From the Nigel Jackson Tarot, the Six of Swords; from the Wolf Pack, Caution:
I finally realized that we don’t get over it. In fact, trying to get over it isn’t even a rational thing to do. We will, ideally, move through it and move on, but it will always be something that happened to us. We are forever changed by our experiences.
~Crystal Jackson
I was talking to a friend the other night about an incident that happened years ago that she's stuffed deep inside; every now and then the shame overwhelms her. We often respond to anger, grief and shame by trying to cover it up or ignore it, by attempting to find a reason it happened or see the lesson in it. We simply (and reasonably) want to get away from what we feel. But the Caution card suggests that dealing with such emotions is a process. We must acknowledge and accept what happened, realizing that we can't change it. There may be some action or ritual we could do to honor our experience. We can then feel our feelings without the story around them, allowing them to pour through us and out of us (a therapist might be helpful). Eventually we will be ready to move on without dragging that anchor behind us.
It's one thing to know we ought to let go of old resentments and other soul-dragging emotions, and to say we are doing so; quite another to actually do it. I would like to know what the secret to success is! Maybe it's just a matter of letting them lay, and giving ourselves time.
ReplyDeleteI think time - recognizing that it's a process, not a 'one and done' thing - is a key. The other is to feel the emotion physically without replaying the past event over and over.
DeleteIf you’ve been the victim of violence for instance, you eventually realize that no amount of therapy can make the incident go away, it will always affect you, but the trick is not to let it consume you and keep you from developing. I also find that when someone close to you dies, it is a trauma that sits there, particularly when parents die. Nothing is ever the same but you just get along and live. I find it appalling when people say to someone who is grieving “Get over it!” Yes, you will get past the acute stage of grief but you don’t really get over it, it’s around ready to pop out at odd moments. Such is life
ReplyDeleteIt’smJudy, I keep forgetting to say.
DeleteYes, it is infuriating when people say 'just move on.' If only it were that easy. But it is a process that can't be rushed, no matter how uncomfortable it makes other people (which is probably why some people just try to stuff their feelings).
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