Deep or Shallow?

This week I'll be using the Norse Tarot deck and book set, created by Clive Barrett and published by Aquarian Press. I'll also be using the Wolf Pack, created and self-published by Robert Petro. Today's draws are the Ace of Cups and 'Control:'

 Loving oneself is the foundation for loving another person.

― Thich Nhat Hanh

          The Ace of Cups represents the joy and love we find through our connection with others. This beautifully designed chalice has a wide, hefty base to support the cup and its contents. Does its base imply we need to be able to love ourselves before we can love another? Clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer questions this logic, suggesting it affects not if we can love but how: "To deepen your love and acceptance of another, first develop love and acceptance for yourself." In other words, when we accept rather than hide our quirks and faults, we keep our heart fully open and thus deepen the intimacy of the relationship. The Control card brings to mind the 'near enemy' (a trait that looks like a virtue but is destructive) of loving-kindness - attachment. Attachment in this sense is possessive and based on fear and clinging. The 'loved' person is seen as something needed, and manipulation is almost always in play to control the relationship. An examination of our attachment will show a love that is constricted and conditional. Rather than a deep cup, it's as shallow as a saucer.

Controlling Burn-out

From the Ellis Deck, the Four of Cups; from the Brownies Oracle, Control:

Applied Psychologist Paula D. Laack defines burn-out as: "the chronic state of being out of sync with one or more aspects of your life," with the result being "a loss of energy, enthusiasm, and confidence." Researchers have found six common elements:

1. Lack of control (due to a chaotic environment or having no input in decision-making)
2. Values conflict (between your core values vs. what is expected of you)
3. Insufficient reward (feeling taking for granted or under-compensated)
4. Work overload (too much, too complex, or too urgent)
5. Unfairness (favoritism and discussions that keep others out of the loop)
6. Breakdown of community (patronizing colleagues, no mechanism for conflict resolution, and non-existent feedback)

The Brownies bring up number one on the list: control. I've actually seen someone ride an ostrich, but he more or less hung on rather than directed it. My go-to for clarity in these circumstances is the Serenity Prayer:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Weapons of Manipulation

  From the Norse Tarot, the World:

Barrett uses the image of Balder, the Norse god of light, joy, purity, beauty, innocence, and reconciliation, for this card.  Balder was well loved by humans and gods alike, but was killed by Loki's (the Norse trickster) wily ways.  Here Balder has been reborn, and this time he appears without weapons - his spear, sword, and dagger are gone.  The appearance of Balder in this form reminds me that when I walk in balance and wholeness, I won't need to have a sharp tongue, strategies of revenge, or manipulation in my arsenal.  I'll understand that there is a better way to handle things...

     From the Wolf Pack, "Control:"

One wolf asserts its power over another, who assumes a submissive posture.  Petro's interpretation of this card is to be wary of those who try to control you.  I have no problem with aggressive, "in-your-face" people who try to bend me to their will.  They instantly raise my hackles, and my instincts are to do the opposite of what they demand.  My dilemma comes with folks who are manipulative, who use my love and care of them to shame or guilt me into doing something I would ordinarily refuse to do.  Yet it is ultimately my choice - submit or stand up for myself; I can't blame them for any promises I willingly make. 

Face to Face Contact

The card drawn from the Picture Postcard Tarot this morning is the Eight of Wands:

In many RWS versions of this card, there are eight staffs flying through the air, implying quick movement or something moving to a conclusion.  There is also a third interpretation, shown by this particular card: a message.  I am reminded of all the ways we can connect with each other, not just by phone, but by letter, email or social media (twitter, facebook).  And while I enjoy hearing from another person or contacting someone, the best kind of connection to me will always be the face-to-face kind.  There's a story about a little boy who wakes in the middle of the night because of an intense thunderstorm.  He runs to his mom, and she tries to console him by telling him not to be afraid because God is always with him.  The child tells her he understands but replies, "sometimes I need someone with skin!"  I heartily agree.

     The card pulled from the Steps to Serenity oracle today is "Control:"

"Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show and is forever trying to arrange the lights, the scenery, and the rest of the players in his own way."
~ AA Big Book

When I try to control or manipulate another person's behavior, I am under the illusion that I can extract happiness and satisfaction if I can manage people well.  In reality, I have no power over another human being.  Everyone has the right and the obligation to make their own choices.  I will be meeting with someone today who has almost the exact opposite opinion I do on just about every topic I can think of to talk about.  It will do no good to try and make her see things my way (just as it will do no good for her to change my ideas).  Yet I can accept her as she is without having to agree with her philosophy.