Not Splinter

From the Tarot of Durer, the Five of Cups; from the Philosopher's Stone, Existence:

Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

―M. Scott Peck

To exist in physical form is to have periods of psychological pain, including regret, grief and despair. Such suffering can shrink our world until the only part we see is what hurts. We often add additional pain by thinking this shouldn't have happened to us, that we don't have the resources to deal with this, that we just don't know what to do now; our pain becomes doubled. What is required at this point is for us to widen our perspective beyond our hurt. As Mark Nepo explained, "When feeling a splinter, we must, while trying to remove it, remember there is a body that is not splinter, and a spirit that is not splinter, and a world that is not splinter."

A Severance

From the Waking the Wild Spirit Tarot, the Five of Water (Cups); from the Saltwater Reading Cards, Rock Pool:

As humans, we are strongly motivated to seek out social bonds that are warm, dependable, friendly and supportive. Losing someone close to us terminates that bond and the social and physical protection they provided. —Dr. George Slavich

Grieving a loss is not just an emotional reaction, it puts a significant strain on our bodies too. Tears may serve a biological function by excreting stress-inducing hormones built up by our emotional distress. Rock Pool, a shallow pool of seawater that forms on the rocky intertidal shore, symbolizes a sanctuary we can begin to heal in. While these pools are small, they do hold a variety of marine life. Dealing with loss may be something we prefer to do in private, but this pool encourages us to include a few others who can help us adapt and move through our sorrow.

An Obesity of Grief

From the Hidden Realms Tarot, the Five of Cups; from the Heart of Faerie, the Child:

When grief sits with you, its tropical heat

thickening the air, heavy as water

more fit for gills than lungs;

when grief weights you like your own flesh

only more of it, an obesity of grief,

you think, How can a body withstand this?

―Ellen Bass

Anyone who has ever deeply loved and lost anything or anyone knows the depths of despair. Grief engulfs us, like a huge wave; just when we think we can breathe again, another wave hits us. As poet Edward Hirsch described, grief is the task of Sisyphus. It is only when we stop focusing on the loss and also remember the good that we stop pushing the boulder. The Child comes to help us regain our sense of curiosity and wonder, to experience life without judgment. It is in realizing that this is a season of life, natural not personal, that we begin to heal. With compassion, we realize how many others have had their own boulders to deal with.

Then you hold life like a face

between your palms, a plain face,

no charming smile, no violet eyes,

and you say, yes, I will take you

I will love you, again.

―Ellen Bass

It's Sailed

This week I'll be using the Hezicos Tarot, created and self-published by Mary Griffin. Along with it I'll be using the Way of the Horse, an oracle deck and book set created by Linda Kohanov with Kim McElroy and published by New World Library. The two cards drawn for today are the Five of Cups and Dominance:

It is about being clear about the list of things we really want to pursue in life, and in choosing to reserve our energy for those things that mean the most. ―Andre Begin

This little gnome is so angry, his body is as rigid as board. Connections and relationships have fallen by the wayside, but right now he's too mad to consider whether he had a hand in their departure. If his anger gives way to grief, then perhaps he'll reflect with a clearer eye. Yet if he gets stuck, he's going to lose the two loyal cups still standing behind him. Dominance shows a horse straining so hard, he is covered in sweat with his veins protruding. Trying to control people can make us feel the same way internally. We feel entitled to expect them to behave how we think they should, but of course they never do (and usually react badly when we berate them). The boat on the ocean behind the gnome illustrates the saying, "that ship has sailed." No amount of bargaining, intimidation or manipulation will turn back time. Best to learn from our mistakes and use our energy for more beneficial pursuits.

Release

This week I'll be using the Tarot de St. Croix, created and self-published by Lisa de St. Croix. Along with it, I'll be drawing from the Archetype Cards, created by Caroline Myss and published by Hay House. Today's cards are the Five of Cups and Destroyer:

There is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. 

—Alan Cohen

I am in awe of people who make their living by creating - be it a book, a painting, clothing design, or architecture - and then release it to the world to be judged. It is a sort of relationship they have with the public, albeit a fickle one, sometimes with the result of being adored while other times made an object of ridicule. No matter what sort of relationship we've poured our heart into, it hurts to be mocked or told we are unworthy. This woman has grieved her losses and now heads to the bridge to cross over to the other relationships that await her. The archetype Destroyer is like a volcano, erupting to rid itself of what burns and boils inside. Resentments that are nurtured always hold us back from being truly fulfilled and content until they are released. As Thich Nhat Hanh said, "People suffer because they are caught in their views. As soon as we release those views, we are free, and we don't suffer anymore."

