Being Heard

From the Idiosyncradeck, the Queen of Cups; from the Mixed Emotions deck, Resistant:

Distractions are plentiful. And time is short.

~Adam Hochschild

The Queen of Cup has prepared for a visitor's arrival by creating an inviting space that is calm and encourages communication. Humans have a need for being fully engaged with another person - being not only seen, but heard. It is a validating experience to have someone's undivided attention, and it signals that we matter to them. Yet how often do we let the ping of a text message or some other distraction keep us from doing this? Resistant suggests we practice restraint when our mind wants to wander. Instead, we can make eye contact and listen without expectations or feeling the need to advise or fix. We can ask appropriate questions to clarify what was said that we didn't quite understand. We eliminate as many distractions as possible. As David Augsburger wrote, "Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable."

Explorer at Heart

From the Idiosyncradeck, the Queen of Arrows (Wands); from the Mixed Emotions deck, Curious:

Curiosity about life in all of its aspects, I think, is still the secret of great creative people. 

―Leo Burnett

The Queen of Wands (Arrows) is a fan of swagger and flair - check out her brightly colored scepter with ribbons and flowers. It's not that she tries to be the center of attention; her passion simply shows itself in everything she does and says. But best of all, she'll encourage others to follow whatever fascinates and interests them. How does she sustain such a creative and appealing personality? Curiosity. Her curious nature is open-ended without an agenda. She is an explorer of life in all its aspects, and her life is shaped by it.

Forget the Desperate Measures

This week I'll be using the Idiosyncradeck Tarot, created and self-published by Jessica Bott. Along with it, I'll be drawing from the Mixed Emotions Cards, created by Petra Martin with Kris Wiltse (Illustrator) and published by Heron Lake Press. Today's draws are the Star and Desperate:

This is one more piece of advice I have for you: don't get impatient. Even if things are so tangled up you can't do anything, don't get desperate or blow a fuse and start yanking on one particular thread before it's ready to come undone. You have to realize it's going to be a long process and that you'll work on things slowly, one at a time. ―Haruki Murakami

When life flattens us, we instinctively look for hope and a way out of our predicament. Yet Desperation, that frantic fear of impending doom, can throw our guidance system off kilter. Suddenly we see 'signs' where there are none, look to 'gurus' who are simply con men in robes, and spend money on any scam that promises a quick fix. We'd do better to take a few calm breaths until the logical part of our brain comes back online. It's likely that we didn't get here overnight, and it's probable that it will take some time to get back on our feet. 

Aspiration, not Fixation

From the Tarot of the Crone, the Beast (Page) of Wands; from the Transforming Dragons deck, Caleus:

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.

―Josh Billings

The Beast of Wands taps into the untamed, primal expression of his element. His passion pushes him to explore, create and experience his world fully. He is much like a well-fed domesticated cat - he still will chase and hunt as that is his nature. Caleus represents envy, a deep craving to have something he sees in the possession of another. Social media has stirred this hunger: we see what looks to be beautiful, delightful and fun and think we are missing out. But like the quote from Billings, we don't see the whole picture - the effort, the hardships, the frustrations and the exhaustion - often tied to what we think we need. If we keep our senses and mind open, we will see there is plenty for us to explore, create and experience within our reach.

Fixation is the way to death, fluidity is the way to life. This is something that should be well understood. ―Miyamoto Musashi, 

Two Kinds of Doubt

 From the Tarot of the Crone, the Fool; from the Transforming Dragons deck, Kustic:

The actual teachings on emptiness imply an infinitely open space that allows for anything to appear, change, disappear, and reappear. ~Tsoknyi Rinpoche

The little star in the void is the Fool, only it isn't an expanse of nothingness. Like the night sky, it is so open and spacious it just appears that way. There are no concepts, categories and opinions here, only a moment to moment experience. No wonder the Fool is so carefree and curious without all that baggage weighing him down! Then there is Kustic, the dragon who believes that failure and collapse are always imminent, so any effort is wasted. Yet he might see reality a little more clearly if he realized there are two forms of doubt: cynical and inquiring. Cynical doubt is full of suspicious and negative assumptions; it is a dogma of belief that leads to confusion and stagnation. Inquiring doubt uses mindfulness and curiosity for investigation; it is beneficial because it leads to understanding and growth.

Keep Looking

From the Tarot of the Crone, the Witch of Cups (Knight); from the Transforming Dragons deck, Lorkoc:

If you don’t think it’s nearly impossible to change someone who is not willing to change, just think how hard it is to change yourself, and you are willing.

― Charles F. Glassman

The Witch court cards show a more focused use of power concerned with self-expression and self-fulfillment. Lorenzi-Prince refers to the Witch of Cups as a siren, one who lures others through their desire for love, beauty and kindness. She wants a companion in this dance, one who will relate to life as she does with warmth, gentleness and grace. Lorkoc - a symbol of defiance - shows just what a tall order this can be. His enjoyment involves provoking and insulting others; he will disagree just for the fun of it. Those who thought they might smooth his rough edges quickly realized that he doesn't change for anyone. Keep looking Witch, and don't even pause for this one a second glance.

Not Wasted

From the Tarot of the Crone, the Ten of Cups; from the Transforming Dragons deck, Fliquito:

 Joy isn’t something we have to find. Joy is who we are if we’re not preoccupied with something else. 

—Charlotte Joko Beck

The expansiveness of the human heart is limitless if we understand that its ability does not rest in outer things. When we come to this realization, we see that love and kindness are not finite resources that must be reserved for special people or situations. Not only can our cup stay full, but we will have plenty to share. Yet we can easily waste it all through self-reference and other habitual patterns. Fliquito represents falsehoods - in this case, those we tell ourselves. He tells us that what we offer others should be returned or else it is wasted. Yet as Aesop reminds us, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” Even if the other rejects our gift, if we hold no expectations, we can still be blessed by what we offered. In fact, such a response can help our compassion grow if we understand the pain at the root of their reaction.