Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Don't Run, Don't Hide
From the Tarot of the Radiant Path, the Tower; from the Mirrors of the Heart, "Uniqueness:"
Unlike most Tower cards, the fellow in the Radiant Path is trying to run from the disaster. What he thought was going to protect him turned out to be a handicap. Yesterday I was introduced to a new phrase during an online retreat - "spiritual bypassing." First coined by psychologist John Welwood in 1984, it is the use of spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid dealing with painful feelings, unresolved wounds, and developmental needs. Robert Masters writes: "The trappings of spiritual bypassing can look good, particularly when they seem to promise freedom from life's fuss and fury, but this supposed serenity and detachment is often little more than metaphysical valium, especially for those who have made too much of a virtue out of being and looking positive." We think we are walking an authentic spiritual path, while really it is a way to run from our pain and suffering. But spirituality is about connection not disconnection. Which transitions to the Mirrors of the Heart card and makes me think of the NA expression "terminally unique." Yes, we all look different on the outside and have distinct talents and knowledge. But what happens when I compare my insides to your outsides? I feel unique - and not in a good way. What we all have in common is what goes on inside: the joy of accomplishment, the shame of failure, the grief of loved ones lost, the desire to be loved and belong, the wish for good health and happiness. If we are running from our experiences, we have nothing to share with another other than platitudes. Instead I can accept and surrender, taking Welwood's advice: "track the process of present experiencing, following it closely and seeing where it leads. ...unpack the beliefs, identities, and feelings that are subconscious or implicit in what you’re experiencing. When we bring awareness to our experience in this way, it’s like unraveling a tangled ball of yarn: different knots are gradually revealed and untangled one by one."
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Great post Bev! I can understand how tempting spiritual bypassing can be: using positive affirmations while your heart is crying for genuine caring. I like the metaphor of the untangling of a ball of yarn. Acceptance and surrender to what is, is often the first step to healing as you told me a few days ago. :)
ReplyDeletePs I've never heard of online retreats before.
That phrase shook me, because that is how I often "use" spirituality - to escape. Quite a wake-up call for me. Tricycle magazine has online retreats from a variety of teachers available to those who have a subscription to the magazine. They film 45 minute sessions with a teacher on a certain topic, and usually have 4 weeks of sessions (one each week). It's been wonderful for me, as I can learn from people from all over without having to travel or pay huge fees. :D
DeleteA very resonating post Bev.
ReplyDeleteIt's easy to get into that spiritual comfort zone of "spiritual bypassing." I think this is way people go back to whatever dysfunction they struggle with. It makes me think of this. There is a difference between sobriety and contented sobriety. My own health is a process of truly striving to live one day at a time and I'll never finally 'arrive' in a perfect spiritual state of perfection in this life, and I guess for me it's coming to accept my imperfections, but continuing to work at changing what I can.
I think sometimes our spirituality can be a way to cope with problems, but not in a good way if we just use it to "whitewash" what is there. As you said, we need to continue to work at changing ourselves, often digging deep even when it is painful.
DeleteYes Bev I agree. Avoiding those painful bits, spent a life time running and avoiding those. It's why I drank and used. But now I see the pain is all part of growing up and personal growth.
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