Alert for Red Flags

From the Tarot of the Absurd, the Queen of Cups; from the Post-psychedelic Cyberpunk Deck, the Mirror:

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant.

—Albert Einstein

The wavy, wild locks of the Queen of Cups indicate she leads with her heart, not her head. She can easily sense the emotions of others and can help them navigate their feelings with compassion. But because she is so responsive to others, she must take care not to be subsumed by their drama or chaos. Her intuition is helpful in this regard. In milliseconds, her brain compares the current situation to stored memories, checks for similar patterns, then sends an embodied message of "safe" or "danger." Yet even the most intuitive of us may easily discount any red flags when it comes to those we deeply care about; we want to protect the relationship, avoid pain and maintain the peace. However, the Mirror reminds us it's wiser to acknowledge reality rather than convince ourselves that what we wish for is real. As Carl Sagan wrote, “For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.”

Zoned Out

This week I'll be using the Tarot Lukumi, a deck created by Caelum Rainieri, Ivory Andersen and Raphael Montoliu. It is published by Dal Negro, and the artwork was done by Luigi Scapini. The oracle deck I'll be using this week is the Diloggun Cards, a digital set created through the use of art by Mase Lobe. Each card is associated with an Ifa ethic as well as a proverb, with information from a book by Ifa Karade called The Handbook of Yoruba Religious Concepts. Today's draws are the Queen of Cups (Yemaya) and Six Mouths (Obara):

Transcendence is a false detour - a dead end in the sky. Transformation is what is needed now. 

—Clark Strand

The Queen of Cups is illustrated with Yemaya, orisha of all the oceans and bodies of water and Mother of All. Having a powerful influence over the tides and the movements of the sea, she encourages us to surrender to the natural flow of life and find the strength to transform ourselves during after difficult periods. When we meet head-on with hardships, our first response is often to find some way - pills, booze, sleep, or some other pleasure - to help us ignore it. Yet the proverb associated with Obara (six mouths) tells us just the opposite: "Do not let what you cannot do tear from your hands what you can." Choosing to be present rather than zoned out can give us the clarity to respond in ways that might be beneficial to us and possibly the situation too.

 

The Kindness of Connection

From the Fey Tarot, the Queen of Chalices; from the I Misteri Della Sibilla, the Five of Clubs:

Compassion manifests in us as the offering of kindness rather than withdrawal.
—Sharon Salzberg

The drops emerging upward from the Queen's cup are her version of texts, calls, and letters to see how people are doing. She is a listener, one who can empathize with kindness without self-identifying and drowning in the feelings of others. Compassion isn't trying to fix someone - which is often just a reaction to our being uncomfortable. While we may offer advice if asked for, it's more about bearing witness to someone's pain so they don't feel alone and disconnected. The Five of Clubs suggests good fortune that is created by our own actions. As St. Basil said, "They who sow courtesy reap friendship, and they who plant kindness gather love."

Mini Vacation

 From the Swietlistej Drogi, the Queen of Cups; from the Mirrors of the Heart, Strength:

Laughter is an instant vacation. 

—Milton Berle

Often the Queen of Cups is put in the role of a therapist, someone who lets you talk through your feelings. But if you're lucky, she's also a friend that baptizes you in joy and fun, then lifts your spirits high with laughter. In these uncertain and disturbing times, we need a mini vacation from the darkness. Time spent with those who gladden our hearts and boost our morale also give us an infusion of Strength. This is not the kind of power that pushes forcefully back at the opposition, but the kind that offers gentle resilience. It gives us the courage to keep our hearts open in a world that tells us to keep them closed. 

Attention and Responsibility

This week I'll be using the Tarot of Mystical Moments, created by Catrin Welz-Stein and published by U.S. Games. Paired with it will be the Inner Eye Oracle, created by Steven Bright and published by Red Feather. Today's draws are the Queen of Cups and the Authority Figure:

You cannot listen to what you hear if you resist it. To listen there must be attention, and where there is resistance there is no attention.

—Krishnamurti

The calm flow of the ocean's seabed reflects this Queen's emotional stability. She listens intently to the seahorse she holds, undistracted by the other fish swimming by. Buddhist teacher Haemin Sunim said: "If you think you already know everything there is to know about that person, what do you do? We tend to make a judgment about that person. We stop being curious. Rather than try to understand, we think we already know. So, we don't give them time and space for them to talk. Instead, we already assume that we already know. That's not love." Yet the Authority Figure tells us we need to do more than deeply listen. Even though we might offer feedback or suggestions, it must be clear that we cannot make decisions for them. We each are responsible for the choices we make, including the outcomes of those judgments. 

