From the
Badgers Forest, the Fool; from the Gemstone Oracle, Tiger Eye:
This little squirrel is so intent on reaching those acorns, he is unaware that the branch is about to bend with his weight and send him downward. It's a good thing squirrels generally land on their feet and can survive many falls. The downside of being so fully trusting and eager for any new experience (without worry or preparation) is that the Fool often learns his lessons of living the hard way. It can be painful to watch these folks jump in the fire with both feet, knowing (from our own experience) what is likely to happen. Which leads into the quote for Tiger Eye by Lama Surya Das:
Taking the decision-making process away from people disempowers them. It also
makes them much less likely to buy into the decision, however right it may be.
Even if I lead in with, "I had a similar experience that didn't end well, " most people will think they will be the exception to the rule. Hopefully they will survive and not get on the insane 'rinse and repeat' cycle expecting the next time to be different. We all learn, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Yet generally it is only our own experience we trust.
We can always try to give advice but in the meantime we need to be ready with bandages and painkillers just in case :)
ReplyDeleteYes! Saying "I told you so" or withdrawing kindness doesn't help. I'm sure as a mom you've experience this too. (I think kids are naturally incapable of listening to the advice of parents.:D)
Deleteknowing I'm not alone in whatever poor pitiful pearl binge I'm on often gives me comfort. I can poor pity them for awhile.
ReplyDeleteKnowing that I have made mistakes in the past and will continue to do so in the present makes it easier to give others a pass when they stumble.
DeleteKnowing that you most likely will end up on your feet, allows you to make those foolish choices.
ReplyDeleteThough I'm sure I didn't think they were foolish when I made them... ;)
DeleteAs a parent, it's hard to try to help your kids have experiences that will let them learn the hard way, without it being too dangerous/painful. A scratch or graze is one thing, a broken bone another. Just spent the week with family, and saw far more anxious parents than myself. I worry sometimes that I'm too laissez-faire. We all find our own way in the end...
ReplyDeleteIn the case of little ones who don't understand what's dangerous and what's not, I don't think the above applies! And each child is so different - some are more careful and prudent by nature, and some will always run with scissors!
DeleteThe quote is a very good one. I do think people have great ownership /commitment if they make their own decisions. In coaching practice we encourage this by asking open questions - what would you lie to achieve, what would be the outcome, what other options have you considered etc, etc,.
ReplyDeleteI do like the squirrel fool.
Now that you said that about open questions, I bet one reason people want to tell others what to do is because they don't want to take the time for dialogue. They often have a 'fix it and get on with it' attitude.
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