Not Always Destiny

From the Nigel Jackson Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Viking Lenormand, the Stars:

I sat with anger long enough until it told me its real name was Grief.

―Unknown

Unlike his wife, the King of Cups prefers ebb tide when he can see what the sea was hiding beneath its waves. He knows that people can cry when they're angry or rage when they are fearful. Outer emotions don't necessarily explain what is hidden beneath them. When intense feelings begin to wane, he can then uncover the ideas, expectations and frustrations that instigated them. The Stars often suggest a person's destiny, a predetermined course of events. But what if that course could be changed by noticing and altering our 'constellations' of behavior and the patterns of thinking that drive them? As James Baldwin reminds us, “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

Come and See

From the Light Seer's Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Tapestry Oracle, Faith:

When awareness is brought to an emotion, power is brought to your life.

— Tara Meyer Robson

In a leadership position, the King of Cups must be a good diplomat, listening to what the other person needs and skillfully communicating how that need might be met without conflict. Diplomacy also requires emotional intelligence: the ability to be aware of and manage his own emotions while understanding how they influence his interactions with others. The King connects with his senses to ground himself when emotions are especially intense - the smell of the ocean air, the feel of the water, and the sound of the waves. He has Faith in his technique to calm himself because he has verified it through use. He invites us to try this direct experience for ourselves. 

Bumpy Roads

From Ferret Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Nature's Wisdom Oracle, Crab:

With equanimity, we learn that traveling the bumpy roads can sometimes offer more to our journey than simply sticking to the smooth highways.

― John Bruna

The King of Cups has a generous heart toward everyone - not just those who are easy to like. He teaches us to create space around those who are difficult, seeing them in a great pool of people that includes many that are kind. It's like putting a spoonful of salt in a glass of water versus the same amount in two liters of water; the first makes us wince at the saltiness, but in the large container we barely notice it. The Crab, however, reminds us that boundaries are still needed - not just stated but enforced. As Brené Brown advises, "When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice."

Daily Practice

From the Prairie Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Medicine Cards, Armadillo:

Developing a resiliency, a grit, a level of poise, a composure, a level of perspective, confidence, courage, compassion. These are all things you can work on daily. 

–Aaron Gordon

When life's sea is tranquil and the people around us calm, it's pretty easy to be composed. But get lost in a big city while on a twelve-lane interstate with bumper-to-bumper traffic and see what happens. The King of Cups would advise us to practice composure daily, especially with small, unexpected things, in order to prepare for the bigger ones. The sea never stays peaceful for long. Armadillo, with its well-armored body, reminds us that we can decide just how much of others' upsets or negativity we allow to invade our mind. Even if we're in close quarters, we can choose not to be infected with another person's agitation or panic (but prepare by practicing).

More Than Manners

From the Vision Quest Tarot, the Father of Water; from the Bird Cards, the Kingfisher:

Saying thank you is more than good manners. It is good spirituality.

- Alfred Painter

This King of Cups (Father of Water) pauses with his catch of the day - I imagine him offering his thanks. As one native man explained, "Each time I kill a fish destined for the table, I say a prayer of thanks, accompanied by an apology for interrupting and ending its current existence." This King/Father reminds us that a happy life has a foundation of gratitude rather than entitlement or ignorance. The Kingfisher, with its oversized head and beak, spends its day perched above calm ponds or rivers watching for a meal. When it sees a fish, it dives into the water after it. This bird encourages us to pause and see the good laid out all around us. Then we can take the plunge and say 'thank you' in acknowledgment. 

Different Feels Weird

From the Out of Hand Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Seashells Playing Cards, Lightning Whelk:

So what happens when your universe begins to get off balance, and you don’t have any experience with bringing it back to center? ―Neal Shusterman

The King of Cups represents a calm, compassionate person who can bear witness to our emotions and help us find our center again without becoming untethered themselves. Learning to be grounded (staying in the present moment) and how to stay centered (having a reference point that brings us back to the big picture) are tools that we often must learn from others. Having them allows us to navigate the ebb and flow of our emotions so that they don't overwhelm us. The Lightning Whelk has a sinistral (left-handed) opening in its shell with lightning-like stripes that radiate along its sides. The vast majority of gastropod shells are dextral (right-handed), making this shell an anomaly. Living in emotional chaos and drama can begin to feel normal while practices that help ground and center us feel unnatural. Such change is not a goal to reach but a process of growth, which will feel more normal over time.