Compassionate Offering

From the Druidcraft Tarot, the Queen of Cups; from the Druid Animal Oracle, the Air Dragon:

Only in the presence of compassion will people allow themselves to see the truth.

―Gabor Maté

The Queen of Cups has expertise in the field of nurturing and healing others emotionally. She is intuitive and empathetic, watching body language as closely as she listens to their words. But perhaps her greatest asset is in realizing that many problems are learned rather than being a moral issue. Education is a much better strategy than shame. But the Air Dragon, a symbol of insights, reminds us that understanding does not come without an open mind. Our anchors, what we've believed to be true and acted on for so long, must be raised so that we can view things with an unbiased mind.  

Empathic Distress

From Tarot by Caro, the Queen of Cups; from the Holitzka I Ching, Hexagram 37:

Technology amplifies empathic distress. We’re exposed daily to the world’s grief in real time. Every tragedy can feel personal, every injustice, a summons to act.

―Shermin Kruse 

Though this Queen is quite comfortable with the world of emotions, she protects her cup as a giant wave threatens to sweep it away. Seneca reminds us, “Reason wishes to give calm to our emotions, not to root them out.” Rather than indifference or drowning, logic and critical thinking can guide our actions. Shermin Kruse offers three ways to practice:

• Pause Before You Fix - expand the space between stimulus and response.
• Redraw the Circle of Concern - distinguish what can be controlled from what cannot.
• Practice Connection with Boundaries - witness and assist, without allowing empathy to become ego (their emotion is theirs).

Hexagram 37 refers to family or kinship; it is a safe place where there is a mutual sharing of support. This group is what helps us have the confidence and strength to meet the suffering in the world with compassion that has cognitive boundaries.

Learning to be Receptive

From the Albano-Waite Tarot, the Queen of Cups; from the American Pen Oracle, Jeffery Deaver:

Accepting reality doesn't mean being complacent about it; acceptance can be the foundation of seeing clearly... —Kazu Haga

The Queen of Cups is, elementally speaking, water of water. Her cup is covered, not to repress her own emotions, but because she is consciously aware of what feelings are going on within without having to act on them. This queen makes a good therapist - she can hang out with someone for a few minutes and pick up on whatever emotional station someone is broadcasting from. While she is kind, warmhearted, and a good listener, she does her best not to add her emotions to someone else's lest they both become submerged. Her job is to help people become receptive to reality in order to learn to respond appropriately to it. As Jeffery Deaver wrote: "Yield and you need not break. Bent, you can straighten. Emptied, you can hold. Torn, you can mend."

Roles We Play

From the Forest of Enchantment Tarot, the Weaver of Visions (Queen of Cups); from the Mushroom Spirit Oracle, Verdigris Agaric:

If there aren't roles you want to play, then you've kind of got to create them.

—Margot Robbie 

This Weaver/Queen is a shapeshifter who reminds us of the many roles we play throughout life. Some of our roles arrive by choice: careers, spouse or hobbies. Others we are given without much say it the matter: caregiver for elderly parents, cancer survivor, or widower. We may swap some around, for instance by adding new hobbies or changing jobs, but time has a way of changing them for us. This woman would remind us to be kind to ourselves through all of them and would encourage us to add a few that bring us joy. Verdigris Agaric is a lovely blueish-green color that can't help but impress those who stumble across it. We meet many people while wearing our different hats, but the ones we make the most lasting and positive impressions on are the ones in which are actions are shaped by kindness and humility. As Maya Angelou said, "people will never forget how you made them feel."

Stagnant Disposition

From the Tarot de St. Croix, the Queen of Cups; from the Archetype Cards, the King:

It's a desperately vexatious thing, that after all one's reflections and quiet determinations, we should be ruled by moods that one can't calculate on beforehand.

― George Eliot

This lovely Queen of Cups does not try to dam the flow of water; she does the same with her emotions. She knows that when we listen to how our emotions speak through the body instead of winding them up with our thoughts, they will pass. But if the mind is permitted to create stories around our feelings, it turns them into moods, which can stick around a while. The King archetype suggests a leadership that is benevolent. Yet our mind can sit on either throne - that of a kindhearted king or a raving tyrant. Awareness is the key that can open another door - and turn our thoughts - so that we are not at the mercy of a stagnant disposition.