Where Does It End?

From the Sasuraibito Tarot, the Five of Cups; from the Soul Cards, Dust Dervish:

Where does the rainbow end,

in your soul or on the horizon?

― Pablo Neruda

Grief is a natural response when there is loss, setbacks or misfortune. Yet, as Neruda asks, where do we place our hope? Do we place it in wishful hope that might somehow erase the past or bring back what we lost, or in wise hope that understands that even as we process our grief, change is happening? Dust Dervishes are small rotating columns of air that pick up dust, leaves and other light materials from the ground. They remind me of my daughter's delight as a preschooler when she would find one and dance with the spinning leaves. This card suggests we take Mark Nepo's advice and look wider than what hurts. We don't have to push away our pain, just make room for a bit of beauty, wonder, and joy to add to it. 

The Waters of Our Life

From the Wild Unknown Tarot, the Five of Cups; from the Pictish Oracle, the Snake:

Love and sadness are blended together in the waters of our life, and we must drink them together, just as they are. Neither cancels out the other.

— Wayne Muller

The exhausted hang of this horse's head reflects the same physical feeling we have when sorrow and despair show up. Yet if we wait for a bit, those who care about us will tell their own stories of loss - not to invalidate our emotional struggle, but to remind us that it is universal. No one is invulnerable. But those tales will be followed by the story of a new and different road, one that doesn't forget the value of what was lost but allows them to move on. The Snake had a complex meaning in the Celtic world. Its ability to coil and strike caused fear, but its habit of shedding its skin connected it with healing. Loss usually creates anxiety, but given time and acceptance, healing may wedge itself into our heart and overpower it. 

 

Sacrifice and Restoration

From the Tarot of the Sidhe, Dancer Five (Five of Cups); from the Green Man Tree Oracle, Elder (Ruis):

I let my guard down

And then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

―Lewis Capaldi

Watching a cherished relationship slowly fade or suddenly dissolve is to know grief and loss. Blame - whether of ourselves or another - may be used to try to make us feel better. Yet it would be more useful to feel our feelings without judgment or projections and let them dissipate. The Elder's ogham is Ruis, which means 'redness,' like the stems that hold its berries. It indicates intensity and passion, such as seen with anger or embarrassment. The companion book for this oracle offers the wisdom that "from sacrifice comes restoration." When we can grieve without clinging, we sacrifice the ego's desire for things to stay the same. In return, we find contentment and peace. 

Back Into the Flow

From the Animal Totem Tarot, the Five of Cups (Capybara); from the Blum/Gern Rune Cards, Kenaz:

It takes strength to make your way through grief, to grab hold of life and let it pull you forward.

~ Patti Davis

Shakespeare wrote, "Well, every one can master a grief but he that has it." It is an odd thing to notice that the world does not stop turning when a relationship ends. Grief can be immense and powerful; it seems that the polite thing for all humanity to do would be to stop and acknowledge our loss. But people have figured out that while grief may stop us in our tracks for a time, we must learn to move back into the flow of life, even as we carry it with us. The rune Kenaz means 'torch' and implies a search for understanding and clarity. Kenaz points out that everything in this physical world is constantly changing and impermanent, even relationships. When we lose the smaller things - a favorite mug broken, a flat tire, etc. - they are our teachers for learning to accept the larger losses that come. 

Rupture and Repair

From the Songs for the Journey Home, the Five of Wave Songs (Five of Cups); from the Magic Neko Deck, the Ten of Hearts:

If we fall, we don’t need self-recrimination or blame or anger – we need a reawakening of our intention and a willingness to re-commit, to be whole-hearted once again.

— Sharon Salzberg

The Five Cups are symbolic of broken dreams, self-recrimination and anguish. While it's good to reflect on and grieve our loss, we need to be careful that our suffering doesn't become a sinkhole that swallows us. The companion book, since this card shows a butler dropping a tray, offers another angle to consider: create a balance between serving others and taking care of oneself. The issue is not to be more devoted to others but to be concerned about our own well-being too. The Ten of Hearts shows a stargazer watching the night sky. She knows that moments of wonder, curiosity and awe help settle the mind and fill the heart. 

