Big Smiles, Big Burdens

From the Mystical Moments Tarot, the Ten of Wands; from the Inner Eye Oracle, Decision:

No matter how bad you have it, someone will always trade places with you.

—Vince Flynn

I've been a part of the Armchair Theologians book club for well over a decade now; we are a close group and have developed a great respect and fondness for each other. Yesterday I was leading the discussion ("The Cosmic Web"), and we ended a little early. I took advantage of the extra time and asked each person how they were (really) doing. It is always a shock to find out the people who seem to live such charmed lives are often carrying the heaviest of burdens. Decision asks if we would trade lives with another, especially if we are well acquainted with their actual rather than imagined life. We might reconsider the weight of our own loads, seeing them a little lighter than was first thought. People need us to ask about them, especially now, to let them know someone cares how they're doing. As Oliver Stark said, "Often the people with the biggest smiles can be struggling the most."

Accepting the Thorns

From the Mystical Moments Tarot, the Nine of Wands; from the Inner Eye Oracle, the Leader:

If you enjoy the fragrance of a rose, you must accept the thorns which it bears. 

–Isaac Hayes

We often choose a role in life because it sounds exciting - teacher, soldier, activist, nurse, foster parent - only to discover that commitment involves a lot of thorny challenges. Those in it for the glory instead of strongly held values usually don't last long. I suppose it's a way of weeding the most devoted and faithful from those who live in a fantasy world. The Leader card reminds me of a story about the Hindu gods Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva; they were fighting a battle against demons who wanted to upset the cosmic balance. Losing horribly, the three decided to ask the goddess Durga for help. She responded and defeated the demons soundly. What's the lesson in these two cards? Sometimes those who are the most dedicated, skilled and mighty don't look like the faces we're used to seeing - and that's a good thing to acknowledge.

A Big Difference

From the Mystical Moments Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Inner Eye Oracle, News:

The brain does not treat traumatic memories as regular memories, or perhaps even as memories at all. —Dr. Daniela Schiller

The King of Cups urges us not to let churning emotions sink our ship of insight and judgment. But paired with the News card, it brings up recent research that explains why this is particularly hard for those who've experienced trauma. The study found the memories of “sad” and “calm” events triggered the brain’s hippocampus, which is known to play a role in long-term memory. However, researchers found that when recalling traumatic events, multiple disruptions were triggered in the brain, including hyperactivity within both the amygdala (that processes emotions) and posterior cingulate cortex (internally directed cognition). Instead of recalling an experience, they relived it. Drama queens and trauma survivors have clear neurological differences; as such, their therapy should not be assumed to be look the same.

With a Little Help

From the Mystical Moments Tarot, the Ace of Wands; from the Inner Eye Oracle, Support:

If you are working on something exciting that you really care about, you don't have to be pushed. The vision pulls you. —Steve Jobs

Reading a gardening book, this young woman is so excited that she can actually envision the flowers she wants to plant and grow. As Jobs said, when we are truly inspired about creating something, we will be eager to get our hands dirty. Yet Support pops up to remind us that it is okay to ask those who have more experience than us for help. Such assistance does not take away from our accomplishments; instead, it might be the ingredient that helps us successfully produce our vision. In the words of Kendra Scott, "We want to show everyone that we can do it all, that we have it under control. But the reality is that asking for help is not a sign of weakness - it is the greatest sign of strength."

Attention and Responsibility

This week I'll be using the Tarot of Mystical Moments, created by Catrin Welz-Stein and published by U.S. Games. Paired with it will be the Inner Eye Oracle, created by Steven Bright and published by Red Feather. Today's draws are the Queen of Cups and the Authority Figure:

You cannot listen to what you hear if you resist it. To listen there must be attention, and where there is resistance there is no attention.

—Krishnamurti

The calm flow of the ocean's seabed reflects this Queen's emotional stability. She listens intently to the seahorse she holds, undistracted by the other fish swimming by. Buddhist teacher Haemin Sunim said: "If you think you already know everything there is to know about that person, what do you do? We tend to make a judgment about that person. We stop being curious. Rather than try to understand, we think we already know. So, we don't give them time and space for them to talk. Instead, we already assume that we already know. That's not love." Yet the Authority Figure tells us we need to do more than deeply listen. Even though we might offer feedback or suggestions, it must be clear that we cannot make decisions for them. We each are responsible for the choices we make, including the outcomes of those judgments. 

Impulse Control

From the Prisma Visions Tarot, the King of Chalices; from then Secret Language of Color Cards, Auburn:

Our emotional mind will harness the rational mind to its purposes...

