I use tarot and oracle cards as tools for reflection and contemplation. Rather than divining the future, they are a way for me to look more deeply at the "now."
"The goal isn't to arrive, but to meander, to saunter, to make your life a holy wandering." ~ Rami Shapiro

Friday, May 11, 2018

The Pathology of Altruism

From the Everyday Enchantment Tarot, the Queen of Cups; from the MentorSpirit Cards, 'Honesty:'
          This Queen has brought a cup of coffee for a homeless man and water and biscuits for his dog. She asks, "What else do you need?" The black and white image of the crowd that walks past them suggests she is, in fact, offering what he needs - compassionate attention. This woman must walk mindfully between the landmines of pity (I feel sorry for you), sympathy (I care about you), and empathy (I feel your pain) to arrive at compassion (I recognize your suffering, won't turn away from it, and would like to relieve it). Honesty in her case refers to self-honesty, the ability to know whether she is reacting or responding to a situation. She needs to be objective enough to realize when her desire to help is leaning towards pathological altruism. As Joan Halifax explains (who has long been involved in prison and hospice work): "...altruism that is not principled and grounded and characterized by insight can easily tip into harm. Part of it has to do with our capacity to get grounded and not to get overwhelmed ourselves by over-identification with someone who is suffering. Part of it is maintaining intentional balance and to keep in focus the clear intention of why we’re there, that is to benefit others."

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10 comments:

  1. Sharyn Mallow WoerzMay 11, 2018 at 9:17 AM

    react or respond. acres of thought fodder in those words.

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    1. thesycamoretreeMay 11, 2018 at 9:23 AM

      If my thinking has been hooked by my emotions, I'm generally in react mode.

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  2. Carolyn TindorMay 11, 2018 at 9:52 AM

    Compassion is want of my life's lessons. It comes and goes, thankfully I stays more often as a place of beginning for me than an after thought.

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    1. thesycamoretreeMay 11, 2018 at 3:14 PM

      I think it is for all people who aren't so self-absorbed that they are oblivious to the suffering of others. :)

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    2. Carolyn TindorMay 11, 2018 at 8:52 PM

      I think I need to be a bit compassionate with myself. Trouble spelling. Oh Carolyn

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    3. thesycamoretreeMay 12, 2018 at 5:49 AM

      My teachers tell me self-compassion is always the starting point. :)

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  3. EllenMay 11, 2018 at 2:23 PM

    Often when guilt is the motivator to help others, we react on triggers. We help out fear of not being good or kind enough. I am by far nothing like this queen. But she knows I am trying

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    1. thesycamoretreeMay 11, 2018 at 3:16 PM

      I imagine even this Queen has days when she enables rather than helps or turns her head rather than reaches out. :)

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  4. Inner WhispersMay 12, 2018 at 2:22 AM

    Love what you say about compassion! There are often beggars in London, and I have rarely managed to find my way to compassion with them. Often, there are alcohol or drug issues there, and I find that really hard to cope with. Guess I still have a lot to learn from this Queen...

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    1. thesycamoretreeMay 12, 2018 at 5:53 AM

      We have the same situation here with a lot of homeless folks - most with mental health issues, many veterans and many with substance abuse problems. I always feel like money will be used for drugs or alcohol, so I rarely give them money. I do try to support the food banks and shelters that offer them help though. Sometimes the heart is willing but the head just doesn't know the right thing to do!

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