Gasp...Need Air!

From the Da Vinci Enigma Tarot, the Ten of Air (Swords):

What do you have to relinquish?

Because I've been waiting to hear from someone, I half expected to see the Hanged Man show up today. But due to the obsessive thoughts that are causing my misery, I got the Ten of Air instead. Have you ever done something impulsive in an effort to be kind? I secretly dropped off a set of mala beads I'd made yesterday to a woman who is going for a biopsy today. She's in a book club I'm a part of, though I would say we were more acquaintances than friends. It wasn't too long ago that I went through something similar, and I just wanted her to know someone was thinking of her. I haven't heard from her (I put a note with them), so immediately I began assuming: a) she thinks I'm weird or b) she thinks the mala beads are inappropriate. Drawing this particular card has helped me reframe the situation: a) this is about her, not about me and b) the intention behind the action was an empathetic one, so I need not worry.

From the Insectorum Divinorum comes the "Vivarium:"

A vivarium (Latin, meaning "place of life") is generally an enclosed ecosystem used for observing and studying plants and animals. Do you remember the Public Service Announcement from years ago about "this is your brain on drugs?" When I look at the vivarium above, I think "this is your brain when you think obsessively." All my thoughts are enclosed, battering themselves against the glass like the bugs. No other ideas or possible solutions can get inside. Time to unscrew that top and let some fresh air flow through.

Developmental Stages

From the Da Vinci Enigma Tarot, the Hermit:

What light shines in the darkness and solitude?

What shadows does it reveal in this matter?

This sketch is a self-portrait believed to be done a few years before Da Vinci retired. He wrote, "The painter should be solitary and consider what he sees..." My spiritual path requires that I often take an inventory, consider what my assets and liabilities are, and make plans for progress. Being alone when I do this task keeps me from being distracted and reminds me where my focus needs to be. For me, this is the shining light that can bring about change and help me get back on course.

From the Insectorum Divinorum comes the "Brood:"

In the insect world, a brood includes the three developmental stages before emerging as adults: egg, larva, and pupa. There are times in my life where I feel stuck spiritually, and times when I feel like I've taken more steps backward than forward. But perhaps these are just the places and stages I need to experience to motivate me to transform into a spiritually mature adult.

Relax, Smile, Have Some Fun

From the Da Vinci Enigma Tarot, Enigma (High Priestess):

What wisdom do you read in the book of your soul?

How must you apply it in this matter?

The above sketch was an early study of the Mona Lisa. You can see where Da Vinci toyed with adding a palm frond in her arms. I had no clue how to answer the questions for this card, until I read in the companion book that this work of art  is also known as La Gioconda, the "the Playful One." My life lately has been filled with situations that needed handling, problems that needed solutions and quite a lengthy "to do" list. What has been missing is pure, joyful play. Setting aside the serious adult and allowing myself to connect with that fun-loving childlike part of myself isn't easy. Heaven forbid that someone might think I'm immature or a slacker. Yet that merry gleam in her eyes reminds me of the need for balance in my life - no matter what else may be going on.

From the Insectorum Divinorum comes the card "Diversity:"

Beetles make up 40% of all described insects, and there are approximately 174,250 lepidopteran species (butterflies, moths, and skippers). Having attempted to identify many insects in both categories, I can easily see why Esmeralda chose "diversity" as a keyword for this card. In her booklet, she prompts me to remember the numerous ways there are to solve a problem or deal with a situation. Adding this information to the High Priestess above makes me think of a quote by actor John Cleese: “If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play.” Play is like meditation; it can relax the rigid barriers in my mind so that other information and ideas can flow through. 

Lots of Bees Make Up a Hive

This week I'll be using the Da Vinci Enigma deck and book set, created by Caitlin Matthews and published by St. Martin's Press. Today's draw is the Ten of Earth:

What have you inherited? How are you enriched?

This sketch is of a basilica's ground plan and elevation. Da Vinci writes, "For stability, the depths of the foundations in... temples and other public buildings should be in proportion to the weight that will rest upon them." My body was created by two people, carried for nine months by one, and nurtured until adulthood by many. The ingredients for the chicken and rice soup I had last night was provided by farmers, created through a recipe by a chef and canned by a company to sell. Literally everything I am and have has been developed with the help of others. I live a simple life, but it is one made full, rich and stable because of the shoulders I've leaned upon.