—Daniel Goleman

When we wake up with a crick in our neck, we don't generally run to the emergency room. We use the information to correct our sleeping position, take a pain reliever or get a better pillow. Yet strong emotions often override our intellect, causing hasty and irrational reactions that don't solve a thing. The King of Chalices invites us to harness our emotions, using their alerts to inform without dominating us. As Goleman wrote, "There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse." Auburn encourages us to ground ourselves - focusing our attention on one of the five senses rather than our thoughts - when emotions untether us. Doing so can give the emotional energy time to dissipate, allowing us to see with clarity and choose a response with discernment.

Little Steps Forward

From the Prisma Visions Tarot, Death; from the Secret Language of Color Cards, Burgandy:

Impermanence means that the appearance of stability we take for granted in everyday life, for practical purposes, is ultimately an illusion, the construction of a mind infused with desire and fear.

—C. W. Huntington

The beautiful blooms of the camellias are on display now; each flower generally lasts about a week before it falls to the ground. On a regular basis, we are asked to let go of something we feel is integral to our life. Acceptance can take a while, and that's okay. We just need to be careful not to make any irrational or impulsive decisions during this period. The deep red of Burgandy asks us to find our passion. This may seem impossible if grief (or anger) has us in its grip. Yet we don't have to go back to what did before - we can take tiny steps toward other joys. How? We can commit to self-discovery (journaling or a therapist); we can express ourselves through art; we can maintain our connections to others; and we can offer ourselves kindness and compassion.

Slipping from Our Grasp

From the Prisma Visions Tarot, the Five of Chalices; from the Secret Language of Color Cards, Empathy:

It is a natural instinct to grasp what is falling, reach for what is slipping or chase what is running away.  ―Sarah Voldeng

Relationships that we have history with, that we've invested time and love in, are hard to let slip from our grasp. We grieve, yet it is prudent to also care for our own heart with kindness. It may help to remember Voldeng's words: "It is impossible to exercise control where we have no reign." Turquoise blends calming blue with rejuvenating green and relates to empathy. This perspective includes both the affective (feeling what others feel) and cognitive (understanding their thoughts). When we are willing to acknowledge the views and feelings of those who left us, it can help us accept their loss. And in doing so, we might approach our current relationships with more awareness and appreciation. 

Centered Calmness

From the Prisma Visions Tarot, the High Priestess; from the Secret Language of Color Cards, Magenta:

The witness is your awareness of your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Witnessing is like waking up in the morning and then looking in the mirror and noticing yourself — not judging or criticizing, just neutrally observing. —Ram Dass

There are two kinds of awareness that observe our experiences: the ego, that always looks out for number one, and the inner witness that watches without attachment or aversion. Our tainted awareness (the eyes of the ego) can't help but get entangled in longing or intolerance, and as a result, can't see the forest for the trees. Pure awareness simply witnesses each moment as it is without blindspots or sticky traps. Magenta is not in the visible spectrum, but an "afterimage" created when red and blue light stimulate different cone cells in the eye. In the same way, the inner witness requires certain conditions to arise for us to connect with it. We sit in quietness and stillness, allowing thoughts to pass by rather than grasping or pushing them away. Eventually we begin to experience a centered calmness that grants us clarity.

It's Essential

From the Prisma Tarot, the Eight of Chalices; from the Secret Language of Color Cards, Mauve:

An obligation is a debt without choice. It’s a have-to. When we do things for a long time without choice, we feel resentment, which leads to emptiness.

—Roger Daviston

The cosmos calls to a man whose world has become meaningless because he is chained by obligations. Jobs, people and groups often make demands of us, and we unwittingly begin to mold our life to their wishes. Gradually life becomes a trudge that leaves us feeling hollow. Our resentments grow, only making matters worse, but our guilt keeps us stuck. Mauve is a dusty, pinkish-purple color known for its muted, soft quality. It asks us to mute those demands outside of ourselves and listen to our own needs. Self-care isn't selfish, it's essential. As the saying goes, "An empty lantern provides no light."

Clarify before Declaring

From the Prisma Visions Tarot, the Three of Swords; from the Secret Language of Color Cards, Indigo:

If you don't know, it's not always necessary to admit it.

―Malcolm Forbes

There’s no shame in admitting what you don’t know. The only shame is pretending you know all the answers.

―Neil deGrasse Tyson

Knee-jerk assumptions can spread unverified beliefs as facts, prejudicing information that may hurt others. We got a call this weekend that the youngest of our grown sons had been taken to the hospital by ambulance after he collapsed and was unresponsive at his gym. The EMTs used Narcon, which revived him, so they called it in as an overdose. The ER doctors intubated him and put him in the Critical Care Unit. Only after a lot of tests and gathering information from the family over the course of several days did they realize this was not that. He had been taking a low dose opioid for a knee injury, which is why he responded to the Narcon. But he had been found in the gym's sauna and had a tumor on his adrenal gland; the intense heat and out of whack gland were the cause of his collapse. The "overdose" label had been a weighty one for the family to bear. Indigo, a deep purple-violet color, suggests we improve our vision. Before making any declarations, we need to ask clarifying questions and check the factual evidence. Ignore Forbes and listen to Tyson. 