Two Faced?

This week I'll be using the Buckland Romani Tarot, created by Lissanne Lake and Raymond Buckland; this book and deck set was published by Galde Press. Along with it, I'll be using the Lakota Sweat Lodge Cards, created by Archie Fire and Chief Lame Deer; this deck and book set was published by Inner Traditions. Today's draws are the Queen of Koros (Cups) and Anogete (Woman with Two Faces):

You can’t pick out the pieces and leave the rest. Being part of the whole thing, that’s the blessing.

―Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting

This Romani woman is listening to someone very intently. She knows that such attentiveness is important to make a connection, as well as to hear clearly all the information the speaker says. It will do no good to give advice if she doesn't have all the pieces of this conversation. Anogete is a reminder that everyone and everything has a light and dark nature, that there is nothing that 100% good and perfect. As Stephen Covey said, "We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior." This Queen might tell her companion to consider this wisdom before labeling and judging another for one mistake.

Don't Add Fuel

From the PetraK Tarot, the Queen of Cups; from the Astrodice, South Node/Virgo/3rd House:

Real equanimity isn’t indifference. It’s the capacity to be present with your whole being and not add fuel to the fire. —Jack Kornfield

People love to be around this attentive queen because her calm demeanor has a way of rubbing off on whomever she's around. It's not that she doesn't get angry, sad or worried - she does, but she doesn't identify her life as an emotion. She would tell us uncomfortable feelings are simply energetic messengers that show up because we are in opposition to the way things are. South Node suggests that we have emotional habits that make us feel secure. Yet by using Virgo's focus, we can resist letting our emotions override reality when we relate to others (3rd House).

Washing Through

From the World Spirit Tarot, the Sibyl (Queen) of Cups; from the Mystic Glyphs, Spider:

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.

—Chinese Proverb

This Queen would advise us to relax and let the energy of whatever emotion we're feeling wash through us. But she'd also tell us not to feed it any narratives about what happened or what might happen. Stay in the body by connecting to the senses. When the emotion dissipates, we can look at the situation from a calmer, compassionate perspective. Spider cautions us to weave our own web and stay out of the webs of others. Getting entangled in people's dramas is not our business and doesn't do anything other than create more stress. We don't have to do something about everything.

Valid and Valuable

From the Shadowscapes Tarot, the Queen of Cups; from the Cedar Runes, Jera:

We don't have to force a smile or pretend we're OK and write that we're #blessed when we feel we're not. It's OK to believe life sucks sometimes - because it absolutely does. It can also be beautiful. It's not either/or, it's both. —Lori Deschene

This Queen's grace and fluidity is guided by her heart and intuition. She is unafraid of her emotions and doesn't believe one is better than another; in her world, they are all valid and beneficial. If we are curious and acknowledge our feelings, we can glean information from them. But if we try to ignore them or become intoxicated by them, they are like a great stone that pulls us under the waves. Jera is a rune that is related to cycles of time and relates to the harvest in particular. While a harvest is associated with a profit or benefit, it also requires a struggle and hard work to obtain the yield. Likewise, learning  from and managing our emotions will bear beneficial fruits, but it requires a persistent effort.

It's Just Energy

From the Legacy of the Divine Tarot, the Queen of Cups; from the Tea Leaf Reading Cards, Handcuffs:

I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions...

—Oscar Wilde

This Queen is at ease with her own and other's emotions, flowing comfortably among them as her koi do in their watery environment. She knows that emotional energy operates as a messenger or signal, alerting us when we need to be aware, helping us build relationships, and allowing us to process our experiences. But even she knows that when we self-identify with an emotion (as if the feeling is us), we can easily drown in despair and fear or become intoxicated with anger. But our emotions are simply like a phone call - they are an exchange of information that is not always accurate and will end when we quit talking (ruminating) about their source. Handcuffs suggest being restrained, and imply that we may attempt to ignore or suppress our feelings. But then we become like an insect trapped in amber, cutting ourselves off from the good in our world and from our wholeness as a human. In the words of Henry Shukman: "We all know both rapture and despair: the first may drop us into a vast love, while the second asks us to face our own deep wounds. It is useless to ignore either. The whole soul must know both light and dark, suffering and awakening."

ABCs for Empathy

 From the Albano-Waite Tarot, the Queen of Cups; from the Rumi Cards, Breeze at Dawn:

Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in yourself.

