Spending Addiction

 From the Nigel Jackson Tarot, the Three of Coins; from the Viking Lenormand, Key:

You’ll never out-earn bad habits. Fix those first.

―Joseph C. Kunz Jr.

We all know folks who are skilled, knowledgeable and work hard, yet they always seem to be broke. Becoming proficient in any field includes money management. Not only do we need to balance the costs of our resources with what we charge for our product or services, we must learn to spend what we make wisely. A big payday means covering our bills and putting some in savings before we splurge. The Key suggests looking for answers - in this case, controlling our addiction to spending. Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz created four steps to take when our craving begins to replace our common sense:

Relabel - Remind yourself of the reality: “I don’t need this, it’s only an obsessive thought, an unfounded belief. Even though there is a feeling of urgency, there’s not anything urgent actually going on.

Reattribute - Place the blame on your brain: “My brain is sending me a false message. Because my desires are ingrained in my brain, they are easily triggered when I’m stressed, tired, unhappy or bored. They feel powerful, but they’re only arising from an automatic brain mechanism, not a moral failure.”

Refocus - The compulsion will pass if given some time. Find something to do that is enjoyable and will keep you active. Teach the brain it doesn’t have to obey the addictive call.

Revalue/Devalue - Realize the impact of the addictive urge. The addicted brain puts a false value on the behavior. It has caused many more problems than it has ever fixed. 

Nettles

From the Nigel Jackson Tarot, the Queen of Swords; from the Viking Lenormand, the Tree:

When people will not weed their own minds, they are apt to be overrun by nettles.

― Horace Walpole

The truth for this Queen is simply seeing the world as it is. We tend to get intoxicated by our emotions, opinions, assumptions and concepts, often secretly thinking we're experts. However, she advocates for clarity and self-honesty, encouraging us to have the patience to listen and ask questions. She reminds us that we'll need to prop open our mind and be aware of when new information tries to slam it shut. The Tree represents steady, strong growth. Such development allows us to see areas that need improvement as well as opportunities and resources. If we can't see clearly, we won't know how to appropriately respond to any situation, much less any challenge.  

Starved for Love

From the Nigel Jackson Tarot, the Eight of Cups; from the Viking Lenormand, Cross:

There's truths you have to grow into.

― H.G. Wells

The Eight of Cups represents leaving a situation that we find unfulfilling. Perhaps it was the relationship we thought was perfect, the job we felt was made for us, or the group that we assumed had the same values and interests we did. Yet when is leaving a matter of immaturity, simply wanting things our way? Patience, perseverance, wise decision-making, dependability, self-control, and humility are hallmarks for maturity. These traits usually take challenging experiences to develop. But the Cross implies burdens and sacrifices that might be too much for anyone to bear. If we are in a situation that is controlling, manipulative or abusive which is affecting our mental or physical health, then leaving is the sane thing to do. Otherwise, we might find ourselves in the words of Ayushee Ghoshal, "You make me feel like a firefly. Trapped in a bell jar; starved for love."

Not Always Destiny

From the Nigel Jackson Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Viking Lenormand, the Stars:

I sat with anger long enough until it told me its real name was Grief.

―Unknown

Unlike his wife, the King of Cups prefers ebb tide when he can see what the sea was hiding beneath its waves. He knows that people can cry when they're angry or rage when they are fearful. Outer emotions don't necessarily explain what is hidden beneath them. When intense feelings begin to wane, he can then uncover the ideas, expectations and frustrations that instigated them. The Stars often suggest a person's destiny, a predetermined course of events. But what if that course could be changed by noticing and altering our 'constellations' of behavior and the patterns of thinking that drive them? As James Baldwin reminds us, “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

No Thanks

From the Nigel Jackson Tarot, the Knight of Pentacles; from the Viking Lenormand, Bouquet:

In a self-absorbed society with a narcissism epidemic, everyone values image perception over reality. 

― Sunday Tomassetti

This Knight of Cups holds his chalice up in the air like it's a trophy, which brought to mind "trophy wives." This term originally appeared in a 1950 issue of The Economist newspaper, referring to the historical practice of warriors capturing the most beautiful women during battle to bring home as wives. Nowadays it refers to a someone who is chosen for their physical attractiveness and the ability to impress others; such a person would also affirm the virility and power of the chooser. How strange that people would prefer a life of wealth rather than being valued as a person and loved. Bouquet suggests joy and success. Being able to discern the relationships that will bring us misery and instead choosing the ones that will bring us happiness is a trait worth celebrating. As Mary Ann Shaffer points out, "I'd have become one of those abject, quaking women who look at their husbands when someone asks them a question."