No Bended Knee

This week I'll be using the Prisma Visions Tarot, created and self-published by James R. Eads; the companion booklet was written by Katherine Tombs. The oracle I'll be using alongside it is the Secret Language of Color Cards, created by Inna Segal and published by Beyond Worlds. Today's draws are the Six of Pentacles and Tangerine:

Make your interactions with people transformational, not just transactional.

― Patti Smith

The gentleness of this exchange rather than any pompous display reminded me of a story in Jack Kornfield's book, "All in This Together." A radio host of a blues show got a letter from an incarcerated man who was a fan who asked if the host might play some of the early blues musicians. The DJ followed through but made sure to name the fellow who asked for this lineup, saying that he was obviously an enthusiast and had a fine understanding of the blues. He later received another letter from the man that read, "That was the first time in my life I can remember my name being said with respect." Whatever the resources we share, whether giving or receiving, dignity and respect are important. Tangerine suggests spontaneity, in this case, offers made when a need is noticed. No bended knees are required.

Changing Myself

From the Spacious Tarot, Judgment; from the Phenomena Oracle, Geyser:

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. 

Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

― Rumi

Judgment is a spiritual rebirth; we have been given clarity, realizing our assumptions were false. The world suddenly looks and feels like a different place because our own attitude and beliefs have changed. As Henri Nouwen explained, "Living a spiritual life requires a change of heart, a conversion. Such a conversion may be marked by a sudden inner change, or it can take place through a long, quiet process of transformation. But it always involves an inner experience of oneness." Geyser indicates the sudden understanding that this is a way of life to be lived rather than simply studied. We put away our roles of critic and adversary and become the advocate and the friend.

Open with Fire

From the Spacious Tarot, the Two of Wands: from the Phenomena Oracle, Drought:

When you advertise fire-extinguishers, open with the fire. 

—David Ogilvy

Advertising makes great use of labels. Which pair sounds more exciting: dependable and experienced or contemporary and cutting-edge? But the labels are just stuck on to get our attention; they're not really the thing itself. People are easily swayed by descriptions of the grass being greener on the other side. But before we make a choice based on a few words, we might want to investigate to see just how much lusher that grass actually is. Drought, on the other hand, represents those times when ideas and avenues of action have dried up. At this point, what do we have to lose?

Litmus Test

From the Spacious Tarot, the Two of Cups; from the Phenomena Oracle, Wind:

Our findings show that pain is a particularly powerful ingredient in producing bonding and cooperation.  —Brock Bastian

Two cups sit on the leaf pads of a lotus, a plant that starts life in muck and mud then moves through murky water until it reaches the light. Adversity is a litmus test of relationships, either driving people apart or connecting them more closely together. During vulnerable times, it may encourage mutual cooperation, solidarity and exchange. As Harriet Jacobs wrote, "There are no bonds so strong as those which are formed by suffering together." And when the Winds of change blow, the resilience we've learned will provide a compass to navigate them. 

Clear-Eyed

From the Spacious Tarot, the Ace of Swords; from the Phenomena Oracle, Haboob:

A man with clarity reaches his goal sooner than the man with confidence.

―Amit Kalantri

The white lines around this sword seem to be as precise as the technical drawings of a draftsman. Rather than a jumble of ideas and thoughts, this card represents very clear, logical ones. It symbolizes lucidity -the state of being free from confusion or ambiguity. The companion book also encourages us to "Seek what is true, even when the truth is sharp."  Haboob is an intense dust storm; it fills eyes, ears, noses and mouths of all left unprotected. The grit of daily life, with its dramas and unexpected challenges, can easily obscure our ability to think logically and clearly. Pema Chodron says the key is within us: "We need discernment about ourselves. What triggers or hooks us? How do we reach the point where our discomfort spills out into actions we regret? What calms our agitated mind, instead of pouring kerosene on the fire?"

Little Victories

From the Spacious Tarot, the Four of Wands; from the Phenomena Oracle, Tide:

Victory is not won in miles but in inches.

—Louis L'Amour

These branches resemble sparklers, a reminder that our personal victories don't require fireworks but should be acknowledged. Such mini celebrations reward the efforts we are making, even if our work is inner and not readily noticed on the outside. Tide represents cycles, the withdrawal or expansion we experience. In the case of progress, there's generally always a few steps backwards. We need to remind ourselves that we haven't lost everything, that we have made breakthroughs and had some successes. Our small ceremonies can help us remember those achievements and spur us to dust ourselves off and push onward.