The Healing

From the Wayfarer Tarot, the Five of Water (Cups); from the Curious Oracle, Apple Blossom:

The despair and hurt of the Five of Cups/Water paired with the Apple Blossom (Renewal) remind me of the words of Mark Nepo: "when feeling miserable, we must look wider than what hurts." This does not mean we attempt to suppress our feelings with false optimism. Rather we take the advice of Pema Chodron: "The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy."

It's All Valid

This week I'll be using the Granny Jones Australian Tarot, created by Granny Jones (Rebecca Jones) and published by Kangaroo Press. Along with it, I'll be drawing from the Button Oracle, a set I made for myself from a collection of buttons. Today's draws are the Five of Cups and Goldfish:

The pain is valid. The grief is valid. The anger, fear, and emotional exhaustion are all valid. 

~Oren Jay Sofer

It's easy to get lost in our sorrow, to let it wrap around us like a blanket. We may alternate between despair and apathy as we try to find the path to compassion and equanimity. The big question becomes, how do we hold both our grief in our cupped hands without losing our gratitude? The Goldfish button is paired with a quote from the Tao Te Ching: "That which offers no resistance, overcomes the hardest substances. That which offers no resistance can enter where there is no space." We don't need to run from our pain or attempt to smother it with toxic positivity. Instead, we allow it to be felt while also remembering to peek out from behind our blanketed heart to see that there is still beauty, warmth and wonder around us. 

Might Need Some Conflict Resolution Training

From the Tarot Lukumi, the Five of Cups; from the Diloggun Oracle, Okanran (one mouth):

In this depiction, Oggun has been betrayed and poisoned by some seeds. Oggun, god of iron and war, had a dual nature: creative as a metal worker and destructive as a quick-tempered warrior. As the Dhammapada states,  "Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world." And violence only begets more violence, which explains his poisoning. The sayings associated with Okanran emphasize this understanding:

Ifa: One must come to recognize that stubbornness is not beneficial; the truth regarding oneself must be listened to. Do not be overly influenced by your self-defensive ego.

Proverb: Ears that do not listen to advice, accompany the head when it is chopped off.

I don't think it gets more clearer than that!

The Ones That Break

From the Restored Order Tarot, the Five of Cups; from the Oracle of Kabbalah, Kaf:

Kaf painting by Victor Brindatch

In despair, a man focuses on the three spilled cups at his feet, ignoring the two standing behind him. When we're distraught, it seems the only thing we can focus on is what is causing our pain. We're like a leaf caught in the eddy of a stream, stuck and unable to move forward. Part of this is a normal grief response that all humans have. But part of it may be the idea that life is not fair, the part that demands we shouldn't have to deal with such issues (and probably why he doesn't notice the other two cups). Kaf is often associated with the palm or a spoon because it is bent, suggesting the ability to curve or bend in order to accommodate a situation and be useful. Life is hard on everyone in different ways. Folks who can accept its natural vicissitudes and keep flowing down the stream are the ones who learn to be content in any circumstances. But those who are rigid and inflexible are the ones that break.  

Squashed Illusions

This week I'll be using the Rohrig Tarot, created by Carl W. Rohrig and published by Sirio. The other deck I'll be drawing from is called a tarot, but I'll be using it as an oracle: the Master Tarot. It was created by Amerigo Folchi and Mario Montano and published by AG Muller. Today's cards are the Five of Cups and the Housekeeper:

We all have times when we keep up the appearance of being happy and fulfilled, when we pretend all is well. But eventually a big cinder block crushes that illusion (metaphorically speaking), and we are incapable of living the lie any longer. It may be tempting to make ourselves feel better by blaming someone else, but we first might want to consider any unrealistic expectations we used as a foundation for that relationship. The Housekeeper is a 'doer' and gets satisfaction from having a comfortably clean and ordered home. She reminds me of a quote by Louise Erdrich that can be helpful when we feel like we're under that huge cinder block: "When everything big is out of control, you start taking charge of small things." 

Practicing Patience

From the Sheridan Douglas Tarot, the Five of Cups; from the Pages of Shustah cards, Witch Hazel Tree:

This seems like an apt card to draw today. My daughter who works at the library got a call last night that a coworker has Covid, so we're all under quarantine while she waits for a Covid test on the 31st. I'm sad that we're still doing this over and over, but those two cups standing are reminders that we've all been vaccinated and boosted. Plus, our area will be dipping down into the twenties (F) the next couple of nights (temperatures for which folks here don't have the right clothes for), so staying in would be the sane thing to do anyway. The Witch Hazel Tree represents healing and pending improvements. I look forward to the day when this virus is treated like the flu with a yearly vaccination rather than viewed as such a deadly one that fills up our hospitals.