Beware the Shadow

This week I'll be using the Nigel Jackson Tarot, created by Jackson and published by Llewellyn. I'll also be using the Viking Lenormand, created and self-published by my talented friend Carole Beasley. The draws this morning are the Ace of Coins and Garden:

Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.

― Aesop

The Ace of Coins suggests substance (concrete things) and sensation (the information from our senses). Aesop warns us to not spend too much time in our minds - fantasizing, ruminating, or contemplating abstract ideas - because we might unintentionally lose what is in the here and now. Garden usually makes us think of the outdoors. Yet there's a big difference in being outside at a birthday party with 15 rowdy kids or doing yard work versus simply sitting in the quiet and paying attention. Nature captures all of our senses, whether a bird's song or a breeze, helping us to slow down and see with a full heart.

Learning to be Receptive

From the Albano-Waite Tarot, the Queen of Cups; from the American Pen Oracle, Jeffery Deaver:

Accepting reality doesn't mean being complacent about it; acceptance can be the foundation of seeing clearly... —Kazu Haga

The Queen of Cups is, elementally speaking, water of water. Her cup is covered, not to repress her own emotions, but because she is consciously aware of what feelings are going on within without having to act on them. This queen makes a good therapist - she can hang out with someone for a few minutes and pick up on whatever emotional station someone is broadcasting from. While she is kind, warmhearted, and a good listener, she does her best not to add her emotions to someone else's lest they both become submerged. Her job is to help people become receptive to reality in order to learn to respond appropriately to it. As Jeffery Deaver wrote: "Yield and you need not break. Bent, you can straighten. Emptied, you can hold. Torn, you can mend."

More Beautiful

From the Albano-Waite Tarot, the Two of Cups; from the American Pen Oracle, Anne Bradstreet:

Kintsugi is a pottery technique. When something breaks, like a vase, they glue it back together with melted gold. Instead of making the cracks invisible, they make them beautiful. 

―Elliot Wake

There is a tenderness in the Two of Cups that seems different than the passion of the Lovers. The winged lion in this card is a symbol of St. Mark; Coptic tradition says that Mark hosted the disciples in his house after Jesus's death. Can you imagine the anger, fear and sadness of these men after watching their beloved spiritual leader tortured and murdered? They needed a safe, sacred place to process their emotions, or else they would brutally twist the wisdom they were taught. Anne Bradstreet writes: "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." To taste what is bitter can remind us of what was sweet and good. Reconciliation allows both parties to accept the past, forgive, and move forward towards a more valued relationship. 

Enjoy It While You've Got It

From the Albano-Waite Tarot, the King of Pentacles; from the American Pen Oracle, Robert Frost:

See how, just as drifting sands constantly overlay the previous sand, so in our lives what we once did is very quickly covered over by subsequent layers. —Marcus Aurelius

The A-W's wild colors for this card make it look like this King has been overgrown with moss or lichen. It reminds me of a photo I bought at an art show - an old pair of leather hiking boots covered in moss and nearly hidden by plants. It was titled "Back to Nature." It strikes me that this King, who has proven his business acumen, knows that either we will lose things or things will lose us. That's why he doesn't mind indulging in a few comforts or delights. Robert Frost wrote "Nothing gold can stay," but he also wrote “Live life like it's the last breath you take for that breath is the whole essence of living; the little things in life are what connects us to all the big things we live for.” Enjoy it while you've got it!

It Starts From Within

From the Albano-Waite Tarot, the Queen of Pentacles; from the American Pen Oracle, Eudora Welty:

Wherever you see fit to serve, your wise and embodied offerings are needed.

—Ruth King

The Queen of Wands has charisma and confidence, but one of her most amazing skills is being able to lead without the power of the King. She leads through influence rather than authority, understanding how to foster collaboration and be a team player. She is trustworthy, inspiring, and always willing to help support others in their interests. Though some of us may have knowledge or skills that might be of use or interest to a group, we may fear we don't have the experience to guide anyone. Eudora Welty offers us some encouragement: "A sheltered life can be a daring life as well. For all serious daring starts from within."

