Taking Time

From the Mary-El Tarot, the Knight of Cups; from the OH Cards, Time/Anger:

To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind.

~Theophile Gautier

Each of the knights of tarot are on a quest to find a particular Grail; the Knight of Cups seeks the one that serves the heart. To see and serve with the heart means that we see the potential for good in everyone. What has been done in the past does not mean the future will be the same. Life can sometimes wear down the sharp, jagged edges of people. We don't need to open ourselves to harm, but we can recognize that even the lotus seed begins its growth in the muck and mud. The Time and Anger cards, however, indicate that we've applied our personal timetable on such change. Yet impatience, expectations, perfection and frustration all grow from the mind. They deplete our energy and cloud our judgment. These are the moments we can practice developing patience, which begins in the heart.

Patience is taking the time to love what is difficult to love.

~Zenju Earthlyn Manuel

Depression and Anger

This week I'll be using the Victorian Romantic Tarot, created by Alex Ukolov and Karen Mahony with Magic Realist Press as publisher. I will also be drawing from Dreaming in Color: the Luman Deck, created and self-published by Mindy Hope Sommers. Today's draws are the Four of Cups and Anger:

          This Four of Cups card pegs me perfectly today with my feeling of an emotional hangover. Yesterday started off well, but then crashed and burned by noon. I'm sure everyone has had those kind of days. In my case, things that were supposed to be simple got complicated, someone used me as their vomit bucket, and then my heart got twisted and hurt from a situation over which I am powerless. I don't know why I think the day should've floated perfectly along just because it was my birthday; life doesn't really care about those kind of things. But look what lurks underneath that tired, depressed feeling - the deep, red of anger. It reminds me of the dark color of blood without oxygen in it (no clarity). Part of my emotional imbalance is that the doctor gave me a injection of steroids and put me on a dose pack of pills for six days for the poison ivy reaction. For someone who rarely takes medicine, it has given me a wallop. I'm beginning to understand why people use the term 'roid' rage; I feel prickly and have a blinding headache all the time. I had a dharma note in my email this morning that was a quote by Ram Dass; it basically said that there is grace to be found in suffering, and suffering can create wisdom. I know whining won't help me find either of these, but realizing reality isn't intentionally picking on me can help. I can also choose to start my celebration over - a new day without any expectations to weigh it down.

Emotional Assets

From the Legacy of the Divine, the Ten of Cups:

This card is probably among my favorites in this deck.  The fiery Sagittarius symbol and the watery Pisces symbol hanging from the mantel are also reflected in the relationship of the cat and dog. Can such different personality types learn to get along and enjoy such harmony? I think so, if the self-centeredness of the ego will step out of the way. We can help soften each other's sharp edges and provide each other with a different perception of the world. If I want to stay in this place of contentment and deep joy, I must not let the small stuff distract me from the emotional assets that abound.

From the Steps to Serenity comes "Anger:"

Have you ever started out your morning feeling light-hearted and happy, then run into a person who proceeded to try to convince you otherwise? I had that experience today, and I initially felt like the bear in this picture looks. How dare someone take away my good feelings! I'm not sure why, but some folks thrive on seeing the worst case scenario in every situation or believing there is a conspiracy behind everything that happens. However my job is not to change these people's ideas (which is impossible anyway), but not to react to them. If I let them affect my equilibrium, the fault lies with me.

Fish Out of Water

From the Illuminated Tarot, the Page of Cups:

Intuitive, empathic and sensitive, the Page of Cups is a "fish out of water" only when he is not allowed to express his emotions.  He loves to do small kindnesses and offer words of encouragement to keep others' spirits up.  He seems to know what a person is feeling even without being told.  His heart is always full, but like the "water" that seems to spill from his hat, his emotions often overflow at times too.  He tends to take everything personally, whether intended or not.  A beacon of light shines above his head, almost as if announcing, "Give me your sad, your grieving, your huddled masses who need cheering."  With his cup extended, he does bear a certain similarity to the Statue of Liberty...

From the Dreaming in Color deck comes "Anger:"

The dark, blood-red color of this card is in direct contrast to the cool blues and greens of the Page above.  The spiraling, tunnel-like design reminds me how quickly this emotion can suck me in and take me to a place of aggression.  I struggled with finding the connection between this draw and the one above, until I realized how little patience I have with overly emotional people.  I grew up in a home where tears were not only made fun of, they were also punished - anger was the only emotion that was deemed "strong."  It's no wonder that even today I quickly become uncomfortable and irritated with people who cry a lot.  I must remember the problem is not with them, it is with me; maybe by allowing other people to express themselves, I'll learn to do the same.