True Power

From the Tarot of Durer, the Ten of Cups; from the Philosopher's Stone Deck, Power:

Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.

―Lao Tzu

Whether a family or another group, finding contentment and joy with others requires that we use our will carefully. We all know the following kinds of people, and at times we have been them:

• Those who constantly share their unasked-for opinions about everything, which has the effect of breaking down rather than healing or cultivating relationships.
• Those who are experts on everything, and therefore never listen or need to apologize for anything they do.
• Those who constantly give 'advice,' which is actually only words that are critical or belittling.

The psychologist Albert Ellis wrote, "People have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware." If we want happy, healthy relationships, we need to look at what is hidden within ourselves.

Swinging in the Breeze

From the Tarot of Durer, the Hanged Man; from the Philosopher's Stone, Distance:

Sometimes the simplest and best use of our will is to drop it all and just walk out from under everything that is covering us, even if only for an hour or so—just walk out from under the webs we’ve spun, the tasks we’ve assumed, the problems we have to solve. They’ll be there when we get back, and maybe some of them will fall apart without our worry to hold them up.

—Mark Nepo

The Latin phrase assigned to the Hanged Man can be translated "There are many snares for the good." So many of us have good intentions as we try to help people in a bad spot or attempt to make a serious situation better. Though there is so much we can't control or even influence, our emotions prod us forward anyway. Then we find ourselves trussed up, frustrated because we are unable to make a difference. Distance suggests detachment, but not in an "I could care less" manner. Rather, we pull back enough to get some perspective (wake up to reality), recognizing there are some things that are not in our power to change. We keep our hearts connected, but our hands off.

Not Splinter

From the Tarot of Durer, the Five of Cups; from the Philosopher's Stone, Existence:

Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

―M. Scott Peck

To exist in physical form is to have periods of psychological pain, including regret, grief and despair. Such suffering can shrink our world until the only part we see is what hurts. We often add additional pain by thinking this shouldn't have happened to us, that we don't have the resources to deal with this, that we just don't know what to do now; our pain becomes doubled. What is required at this point is for us to widen our perspective beyond our hurt. As Mark Nepo explained, "When feeling a splinter, we must, while trying to remove it, remember there is a body that is not splinter, and a spirit that is not splinter, and a world that is not splinter."

The Welfare of All

From the Tarot of Durer, the Lovers; from the Philosopher's Stone, Insight:

We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. 

–Carlos Castenada

The Lovers motto can be translated "Nothing is difficult for the one who loves." Watch couples who lose a child or those who are aged and dealing with health struggles, and it is easy to see where love makes strong or blame and complaint make miserable. If I break a finger on my left hand, my right hand will not wag a finger or make obscene gestures; it will do all it can to help find relief for its partner. That is the loving connection of true partnership. Insight suggests that we not only acknowledge our relationship with those we love but recognize our interconnection with all beings. As Helen Keller reminds us, "The welfare of each is bound up in the welfare of all." 

Zoom at Your Own Risk

From the Tarot of Durer, the Knight of Pentacles; from the Philosopher's Stone Deck, Trial/Assessment:

Total certainty can mean there's no assessment of things. 

—Chris Ofili

The detail-oriented Knight of Pentacles pairs well with the Stone card symbolizing trial/assessment. He doesn't mind pausing in the middle of his work because it gives him a chance to assess what's been done so far. He's concerned with the two Es: efficacy (are his actions are producing the desired effect) and efficiency (is he is accomplishing this with a wise rather than wasteful use of resources). Because of three floods, our yard has picked up a lot of weeds. In an effort to keep them from spreading without resorting to chemicals, I mow with a bag attachment to collect the seed heads. I confess I have been in a hurry at times and zoomed up, down and around in order to finish quickly. Unfortunately, I forgot to attach the bag catcher, so I had to mow everything again. Slowing down and pausing to check on things is a must for efficiency and efficacy. 

Don't Just See, Watch

From the Tarot of Durer, the Queen of Batons; from the Philosopher's Stone, Skill:

We live our lives supposing things are as they appear to be when that is almost never the case.

― Richelle E. Goodrich

Don't judge a woman by her coverings. This Queen is nearly unrecognizable, but her cheekiness in showing a bare leg is a big hint, as is the crown on her baton and lion at her feet. We are geared to make assumptions about appearances, but we are wiser when we do not. The Stone card shows off its skill in levitating a stone over its head - sort of like us walking while balancing a book on our head. It suggests that we would do well to draw our conclusions from actions rather than how people look or what they say. Our house got hit hard by Hurricane Michael, and the flooding that ensued from it necessitated moving our HVAC unit, pulling all the mucky ductwork from under the house, and putting new ductwork in the attic. These repairs unfortunately left a huge hole where the unit had been with no bricks to fill the wall. After much searching, a friend recommended a fellow who agreed to find some bricks and do the job. This man was in his 80s, had only a few teeth, and couldn't speak well. But today, no one can tell where the old brickwork meets the new. Outer appearances can hide much.

Could Be AstroTurf

This week I'll be using the Tarot of Durer, created by Manfredi Toraldo and Giacinto Gaudenzi and published by Lo Scarabeo. The oracle deck I'll also be using is the Philosopher's Stone, created by De Es and published by AG Muller. Today's draws are the Four of Chalices and Hazard:

"Est modus in rebus" - There is a measure in things.

The booklet for the Durer deck states the Four of Chalices represents stability and reliability. But this little bird has just hatched out of one confining space to find itself surrounded by a circle of cups that are also enclosed with a fence. I know a woman whose husband gave her all the material things she could ever want, but she never had a say in their relationship about anything. History is full of dictators who have promised abundance and prosperity but had a militarized country. In both cases, freedom was sacrificed. Can there be emotional fulfillment where there is such control? The Philosopher's Stone card has the title Hazard, but its subtitle gives more of a clue about its meaning: prevoyance. In other words, we 'hazard' a guess about probability, using foresight to plan and make wise choices. As Karen Salmansohn put it, "The grass is always greener on the other side - until you get there and see it's AstroTurf."