Quick as a Shot

From the Albano-Waite Tarot, the Ace of Pentacles; from the American Pen Oracle, Alice Hoffman:

Look to this day:

For it is life, the very life of life.

In its brief course lie all the verities and realities of your existence:

The bliss of growth,

The glory of action,

The splendor of achievement. 

― Kalidasa

It doesn't matter if we're a teen or in our seventies, each day offers us seeds to plant. When we're young and busy with school, work or a family, we often see these seeds as something that we just don't have the time to cultivate. When we're older and have more free time, we might not want to get out of our comfortable routines. But nothing will grow if we don't plant the gifts of each day; we won't get a chance for a do-over when we realize the opportunity we've lost. As Alice Hoffman reminds us, “Good fortune can take forever to get to you, but as it turns out, sorrow is as quick as a shot.”

Magnifying Stuckness

This week I'll be using the Albano-Waite Tarot, recolored by Frankie Albano and published by U.S. Games. Along with it, I'll be using the American Pen Oracle, a deck I made for personal use that includes quotations from American poets and writers. Today's draws are the Hierophant and Anne Lamott:

But if you’re stuck, you might get more entrenched in your stuckness by speaking to people who are like you, because they’ll magnify that stuckness.

― Adam Alter

I always think of the Hierophant as a teacher or religious leader who draws people together based on a framework of beliefs and values. But on a lark, I looked at Kaplan's LWB that comes with this deck and found this: "Captivity to one's own ideas. Tendency to cling to ideas and principles even after they are outdated." So basically, while being part of a group with a defined creed can create a feeling of safety and comfort, it can also make us feel stuck when we need to adapt to change. Anne Lamott adds her words of wisdom: "There's a lot to be said for having really reached a bottom where you've run out of any more good ideas or plans for everybody else's behavior; or how to save and fix and rescue; or just get out of a huge mess, possibly of your own creation." It's time to step outside our clearly defined ideas, talk to some people who are different from us, and LISTEN.

 

True Power

From the Tarot of Durer, the Ten of Cups; from the Philosopher's Stone Deck, Power:

Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.

―Lao Tzu

Whether a family or another group, finding contentment and joy with others requires that we use our will carefully. We all know the following kinds of people, and at times we have been them:

• Those who constantly share their unasked-for opinions about everything, which has the effect of breaking down rather than healing or cultivating relationships.
• Those who are experts on everything, and therefore never listen or need to apologize for anything they do.
• Those who constantly give 'advice,' which is actually only words that are critical or belittling.

The psychologist Albert Ellis wrote, "People have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware." If we want happy, healthy relationships, we need to look at what is hidden within ourselves.

Swinging in the Breeze

From the Tarot of Durer, the Hanged Man; from the Philosopher's Stone, Distance:

Sometimes the simplest and best use of our will is to drop it all and just walk out from under everything that is covering us, even if only for an hour or so—just walk out from under the webs we’ve spun, the tasks we’ve assumed, the problems we have to solve. They’ll be there when we get back, and maybe some of them will fall apart without our worry to hold them up.

—Mark Nepo

The Latin phrase assigned to the Hanged Man can be translated "There are many snares for the good." So many of us have good intentions as we try to help people in a bad spot or attempt to make a serious situation better. Though there is so much we can't control or even influence, our emotions prod us forward anyway. Then we find ourselves trussed up, frustrated because we are unable to make a difference. Distance suggests detachment, but not in an "I could care less" manner. Rather, we pull back enough to get some perspective (wake up to reality), recognizing there are some things that are not in our power to change. We keep our hearts connected, but our hands off.

Not Splinter

From the Tarot of Durer, the Five of Cups; from the Philosopher's Stone, Existence:

Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

―M. Scott Peck

To exist in physical form is to have periods of psychological pain, including regret, grief and despair. Such suffering can shrink our world until the only part we see is what hurts. We often add additional pain by thinking this shouldn't have happened to us, that we don't have the resources to deal with this, that we just don't know what to do now; our pain becomes doubled. What is required at this point is for us to widen our perspective beyond our hurt. As Mark Nepo explained, "When feeling a splinter, we must, while trying to remove it, remember there is a body that is not splinter, and a spirit that is not splinter, and a world that is not splinter."

