Into the Light

This week I'll be using the Mary-El Tarot created by Marie White and published by Schiffer. The oracle deck I'll be using this week is the OH Cards, created by Ely Raman and Joe Schlichter, and published by EOS Enterprises.  There are two decks in this set, one with pictures and one with words that you lay the images on, but I'll just include the picture one. Today's draws are the Moon and Companion/Fear:

Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.

— James Stephens

White's Moon shows the face of Hathor, an Egyptian goddess who was a feminine counterpart to the sun gods. The vulture with her symbolized the eternal cycle of death and rebirth because of its ability to transform the carrion it fed on. Likewise, the unconscious takes our memories into its darkness, including our deepest emotions, to file away until needed. Transformed into a symbolic language, they can seep out when triggered by something in the present that seems similar to the past. Without looking deeper at the source of these inner nudges, it is easy to be thrown off balance by them. The Companion/Fear cards suggest that when we have such an upsetting emotional jolt, it may be helpful to find a trusted friend with which to share it. Talking about these memories and emotions that have been in the dark can bring them into the light, taking away a lot of their energy. We might find that they are simply bits of information meant to help us rather than hurt us.

The Space of Failure

From the Victorian Romantic Tarot, the Page of Pentacles; from the Dreaming in Color Deck, 'Fear:'

          Don't let the slouching teen on the fur fool you; he is constructing something in his head. First, he sees in his mind what he wants to create, then he'll diagram it on paper (looking for any flaws) while listing the resources he will need. With paper in hand, he'll gather his tools and supplies and begin working to materialize his idea. This studious young man can seem like an old man in a young body; he is often too serious and worries about all the 'what ifs.' I'd tell him to go read Pema Chodron's advice to her granddaughter's graduating class:

If you want to be a complete human being, if you want to be genuine and hold the fullness of life in your heart, then failure is an opportunity to get curious about what is going on and listen to the storylines. Don’t buy the ones that blame it on everybody else, and don’t buy the storylines that blame it on yourself, either.

Out of that space of failure can come addictions of all kinds—addictions because we do not want to feel it, because we want to escape, because we want to numb ourselves. Out of that space can come aggression, striking out, violence. Out of that space can come a lot of ugly things.

 I can tell you that it is out of this same space that come our best human qualities of bravery, kindness, and the ability to really reach out to and care about each other. It’s where real communication with other people starts to happen, because it’s a very unguarded, wide-open space in which you can go beyond the blame and just feel the bleedingness of it, the raw-meat quality of it.


It’s from that space that our best part of ourselves comes out. It’s in that space—when we aren’t masking ourselves or trying to make circumstances go away—that our best qualities begin to shine.

Still Standing

From the Albano-Waite Tarot, the Nine of Wands; from the Rumi Cards, 'Fear:'

You know I'm still standing, better than I ever did

Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid.

I'm still standing after all this time,

Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind.

~ Elton John

          People who've survived hellish childhoods or traumas, those who've been deployed to fight overseas, women who've been battered and abused, those who deal with chronic mental or physical illness, and folks who struggle in poverty are symbolized by this card, particularly if they've managed to survive with a little hope and determination still in them. Yet living in survival mode can create behavior patterns that are hard to shake, even when a person finds a more stable life. Rumi suggests that if love is to thrive, we must cut off the head of fear. Rather than being triggered by past memories and repeating old behavior, we must learn a new way to live that keeps our heart and mind open. Emotional memories can inform and guide us, but only if there is concrete evidence in the present.

A Sword in the Heart

From the Neuzeit Tarot, the Three of Swords; from Rory's Story Cubes, Fear:

          What first struck me about these three swords is the faces on them are smiling. But isn't that how some of us cover our sadness instead of crying? Take a look at the blades: one has a vampire-like figure, another appears to represent our nurturing/mothering side, and the last is a volcano exploding. People who "feed" on us, people/projects we nurture, and people/situations that fill us with rage - all ways we can feel overwhelmed. Yet my Buddhist training reminds me I am not the only person who suffers (note the four colors behind the swords). And I have some responsibility to take, not for the actions of others, but for the way I've been hooked. Those stories I tell myself keep me anxious (as the Fear cube shows) thinking "something bad will happen" if I don't keep all my balls in the air. And after a while that defeated, fearful feeling can begin to feel like sorrow. As Pema Chodron suggests, I need to stop narrating and pay attention to what's really important:

 If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart...  

Tortoise on the Half-Shell

From the Thoth Tarot, the Princess (Page) of Cups:

The Princess of Cups is elementally Earth of Water. Her emotions (and the emotions of others) pull her along with the force of a rip tide. But her shell-like cup holds a tortoise, an animal that lives on solid ground. She knows that emotions can be channeled toward good; they may be what drive people to implement beneficial programs and policies. For instance, MADD was founded in 1980 in California by Candice Lightner after her 13-year-old daughter was killed by a drunk driver. And Donna Norris was the push needed to create the Amber Alert system after the abduction and murder of her 9-year-old daughter Amber Hagerman in 1996. I am encouraged by this Princess to use my emotions to spur me toward healing and helpfulness rather than burying myself in anger, fear or grief.

