Washing Over Me

From the Jolanda Tarot, the Six of Cups; from the Bird Signs deck, "Nutrition:"

I connected with the waterfall in this Six of Cups, because memories do seem to wash over me. Yesterday I was doing an online meditation with John Makransky called the Benefactor Moment, when I suddenly felt submerged. Makransky asked us to recall a connection "when someone was with you in a simple, loving way, taking joy in your being, wishing you well, any little moment of care, of joking together, play, laughter, a moment when someone was deeply listening to you, or you deeply listened to another, or someone was very present to you, as if you mattered a lot in that moment." I instantly thought of my grandmother; I lived with her as a preschool child. Every morning I would peek in her bedroom, crawl into bed with her, and listen to the stories she told me about her life. I have no grandparents, aunts or uncles now, and I miss that extended family connection. It was a bittersweet memory, but it did remind me of how much I felt loved by her.
The Nutrition card explains that birds need a lot of fuel for their bodies, just as we need to constantly keep our body, mind and spirit fueled too. Where do I find that kind of nurturing now? I would have to say my women friends, who will pause their busy days to spend time in deep conversation with me. It may not be the same as my grandmother's cozy bed, but the feelings of camaraderie come close to it.

Fear and Food

One of the decks I'll be using this week is the Jolanda Tarot, published by AG Muller; it was created by Rose Bjorkman (Jolanda) and illustrated by Hans Arnold.  Today's draw is the Devil:

Though the woman serving the goat-man has a smile on her face, and though the chain she wears is made from a flowering vine, she is a slave nonetheless.  I am reminded by this card of the stories I have heard from some Southerners about how their ancestors were kind to the slaves who worked on the plantations, as if this somehow excused human bondage.  Any partnership that is based in fear is not real, no matter how pretty the outward appearance may look.  A true connection is based on love and respect with no undercurrent of terror or anxiety.  Fear comes in many sizes and shapes, from the subtle to the obvious. So today I examine my relationships, and look for what binds me to them.

The oracle book and deck set I'll be using this week is Bird Signs, created by G.G. Carbone and Mary Ruzucka and published by New World Library.  Today's card is "Nutrition:"

When I first drew this card, I was shocked to see a cricket and worm on it until I remembered, "Ah, nutrition for birds."  The bugs, berries and seeds show the many food sources for birds; the message of the card encourages me to pay attention to how I feed my body, mind, and spirit.  Around 2am this morning, I woke up in a cold sweat, in pain and feeling sick.  The next thing I remember was coming to face down on the cold tile floor of the bathroom.  Though by noon today I am feeling much better, the experience was a wake-up call for me.  There's nothing wrong with helping others as long as I'm taking care of my needs too.