Reactive Sideswipes

From the Brady Tarot, the Three of Arrows (Swords); from the Holitzka I Ching, Hexagram 43:

          Western scrub jays mourn one of their own. I too, am in mourning. This election (and current administration) has divided friends, families and the nation. I've removed myself from groups and friends who have gleefully posted online or stated openly things that were untrue, hateful and filled with venom. I don't mind if people have a different religion or political party from what I've chosen. But I do mind when they react aggressively and vindictively in an attempt to assassinate another person's character simply because they don't like that person. Hexagram 43 is titled Breakthrough, a suggestion to find equilibrium without polarizing a situation. I can find new friends and groups without denigrating those I've left behind. I can act, as Timothy Morton put it, with "proactive choices, not reactive sideswipes."