The mini oracle deck I'll be using this week is the Insectorum Divinorum, created and self-published by Esmeralda Rupp-Spangle. This morning's card is the "Hive:"

Without the cooperation between the queen bee, her drones and her workers, the hive would fail to thrive. There is a general sense of working for the greater good, of pulling together to make a sturdy foundation that all can enjoy. I experienced this last night at the meditation group. We had two people who caused quite a disturbance right before we got started; though they left, the group could have easily dissolved into a gossip fest. Instead, everyone remembered why we were there and encouraged me to get things started. We ended up having a great session, and afterward several people told me how much meditation has been helping them on a daily basis. I've only got two more classes left to do, but I think the foundation has been laid, and with this group's dedication, it should continue to thrive.

Try a Little Tenderness

From the Granny Jones Australian Tarot, the Tower:

The expression "a house of cards" originated from the hobby of building structures from playing cards. I've never been able to build one myself, but my ego is quite the architect when it comes to building internal ones. It has told me in the past that I'll be protected by my education, my religion, my savings, my work ethic, my healthy habits, my talents or my friends and family. Such expectations literally are a house of cards; they eventually collapse, because life doesn't build protective boundaries around anyone. Now this fact doesn't mean I need to hang my head and use "woe is me" as a mantra. It just means I'm no more or no less special than anyone else if I happen to get hit with a curve ball. As the Buddha said, "Cease expecting and you have all things."

From the Button Oracle comes the "Fawn:"

gentleness, tenderness, kindness

Gentleness can only be expected from the strong. ~ Leo Buscaglia

So what do you do when the unexpected happens, when the tower of cards you've been patiently building comes crashing down? I hate to admit it, but I get angry. Now I don't mean a little miffed, but the "I shall rain fire and brimstones down upon your head!" kind of anger. I want someone or something to blame (not myself of course). I am trying to learn to push the pause button before I do, and take Otis's advice to try a little tenderness instead. I've found compassion makes the recovery process much easier.

You Can't "Unsee" It

From the Granny Jones Australian Tarot, the Page of Swords:

I am very familiar with this particular Page because it represented my daughter well when she was young. The Page of Swords learns by being a keen observer and listener and by asking (thousands) of questions. Those brain synapses fire faster than you can blink, making connections and shaping ideas. Raising such a child, I was constantly kept on my toes by what came out of her mouth. Tact takes a while to develop, and she had a habit of delivering "truths" with lots of people around. Now her pronouncements were generally fact, but most people don't want to see or acknowledge the pink elephant in the room even when someone points it out. This Page refuses to let me bury my head in the sand.

From the Button Oracle comes the "Skull:"

change, endings/beginnings

Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely. ~ Karen Kaiser Clark

Besides birth, I suppose death is one of the greatest transitions we experience. Even being an observer of a person's passing can shake a person, perhaps waking them up. The Page above laid out the truth, now the Skull demands I accept and act on it. There will be no more pretending. Last night, on the eve of Beltane/May Day, I did a meditation with the Sacred Wheel I created. Every position and item on it is directly connected to where I live. It presents a mirror I often don't want to glance in, but once I see it, I can't wipe it from my brain. Now I am responsible for what I do with it.

Coping with Confusion

From the Granny Jones Australian Tarot, the Moon:

Obviously this is not Edward Lear's version of the "Owl and the Pussycat." I remember reading my daughter Jan Brett's book, but it never hinted at the dark side of these animals like Granny does. I had a restless night due to a storm system moving through our area; it was like trying to sleep in a 100 lane bowling alley with disco lights flashing. My brain feels like it is filled with cobwebs, and I know myself well enough to know that being tired and moody does not translate well to making good judgments or decisions. Like the owl above, I may get worried or paranoid about something that is not even real. Did you know that Lear started (but never got to finish) a poem about the children of the owl and cat?

Our mother was the Pussy-cat, our father was the Owl,

And so we're partly little beasts and partly little fowl,

The brothers of our family have feathers and they hoot,

While all the sisters dress in fur and have long tails to boot.

    We all believe that little mice,

    For food are singularly nice.

Things really did work out for this odd couple, and not in some Stephen Kingish way either. Today is a day for me to avoid any major choices if possible, until I can clear some of those cobwebs.

From the Button Oracle comes the "Sea Star:"

regeneration, renewal, restoration

It is always quietly thrilling to find yourself looking at a world you know well but have never seen from such an angle before.  ~ Bill Bryson

Sea stars (or starfish) often get snared by fishermen hunting for clams and other mollusks, since these are a part of their diet. The men would often think they killed the sea star by chopping it in two, but if some of the central disk was intact with an arm, it could regenerate. So instead of ridding themselves of the starfish, they only increased their number. The button and Moon card remind me that sometimes I don't have all the information I need to take action, but if I give it some time, I may find I see things in a whole new light.