From the Vertical Oracle comes "Fear:"

The wall of fire and the bionic arm reaching through it seems like something out of an old horror flick or a glimpse into someone's nightmare. Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat (real or not). The author advises: "Imposter fears may actually do more harm than real fears if they close your mind and immobilize your will." So basically, I can hide and shiver inside my tortoise shell, or I can let my fear motivate me to do something positive and constructive.

Jack of All Philosophies

This week I'll be using the Illuminated Tarot, a re-colored version of the Rider-Waite-Smith created and self-published by Carol Herzer.  Today's draw is the Hierophant:

When I see the Hierophant pop up, I can't help but compare him to the High Priestess.  They both have the fancy, big hat and robe thing going on, and they both sit between two pillars.  But the Hierophant has columns that are the same (not black and white as in the High Priestess), and he has followers or initiates who have chosen his path (while the HP is alone).  My first reaction to him is a negative one, seeing only a rigid way of thinking and living.  But lately I've begun to question whether my "skim the surface" approach is any better.  Instead of a "Jack of All Trades," I've become a "Jack of All Philosophies, and Master of None."  There is no digging deep into the marrow with this method, and no real community with which to discuss my ideas.  Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss the Hierophant after all.

The oracle deck I'll be using this week is the Dreaming in Color Deck (aka Luman Deck) created and published by Mindy Sommers.  This morning's draw is "Fear:"

I recognize the gray-green shades of color in this card; they resemble the complexion of a nauseated person.  In adding this emotion to the Hierophant above, I wonder if I have a fear of commitment.  I was the unmarried one while friends of mine were already wedded and having babies.  It took me awhile before I felt I had the right guy, but now I have been married for 24 years.  Is it a fear of losing my freedom that keeps me from pledging my allegiance to one person, group or philosophy?  Am I afraid of making the wrong choice?  Perhaps most of it stems from my "all or nothing" attitude; if I am not 100% on board with a path's beliefs or views, I tend to dismiss them as a whole.  Maybe I don't have to eat everything on the philosophical plate to sit down to dinner with them after all.   

It's Just a Movie...

From the Thoth Tarot, the Priestess:

This priestess hides behind her web with a bow across her lap, reminding me of the goddess Artemis.  However what she hunts is not in the outer world but an inner one.  Like a hunter, she knows she must be still and let her "self" melt away, beyond the boundaries of the ego.  She is receptive and lets what she seeks come to her, rather than chasing after it.  As the Hanged Man from yesterday also taught, patience is needed to find the knowledge offered.

From the Vertical Oracle comes "Fear:"

This bionic hand reaching through the fire reminds me of a horror flick   Alli, in his companion booklet, writes: "Not all fears are reality-based.  Imposter fears may actually do more harm than real fears if they close your mind and immobilize your will."  Usually what I fear is just an emotion based on an experience from my past that I project into the future.  It just feels real, and by the time those physiological responses kick in, my brain is yelling, "Don't just sit there, DO something!"  If there really is no immediate danger, I must take the time to sit quietly with my fear, looking to see if what is behind it is real or just a movie in my head.

The Courage to Change

The deck I'll be using this week is the Illuminated Tarot, a recolored version of the RWS created by Carol Herzer.  The card drawn this morning is the Eight of Cups:

A waning crescent moon lights the way as a man begins a journey away from what he's known.  The pattern in which the cups are stacked make it appear as if one is missing.  Indeed, this man is aware his life is unfulfilled in some emotional or spiritual way.  It may be due to a relationship, a job, a community, or just feeling stuck in a rut.  He's looking for the missing piece, for something that will fill his "hole in the soul," and give him a sense of purpose.  His departure makes me hope that he has also evaluated what is inside himself and not just his external circumstances.  I know too well that "wherever you go there you are;" if I want my life to change and become more rewarding, the first changes must be within myself.

     The oracle deck I'll be using this week is Dreaming in Color: The Luman Deck by Mindy Sommers.  These cards, created from a mixture of nature and fractals, use the power of color to convey feelings.  Today's card is "Fear:"

It is interesting how the spot of purple in this card mirrors the cloak of the man in the Eight of Cups above.  Change within or without can make me anxious, and that feeling can either paralyze me or make me run away from a situation I need to deal with.  To be productive, fear requires that I sit with it and look at it realistically.  Byron Katie's four questions can help me do this:
1) Is it true?
2) Can I absolutely know that it is true?
3) How do I react, what happens, when I believe that thought?
4) Who would I be without the thought?