Recognize the Script

From the Morgan Greer Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Celtic Book of the Dead, Sea of Glass:

Without emotional awareness, we live according to a script that we’ve never taken time to better recognize and understand. ―Bernard Golden

I bet this King of Cup's chalice has a few dents and scratches; no one develops a deep understanding of emotions by trying to avoid them. He likes to explain that feelings themselves are neither good nor bad, they're just messengers. But it becomes confusing when we don't realize that one emotion can mask another - anger can cover fear or depression can cover anger. And shame can cover a host of feelings that we've been taught we're not supposed to have. The Sea of Glass was so clear, the voyagers could see the bottom of the ocean. It represents seeing through our emotions to find their root rather than impulsively reacting to them. As Mavis Mazhura said, "Emotions can get in the way or get you on the way."

Emotional Maturity

From the Russian Lubok Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Marseille Oracle, Progress:

The Criteria of Emotional Maturity: The ability to deal constructively with reality; The capacity to adapt to change; A relative freedom from symptoms that are produced by tensions and anxieties; The capacity to find more satisfaction in giving than receiving; The capacity to relate to other people in a consistent manner with mutual satisfaction and helpfulness; The capacity to direct one's instinctive hostile energy into creative and constructive outlets; The capacity to love.

―Dr. William C. Menniger

The King of Cups does a lot of listening and guiding; the tools he has cultivated to maintain his equanimity are his secret to staying sane. Beauty, creativity and nature are some of the things that feed his spirit, while self-awareness and personal inventories help him to see reality more clearly. The steam locomotive was first used in the UK in the early 19th century, replacing horse-drawn carts pulled along rails. It represents progress, and in this case, the development of emotional maturity. While few of us would score 100% on Menniger's list, just doing better even in a couple of categories over time counts as an improvement.

Emotional Tethers

From the Shadowscapes Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Cedar Runes, Uruz:

You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.

—Timber Hawkeye

The King of Cups is the calm in the storm, modeling and guiding others with steady patience and composure. I can imagine the male seahorse, with his pouch full of incubating babies, telling the King of his worries for these young ones when they hatch. The King would likely tell the seahorse that risks and challenges are a part of life that help us mature and develop wisdom. But everyone needs an emotional anchor when the waves get rough, and and that tether will be different for all. The rune Uruz is based on a primordial wild ox. It suggest endurance and strength will be needed in our endeavors. In the case of an emotional anchor, it may be best not to tie ourselves to a person, but to our own spiritual practices that provide us with resilience.

Skillful Practice

This week I'll be using the Ship of Fools Tarot created by Brian Williams and published by Llewellyn. Paired with it will be the Wisdom of the Four Winds created by Barry Brailsford, illustrated by Cecilie Okada and published by StonePrint Press. Today's draws are the King of Cups and Albatross:

We need to be aware of what we are practicing in any moment. Because whatever we practice, we get better at, whether it’s the skillful or the unskillful.

―Christina Feldman

This kind and generous King appears to be offering his cup to the fool. What will he do if the fool steals the cup or throws it on the ground? Will he seek to punish him or vow never to be benevolent to commoners again? Humans are easily provoked for a number of reasons, but especially when a kindness is returned with spite or insolence. Yet this King has trained in maintaining his composure and compassion, regardless of the circumstances. He knows rage and bitterness have no beneficial results and will only destroy his equanimity. The Albatross, after spending a year riding the ocean winds, will return to his island to find his mate. In the same way, our aspirations can be our compass, returning us to our center so that we don't allow emotional drama to throw us off course.

Let my heart turn to practice.

Let practice become a path.

Let this path dissolve confusion. Let confusion become wisdom.

~Gampopa

War and Peace

From the RainShadow Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Liminal Spirits Oracle, Environment:

"How come we play war and not peace?"

"Too few role models."