The Welfare of All

From the Tarot of Durer, the Lovers; from the Philosopher's Stone, Insight:

We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. 

–Carlos Castenada

The Lovers motto can be translated "Nothing is difficult for the one who loves." Watch couples who lose a child or those who are aged and dealing with health struggles, and it is easy to see where love makes strong or blame and complaint make miserable. If I break a finger on my left hand, my right hand will not wag a finger or make obscene gestures; it will do all it can to help find relief for its partner. That is the loving connection of true partnership. Insight suggests that we not only acknowledge our relationship with those we love but recognize our interconnection with all beings. As Helen Keller reminds us, "The welfare of each is bound up in the welfare of all." 

Zoom at Your Own Risk

From the Tarot of Durer, the Knight of Pentacles; from the Philosopher's Stone Deck, Trial/Assessment:

Total certainty can mean there's no assessment of things. 

—Chris Ofili

The detail-oriented Knight of Pentacles pairs well with the Stone card symbolizing trial/assessment. He doesn't mind pausing in the middle of his work because it gives him a chance to assess what's been done so far. He's concerned with the two Es: efficacy (are his actions are producing the desired effect) and efficiency (is he is accomplishing this with a wise rather than wasteful use of resources). Because of three floods, our yard has picked up a lot of weeds. In an effort to keep them from spreading without resorting to chemicals, I mow with a bag attachment to collect the seed heads. I confess I have been in a hurry at times and zoomed up, down and around in order to finish quickly. Unfortunately, I forgot to attach the bag catcher, so I had to mow everything again. Slowing down and pausing to check on things is a must for efficiency and efficacy. 

Don't Just See, Watch

From the Tarot of Durer, the Queen of Batons; from the Philosopher's Stone, Skill:

We live our lives supposing things are as they appear to be when that is almost never the case.

― Richelle E. Goodrich

Don't judge a woman by her coverings. This Queen is nearly unrecognizable, but her cheekiness in showing a bare leg is a big hint, as is the crown on her baton and lion at her feet. We are geared to make assumptions about appearances, but we are wiser when we do not. The Stone card shows off its skill in levitating a stone over its head - sort of like us walking while balancing a book on our head. It suggests that we would do well to draw our conclusions from actions rather than how people look or what they say. Our house got hit hard by Hurricane Michael, and the flooding that ensued from it necessitated moving our HVAC unit, pulling all the mucky ductwork from under the house, and putting new ductwork in the attic. These repairs unfortunately left a huge hole where the unit had been with no bricks to fill the wall. After much searching, a friend recommended a fellow who agreed to find some bricks and do the job. This man was in his 80s, had only a few teeth, and couldn't speak well. But today, no one can tell where the old brickwork meets the new. Outer appearances can hide much.

Could Be AstroTurf

This week I'll be using the Tarot of Durer, created by Manfredi Toraldo and Giacinto Gaudenzi and published by Lo Scarabeo. The oracle deck I'll also be using is the Philosopher's Stone, created by De Es and published by AG Muller. Today's draws are the Four of Chalices and Hazard:

"Est modus in rebus" - There is a measure in things.

The booklet for the Durer deck states the Four of Chalices represents stability and reliability. But this little bird has just hatched out of one confining space to find itself surrounded by a circle of cups that are also enclosed with a fence. I know a woman whose husband gave her all the material things she could ever want, but she never had a say in their relationship about anything. History is full of dictators who have promised abundance and prosperity but had a militarized country. In both cases, freedom was sacrificed. Can there be emotional fulfillment where there is such control? The Philosopher's Stone card has the title Hazard, but its subtitle gives more of a clue about its meaning: prevoyance. In other words, we 'hazard' a guess about probability, using foresight to plan and make wise choices. As Karen Salmansohn put it, "The grass is always greener on the other side - until you get there and see it's AstroTurf."

Unfolding

From the Rosetta Tarot, the Ace of Cups; from the Day of the Dead Lenormand, the Tower:

So many people are shut up tight inside themselves like boxes, yet they would open up, unfolding quite wonderfully, if only you were interested in them.

