An Honest Inventory

From the Tarot de St. Croix, the Hermit; from the Archetype Cards, "Angel:"

          Alone in a windswept canyon, a woman emerges from a cave with an aspen staff in her hands. The quaking aspen is known for its fluttering leaves, resembling hundreds of waving hands, as if trying to get someone's attention. This is the reason the woman is alone - to intentionally contemplate her life and see what wisdom reveals itself. When my life feels like it is sagging or falling apart, the Hermit calls out to me. Instead of pointing the finger of blame at others, she encourages me to look at my own choices, motives and assumptions. The goal is to do this with gentle honesty and attention; derogatory condemnations won't be beneficial in making lasting changes.
          The Angel archetype can show immediately whether the Hermit's self-inventory has been sincere or not. My attempt to feel better about myself by "helping" others is simply a distraction of busyness - a way to cover up the emotional mess I am on the inside. My efforts at performing a kindness then becomes self-centered instead of other-centered; I use them to feel better about me. The "giver's glow" that the researchers talk about will remain elusive. My brain can't be fooled and won't send out dopamine and oxytocin if my intentions aren't altruistic. If I want that kind of peace and joy, I better go back to the Hermit's cave and try again.