― Bill Watterson

The King of Cups is so at peace with himself and others that even the creatures of the natural world don't fear him. He has learned how to use the tools of gratitude, self-reflection and mindfulness; these practices help him acknowledge, accept and let of his distress in order to respond appropriately to each moment. Modeling empathy and emotional stability, he is like a lighthouse to those who desperately need a role model. Environment asks us to look at the people, places and things around us and ask ourselves if they help or hinder our well-being. Are we thriving or simply surviving? Even if we have a stressful job, have we created a sacred space of our home and a refuge in our mind? 

Healing is Hard

From the Osho Zen Tarot, the King of Water (Cups); from the A'HA Oracle, Omniscience:

Whether we realize it or not, it is our woundedness, or how we cope with it, that dictates much of our behavior, shapes our social habits, and informs our ways of thinking about the world.

―Gabor Maté

Some of us come to realize that the wounds we carry are adversely affecting our relationships and development. Those of us who are lucky find a trustworthy friend or therapist who can help us peel back our layers of defense and begin the process of healing. Often those steps can feel like we are creating more suffering and fear rather than less. The King of Cups/Water models the steadiness we need as he escorts us through those stormy seas. Omniscience (with its seven eyes of clarity) represents having awareness, wide perspective, and understanding. If we are to make progress in our emotional recovery, we must learn to speak of our pain without a concentrated focus on blame or guilt. As Richard Rohr wrote, "To finally surrender ourselves to healing, we have to have three spaces opened up within us - and all at the same time: our opinionated head, our closed-down heart, and our defensive and defended 

body."

Port in a Storm

From the Hoi Polloi Tarot, the King of Cups; from the I Ching Pack, Hexagram 47 (Lake over Chasm):

When the waves and winds are raging, there's nothing like finding a port in the storm. That's what this King represents - a calm and composed demeanor that affects those around him in a beneficial way. I was at the medical center where my personal care physician practices yesterday for my yearly checkup, when the tornado warning sirens went off. Everyone, staff and patients, were ushered into the inner hallways for safety. We finally got the all-clear to go back to our exam rooms only to have another siren go off (for a second tornado). There's nothing like doctors and nurses who have to deal with emergencies on a day-to-day basis to be the grounding center for everyone else's nerves. Hexagram 47 suggests exhaustion, and a caution that even the most unflappable folks need their own port or practices to keep them from burning out.  

An Ocean of Possibilities

From the Gill Tarot, the King of Cups; from The Circle, Choice:

If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.

~Booker T. Washington

The King of Cups tries to bring balance and guidance to those experiencing emotional upheaval. If he can help them regain their composure so that they are no longer spinning, he will point their attention to the wide expanse of the ocean. "This," he will tell them, "represents all the possibilities available in this moment if you can release your assumptions and expectations." Choice suggests that if they can become open-minded, they will see there are several options available rather than just one. Relax, release, and resist nothing - the view is wider and deeper than first thought.

Steeping

From the PetraK Tarot, the Knight (King) of Cups; from the Astrodice, Southern Node/Pisces/9th House:

This Knight/King seems to be steeping in his cup like a tea bag, reminding me of Eleanor Roosevelt's words: "A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong it is until it’s in hot water." So don't let the kind, compassionate gaze of this fellow fool you - he's both capable and composed no matter what hits the fan. He knows how to express and control his own emotions as well as interpret, understand, and respond appropriately to the emotions of others. The South Node represents the natural skills or gifts that we were born with which help with our purpose in life. Pisces tends toward sensitivity, spirituality and the arts. The Ninth House is an exploration into philosophy, psychology and spirituality - what will shape our ideals and ethics. These are the areas that can help ground us, allowing us to 'steep' without losing our head or values. 

Toxin Removal

From the Slavic Legends Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Urban Crow Oracle, Insight:

The first thing I notice about this King is that he is completely surrounded by cattails (Typha). These water-lovers do have their uses, including being a tool for phytoremediation, the use of plants to remove and control environmental pollutants.  Cattails have been useful in absorbing arsenic, pharmaceuticals, and even chemicals from explosives. This card suggests a compassionate, objective listener can be useful in helping us to recognize and remove what harms us. The Insight card - showing a crow raising the water level with stones to get a shrimp -  adds to this information. We must not only grasp the message, we understand the relationship among the parts that make up the whole. We can know that our obsessive thinking is causing us emotional turmoil, but it is making an effort to change those thoughts than can make a difference.