'Fraid of Changin'

From the Spacious Tarot, the Tower; from the Phenomenal Oracle, Landslide:

Well, I've been 'fraid of changin'

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I'm gettin' older, too

—Stevie Nicks

Used to mark a well-worn path, a cairn is blasted apart by lightning. We enjoy life when we know what to expect and can prepare for it. As Stevie sings, we build our lives around people and things that give us a sense of security and stability. Yet impermanence and change can alter our lives in drastic ways, as Landslide indicates. Pema Chodron calls this natural occurrence groundlessness. But instead of scrambling to hang on to the old, she advises we look fear right in the eye, "not as a way to solve problems, but as a complete undoing of old ways of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and thinking." In this way, we might transform a breakdown into a breakthrough.

If you would consider...

Go High and Soften

This week I'll be using the Spacious Tarot, a self-published deck that was a collaboration between Annie Ruygt and Carrie Mallon. I'll also be using the Phenomena Oracle, a deck self-published by Jessica Bott. Today's draws are the Seven of Wands and the Fog:

When they go low, we go high.

—Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama first spoke these words at the Democratic National Convention in response to the hateful rhetoric aimed at her husband and family. It is a call to maintain grace, ethics and a positive approach even as others spew contempt while making false and cruel accusations. Fog softens any landscape, whether rural or urban. It reminds us to keep our hearts soft when we're under verbal attack; when we are at ease, we can respond appropriately rather than get caught up in slinging malice and spite. Then we can act and speak constructively, having a positive impact that stands a much better chance of making a difference.

Which One Guides Us?

From the Tarot of the Masters, the High Priestess; from the Key to the Kingdom, the Eight of Spades:

Every single person contains the seeds of goodness, kindness, and enlightenment.

—Thich Nhat Hanh

What is it that this High Priestess reads on her scroll of inner wisdom? Perhaps it is similar to TNH's words, encouraging us to cultivate what lies within. The ego is a partition from these insights, yet it isn't evil; it develops in relation to our life experiences. Its job is simply to protect us and provide us with a self-identity (I am...). But it also filters our decisions with a vigilance: does it benefit me, will it make me look good, help me be successful, keep me from blame, give me power? The luminous self is a rational observer, our true essence that is not burdened by the superficial. Spacious with possibilities, it offers wisdom and kindness that benefits all. The Eight of Spades is paired with a poem that asks an octopus if he has arms or legs, and ends with the conclusion, "If I were thou, I'd call me Us." This sense of "us" - our interconnection rather than separation - is what our luminous self knows and operates from (which is threatening to the ego). It is helpful to realize which side we're being guided by.  

You cultivate the flower in yourself,

so that I will be beautiful.

I transform the garbage in myself,

so that you will not have to suffer.

—Thich Nhat Hanh

Dangled Bait

From the Tarot of the Masters, the Seven of Wands; from the Key to the Kingdom, the Three of Hearts:

Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world but has not solved one yet.

― Maya Angelou

Hera hated Hercules because he was a reminder of Zeus' infidelity. Using her mojo on him, making him temporarily insane so that he killed his family. Filled with despair, he accepted the 12 impossible tasks to atone, one of which was to kill the Hydra (seen in this card) that Hera had created with the intention of killing him. Rather than resenting Hera after his success, Hercules would go on to have other heroic adventures. The Three of Hearts is paired with a poem that describes a carnival worker encouraging people to throw darts into a target and win a prize, only none of the darts ever stick. Humans are often triggered by pot-stirrers using snippets of information designed to instigate yearning, fear or anger. But as the saying goes, "Beware of the half-truth; you may have gotten hold of the wrong half."  As Hercules learned, we need not be distracted by emotional bait dangled before us.

Uprooting Discontent

From the Tarot of the Masters, the Six of Swords; from the Key to the Kingdom, the King of Clubs:

With these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes

Nothing remains quite the same

—Jimmy Buffett

 An attitude is a relatively enduring evaluation of something or someone. A positive mindset sees the world as it is, yet still full of possibilities. A negative outlook sees most everything as a dumpster fire. It's only when we take an honest look at our views that we see how they - rather than things outside of ourselves - are often the cause of our discontent. Refocusing our lens through practices such as mindfulness, seeking out the good, and stress management can help us be more resilient and find the contentment we crave. The King of Clubs is paired with the children's poem "This is the Key of the Kingdom." It visually moves as if starting from a wide-angle lens to a micro-lens. What is the key? It is our ability to awaken our curiosity, imagination and open-mindedness, all traits that require us to move beyond a self-centered perspective.