― Sylvia Plath

The Ace of Cups represents loving energy, the need to love and be loved. Meleen describes it as a point of being receptive and merging with others. But these two actions require that we make space in our lives, that we don't just talk about ourselves and do only what we want to do. It means being open to what others are interested in and what's on their minds too. The Tower in Lenormand generally represents big organizations or the government. However, in the area of relationships, it suggests distance and standing alone. As Jo Helm wrote, "Lost in a sea of self, we forget the beauty of the shore."

Out of Motion

From the Rosetta Tarot, the Queen of Wands; from the Day of the Dead Lenormand, Sun:

Unfold your own myth.

― Rumi

The Queen of Wands is straightforward, independent, and self-motivated. An elemental combination of water and fire, she is the steam engine that flies down the tracks to her goal. But because she is also a nurturer, she wants to inspire others to follow their dreams and passions too. She doesn't force but encourages, believing in us until we can believe in ourselves. Learning and doing something new and different can make us feel like a fumbling fool. But as the Sun indicates, having someone cheer us on can keep us going until we find our footing and develop some self-confidence. As Richard E. Byrd reminds us, "Progress grows out of motion."

Long Enough

From the Rosetta Tarot, Death; from the Day of the Dead Lenormand, Heart:

All compounded things are subject to vanish.

―Buddha

Meleen's Death figure wears a fish cloak, depicting how he patrols the river of life, unfolding decay and mortality along the way. Death does not care if such change is welcomed or feared. His appearance reminds me of the Three Insights:

1. Everything is temporary; experiences are continually changing. 
2. Every experience has the potential for startling the mind into confused resistance (suffering) or arousing it into sober attentiveness (equanimity).
3. Everything is contingent. Nothing happens without having been caused by something and without impacting future events.

The Heart reminds us to love deeply, widely and fully, even in this transient world. As Seneca advocated: "It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life, if well lived, is long enough."

Through the Portal

From the Rosetta Tarot, the Fool; from the Day of the Dead Lenormand, the Mountain:

A warrior accepts that we can never know what will happen to us next... This not knowing is part of the adventure, and it’s also what makes us afraid.

―Pema Chödrön

Meleen uses a Dionysian figure to represent the carefree joy of the Fool. He has no fear about what awaits him as he exits this portal to an unknown world. When we first open our eye portals every morning, there is a very brief moment before we make assumptions about the day ahead; like the Fool's entrance, it is a point of possibilities. The Lenormand Mountain represents challenges and obstacles. It might be tempting to wish for a life with no metaphorical mountains to climb, but after experiencing a run of monotonous days with nothing new or different, we might regret that wish. The Fool reminds us that challenges provide us with experiences that can aid our self-confidence and add to our knowledge as well as make a few allies. And that feeling of making it to the top...

No Deal

From the Rosetta Tarot, the Four of Disks; from the Day of the Dead Lenormand, Ring:

You're either growing or dying. Stagnation does not exist in the universe.

―Steve Siebold

The Four of Disks represents earthly power: material success, comfort and security. But with it comes paranoia, which puts so much emphasis on preservation and protection that it becomes stifling. Surely there is a middle way between the extremes of excess and deprivation. The Ring symbolizes commitment and partnership. This literally means a person we are closely involved with who shares in our endeavors. To be locked down, to refuse the give and take of sharing, is to end any hope of a partnership, be it one of business or affection.

A Little Literal

From the Rosetta Tarot, the Eight of Wands; from the Day of the Dead Lenormand, Book:

Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.

—Sam Levenson.

Meleen describes this card as a visual representation of the electrical stimulation of the brain. Fire enters the realm of intellect and knowledge, requiring swift decisions and creative solutions. The Book indicates knowledge and education. Sometimes the cards I pull are so literal, they make me laugh. Many years ago, when my daughter was young, I created a memorial to honor our ancestors for the fall equinox. The pictures were accompanied by trinkets and miniatures that described their lives. For instance, my great-grandmother had a tiny trunk because she spent months traveling overseas with her sisters (leaving behind husbands and children). I'm lucky in that my mother put together five booklets about the ancestors on her side (the family album for the Book!). I've decided to do this again, so I've been busy reading them and making notes, but I also need to do some research on my biological father. I never included him before, but as one teacher reminded me, my life wouldn't exist without him, and that's something. He was a medic helicopter pilot in Korea and Vietnam, so I'll find a little helicopter for him. I've got until September 22 to be ready!