If you want to make your own internal experience more hospitable, only you can do that work. Others can always support and guide you and spark insights, but ultimately you are your own boss and the agent of understanding your mind and opening your heart. —Ethan Nichtern

A Bigger Container

From the Animal Totem Tarot, the Beaver/King of Cups; from the Blum/Gern Rune Cards, Perth:

The Beaver's message is that what we build with our skills can literally change the landscape around us. In the King of Cups' case, his ability to listen with compassion and offer wise counsel without getting emotionally tangled helps those around him live more peaceably. Just as one angry person can incite a mob, so one calm person can promote composure and clarity in others. Yet Perth is a rune that suggests a dice box from which lots were cast. It is a reminder that although wise choice and skills can help create a better future, there are many external causes and conditions over which we have no control. But isn't that where this King's talents really shine, when the unexpected is faced? What we build and sustain through spiritual practice is what can aid us in staying grounded and calm until the storm passes.

As our faith deepens, the 'container' in which fear arises gets bigger. Like a teaspoonful of salt placed in a pond full of fresh water rather than in a narrow glass, if our measure of fear is arising in an open, vast space of heart, we will not shut down around it. We may still recognize it as fear, we may still quake inside, but it will not break our spirit.

—Sharon Salzberg

Getting Unhooked

From the Morgan Greer Tarot, the King of Cups; from the Celtic Book of the Dead deck, the Island of Sorrow:

The calm sea behind the King of Cups is a reflection of his inward self. He doesn't numb or avoid his feelings; he realizes emotions are like energy waves that wash through him and then recede. A few of the Otherworld voyagers, however, got hooked by past memories when some went ashore on the Island of Sorrow. Instead of focusing on the sensations of the emotional waves, they fed the mental stories that created them and ended up becoming mourners who had to be rescued from drowning in their own memories. As Mark Williams and Danny Penman explain:

Pure awareness transcends thinking. It allows you to step outside the chattering negative self-talk and your reactive impulses and emotions. It allows you to look at the world once again with open eyes. And when you do so, a sense of wonder and quiet contentment begin to reappear in your life.

Teaching With Tales

From the Shining Tribe Tarot, the Speaker of Rivers (King of Cups); from the Animal Tiles, Cicada:

Pollack refers to the King of Cups as a storyteller who helps his people navigate the emotional currents of life. Myths and stories can be teaching tales, not necessarily to propagate beliefs, but to help people understand a concept. Stories work for all types of learners: visual (mental pictures of the story), auditory (hearing the speaker's voice), and kinesthetic (emotional connections and feelings from the story). Psychologist Peg Neuhauser found that learning which stems from a well-told story is remembered more accurately, and for far longer, than learning derived from facts and figures. For two to seventeen years, Cicadas go through multiple instar phases underground before emerging above ground to seek a mate. Males sing by flexing their tymbals - drum-like organs found in their abdomens. The sound is intensified by the cicada’s mostly hollow abdomen. The Cicada's long period underground suggests that the King not try to make up some narrative on the fly or to repeat an over-told story, but to draw from his experience to create it. Those tales have the most impact because others recognize their genuine foundation.

Your Own Agent

 From the Tarot of Durer, the King of Chalices; from the Philosopher's Stone, Composure:

This is an interesting King of Cups; he sits in the middle of the ocean, but he doesn't allow his feet or robes to get wet. While he may feel a duty to help with the emotional well-being of those in his kingdom, he knows how easy it is to be sucked into another person's drama and drown in it. Thus he's well-skilled in the art of nonjudgmental detachment - keeping his heart open without taking on the other person's responsibility. Yet the Composure card is what may be needed when a person demands we fix their problems for them, calling us uncaring or worse. The wise King would likely offer them a version of Ethan Nichtern's words: "Nobody can get into the heart of your experience and fix anything for you. If you want to make your own internal experience more hospitable, only you can do that work. Others can always support and guide you and spark insights, but ultimately you are your own boss and the agent of understanding your mind and opening your heart."