To lose patience is to lose the battle. — Mahatma Gandhi  

Alone and Separated

From the Wayfarer Tarot, the Five of Cups; from the Curious Oracle, Twilight:

To borrow a metaphor from Kathy Mattea, this woman seems to be dying of thirst while afloat in water. I get it, though; loss and the grief that comes with it can drastically skew our perception, making us feel alone and separated from the rest of the world. But the two cups in her boat suggest that there are still a couple of folks she could rely on and honestly ask, "Can you just sit with me as I go through this without offering any platitudes or advice?" The Celts spoke of 'thin places' and 'thin moments,' such as where the sky, land and sea met or times at dusk or dawn. The Twilight card suggests these thin places and times can be helpful because the voice of the ego has been temporarily shut down by incredible beauty or immense suffering. If we open to this mysterious connection and are receptive, it can pull us out of self-absorption into a grounded awareness, widening our perspective and giving us hope. 

Turning the Attention

From the Tarot of the Abyss, the Five of Cups; from the Lantern Oracle, Radical Self-Love:

Yep, this is me checking the new cases of viruses - 41 new cases yesterday (a lot in our small rural-metro area). Already the hospital is worried about the overflow, especially since we were a hot spot when Covid started. Yet the two full cups remind me that not all is lost. We have vaccines, and though they're not perfect, they are keeping people from an extended stay in the ICU. And while our governor isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, at least we don't have Florida's fellow (where the cases are sky-high). He is a Trump-wannabe who just signed an executive order keeping any city or county from passing a mask mandate. Pure insanity. The Radical Self-Love card is not meant to encourage self-pity or self-indulgence, but kindness and compassion towards oneself. I would not want to live on a diet of junk food, so why should I feed my mind an unending diet of how awful the world is? It has it's problems, but there is still beauty, joy, and love to be found if I turn my attention in the right direction.

Appreciative Joy

From the Da Vinci Enigma Tarot, the Five of Water (Cups); from the Insectorum Divinorum, Lantern-fly:

Dimmi: Does the pain of regret or loss prevent appreciative joy?*

          When I searched online for this image, I discovered the companion book had misidentified it. Leonardo's mechanism is the first idea for a CVT (continuously variable transmission), which allows an engine's speed to remain steady as it continuously and seamlessly alters its gearing. Do we keep running smoothly when life suddenly causes us to take a sharp, unexpected turn? Or do we feel that we have it worse than most people, who seem to glide along? Appreciative joy is not just about a gladness of heart for the happiness we see around us, it also recognizes the skillful behavior and attitude that cultivates that happiness. This practice takes practice to cultivate. The Lantern-fly, a type of planthopper with a strangely shaped snout, was mistakenly thought to emit light by early experts. Such a misunderstanding is also behind the Five of Cups. Unvoiced expectations, misinterpreted intentions, wishful thinking, and the failure to acknowledge the natural course of things may all need to be examined carefully. 

*My own dimmi, not the book's.

A Gentler Approach

From the Dark Goddess Tarot, the Five of Water (Cups); from the Tattwa Cards, Earth > Seed of Earth:

After years of being taught that the way to deal with painful emotions is to get rid of them, it can take a lot of reschooling to learn to sit with them instead, finding out from those who feel them what they have learned by sleeping in the wilderness. 

~Barbara Brown Taylor

          La Llorona was a beautiful woman who married a rich conquistador and bore him several children. Her husband cheated on her, and in her rage and grief, she drowned their children. Consumed by guilt for what she had done, the woman then killed herself. Afterward, she was condemned to walk the earth looking for her children. This Five of Cups asks us to look at how we avoid dealing with our pain, and the long and short term results of such behavior. The keyword 'foundation' is assigned to Earth: Seed of Earth. It encourages us to look at the beliefs of how we should deal with our emotions: suppress them, distract ourselves with busyness or lash out. Few of us were schooled in emotion well-being and maturity. Women are too often held to an idealized archetype - expected to selflessly care for others no matter the cost to themselves. It would be much more beneficial if we could support each other and take Darlene Cohen's advice: "We must treat our pain gently, respectfully, not resisting it but living with it."

To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves - there lies the great, singular power of self-respect. ~Joan Didion