At least part of the pleasure of saying yes is knowing that someone wants you - wants to be with you, wants you to do something that you do well, wants to do it with you. — Barbara B. Taylor
As Taylor points out, so much of our self-worth is tied to what we do. It can almost be a rush when we're asked if we'll be responsible for something, but it's rush that can be addictive. This young juggler has one ring in the air without a pentacle in it, and it made me think of free time in a busy schedule. I was reading through Wayne Mueller's book Sabbath last night, and he suggested a Sabbath day could be a marker when we felt lost and overwhelmed; it could be a path back to our center. He explains that it "dissolves the artificial urgency of our days, because it liberates us from the need to be finished." When we don't create space to rest our bodies and minds, we can end up like the lady on the card Pity Party:
A personal belief of this kind -“ I am a victim”- is like a dark closet. If we want to sit in this closet with the door shut tightly, nothing can get in. Unfortunately, so long as we insist upon sitting in this closet (and we all do, sometimes), we find that no one really wants to come in and sit with us. Frankly, nobody is particularly interested in someone else’s drama. What we’re interested in is our own. I may want to shut myself in my own closet, but I’m certainly not going to sit in yours. — Charlotte Joko Beck
When I start thinking of myself as a martyr who is being sacrificed for someone else's needs, I need to dig down and take a closer look at the root of my suffering. What I'm likely to find is a seed that I've planted myself; I can choose to continue nourishing it or neglect it.
"a seed that I've planted myself" it all comes down to taking responsibility for our part in the stories we tell ourselves over and over again
ReplyDeleteI like the notion of a sabbath day. For me it is Sunday afternoon after having visited my husband. Just reading, relaxing and taking time for myself.
You are wiser than most! People generally over-indulge instead of relax or play during down time. I think you would like Mueller's book if you could find it - it is more spiritual than religious.
DeleteI'll put it on my to read list!
DeleteI absolutely detest having those 'poor me' days.
ReplyDeleteI do too, especially when I'm on the other side of them; I think "ick, how could I roll around in that muck?!"
DeleteHe has dropped a ring or hasn't picked it up yet...so how can he know how much he can do and how many is too much? Pity Party Queen :)
ReplyDeleteHe should listen to his body instead of his head more often; the body tells us the truth more often. :)
DeleteYou, my dear, are the antithesis of a pity party queen!
Lol to: "I may want to shut myself in my own closet, but I’m certainly not going to sit in yours."
ReplyDeleteAnd I love how you saw that empty pentacle as downtime. You can't balance the other two Pentacles without it :)
I hooted when I read that quote - it's so true! I'm having a lovely, unplanned day off today. It's raining cats and dogs, so everything I had intended to do got put on the back burner. :)
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