—Moshsin Hamid

Empathy and kindness define the Queen of Cups, yet here she has a cover over her chalice. She's aware of how easy it is to become submerged in another's suffering when trying to be of help. Breeze at Dawn suggests mentally stepping out of the situation for a moment and seeing with new eyes to refresh our own spirit. Ramos Tsosie*, a 25-year veteran firefighter-paramedic, suggests some ABCs to help:

A)  Recognize the activating event - anything that happens that grabs your attention in a negative way.

B)  Identify your beliefs about the event and challenge those that are not factual or do not align with your short- and long-term interests. These beliefs influence how we respond.  

C)  Consider the consequences, or how you respond in feelings and actions. The consequences are functions of our beliefs. Blame and judgment lead to frustration, cynicism, and anger - and ultimately burnout. We can reduce our own stress and when we respond from compassion (including for ourselves) without holding on to any expectations.

*Taken from an article in Tricycle magazine (April 2022)

With One's Own Hand

This week I'll be using the Neuzeit Tarot created by Walter Wegmuller and published by AG Muller. The 'oracle' I'll be using is a combination of two sets of Rory's Story Cubes - the original and Voyages set. These dice were created by Rory O'Connor and produced by Gamewright. Today's card and die are the Queen of Cups and Turtle:

I think instead [of happiness] we should be working for contentment... an inner sense of fulfillment that's relatively independent of external circumstances.

― Andrew Weil

The Queen of Cups fills her own cup with her own hand; she doesn't demand that people, jobs or events entertain and emotionally fulfill her. She would agree with James Oppenheim: "The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." She understands that this kind of growing requires effort and a watchful eye on the direction of her thoughts. Happiness comes and goes, but contentment can be found if the heart is not focused on one thing or person but opens to the expanse of life. Turtle is a reminder to slow down and enjoy the waters one is swimming in - they will change soon enough. 

Being Heard

From the Idiosyncradeck, the Queen of Cups; from the Mixed Emotions deck, Resistant:

Distractions are plentiful. And time is short.

~Adam Hochschild

The Queen of Cup has prepared for a visitor's arrival by creating an inviting space that is calm and encourages communication. Humans have a need for being fully engaged with another person - being not only seen, but heard. It is a validating experience to have someone's undivided attention, and it signals that we matter to them. Yet how often do we let the ping of a text message or some other distraction keep us from doing this? Resistant suggests we practice restraint when our mind wants to wander. Instead, we can make eye contact and listen without expectations or feeling the need to advise or fix. We can ask appropriate questions to clarify what was said that we didn't quite understand. We eliminate as many distractions as possible. As David Augsburger wrote, "Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable."

Unedited Version

This week I'll be using the Delta Enduring Tarot, created and self-published by Bridgette Egan. Along with it, I'll be drawing from the Southernisms Oracle (a deck I created based on sayings I grew up with). Today's draws are the Seer of Oysters (Queen of Cups) and 'Playing Possum:'

We think we know our own life, but what we know is only an edited version, colored by our emotions and narrow vision. How close can we come to the original draft?

—Gregg Krech

The Seer of Oysters (Queen of Cups) allows herself to be emotionally open so that others will trust her compassion and insight. Showing us her pearl, she explains that even the things in life that are hard or irritating can be used to make something beautiful and valuable. We don't need to self-identify with the emotions we are experiencing or imagine they will never change. Playing Possum - an involuntary stress reaction that makes opossums appear dead - cautions us not to try to ignore our feelings but to acknowledge them with kindness rather than self-pity. Instead of trying to change our feelings, we can change our perspective, realizing that clinging to any 'shoulds' or 'shouldn'ts' only prolongs our suffering. 

From Foggy to Clear

From the Tarot of the Absurd, the Queen of Cups; from the Post Psychedelic Cyberpunk deck, the Fog:

When I have been listened to and when I have been heard, I am able to re-perceive my world in a new way and to go on. It is astonishing how elements that seem insoluble become soluble when someone listens, how confusions that seem irremediable turn into relatively clear flowing streams when one is heard. ―Carl R. Rogers

This Queen's body posture and gaze lets us know she is a good listener. She gives whatever you say her complete attention without multitasking. She listens without judgment and without trying to fill any pauses with words. She's the personification of patience and compassion. When you are finished, she might ask questions to clarify what was said or probe deeper. As Rogers describes, simply by being given a safe space to tell your story can allow clarity and understanding to arise. The Fog lifts. Such a friend is a treasure; just don't forget to listen to her too.