Monday, July 24, 2017
Hitch Up the Wagon
From the Prairie Tarot, the Eight of Cups; from the Medicine Cards, the Hawk:
I appreciate Ator's inclusion of the covered wagon in her illustration of the Eight of Cups. This leaving didn't occur because someone got their nose out of joint and stomped off into the night. There was time to think things through, because all of this person's belongings had to be packed and the horses harnessed. It is interesting that the cups line up as if the relationship had been balanced, but that may be because of common interests - hobbies, politics, culture, religion, etc. On the outside it may have seemed like a stable and equal partnership, but emotionally something was off-kilter. Hawk's keyword is message; the companion book states to "observe the obvious." Rarely does a day go by that I don't see or hear a hawk on my walks. I found a primary feather of a red-shouldered hawk last week (This is a large feather responsible for thrust, direction and lift in flight.) These feathers are shed in pairs, one from each wing, which keeps the bird balanced. Both these cards suggest that in relationships of any kind, it isn't healthy to have one giver and one taker, one who fills the other's cup while their own remains empty. Yet until we clearly see and understand the part we played, our wagon will likely take us to another relationship that looks much the same.
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I have two relationships like this where I am mainly the giver. I think it is okay as long I find other sources to refill my cups.
ReplyDeleteI think in some cases it is justified as with a young child, someone disabled (physically or mentally), an elderly person, etc. For those, we go into the relationship knowing it will be one-sided. But there are friendships and partnerships that are the same way and shouldn't be!
DeleteI like the wagon as well. Sometimes it is just time to move on. I love watching hawks. Not lucky enough to find a feather though.
ReplyDeleteEmail me your address. I've got a smaller one that should fit in an envelope (had it in the freezer to kill mites, etc.). :)
DeleteHmm, must be something on my mind as this post also reminds me of Emily Carding's Justice card. It's fine if a relationship takes small adjustments, swings this way and the other. One conversation that is mainly a monologue, one outing that pleases one more than the other. So long as, when you take a more objective view, things even out in the end...
ReplyDeleteAnd as you say, sometimes we walk into a one-sided relationship, or it becomes one-sided for one of those reasons. You can still choose to get out of it, but you can also choose to find your balance elsewhere. In both cases, that oversight and clarity is the vital element :)
Choice based on clarity is a key. Many folks could not understand why we eventually put my mother-in-law (who had advanced dementia) in a nursing home. But after a broken pelvis and later a broken hip - even with 24 hour care - we felt like she would be safer there and have constant medical care. Those kind of choices aren't easy, and others often question them.
DeleteEveryone has to make their own choices, based on the information they have available. And that includes so many aspects - physical, emotional, social. It can be really hard to hold to that when people question your choices, but most people do the best they can in any situation.
DeleteI've had people question the way I care for my disabled son. Everything from 'He should be wearing a jumper' (though he gets painful spasms if he gets too hot, but they don't know that), to 'Why don't you wipe his nose?' (I did, 20 seconds ago, but he is snotty ALL the time - was even operated to reduce it, and takes steroids daily). I know they mean well, but no one else knows all the factors in your choices, so they should just butt out! Hard to say, though, to people you also realise are fundamentally well-meaning...
Amen sister. I dream of a day when people will quit giving 'suggestions' and simply say, "How can I help?"
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