Paradox of Pain

From the Osho Zen Tarot, the Three of Swords; from the A'HA Oracle, Chameleon:

We must not allow ourselves to numb out or to deny or hide from the pain we are experiencing. We must allow our vulnerability to teach us. 

—Roshi Pat Enkyo O'Hara

          Padma calls this card 'ice-olation,' a phrase that fits perfectly. Pain can be isolating, particularly when we hold it inside or attempt to box it up and place it out of sight. I know this too well from years of practice. But hidden pain is like a viral infection; sooner or later we start to show symptoms. It is normal to hurt when we've experienced harm or loss, and it's healthy to feel the emotions with it. What makes me feel isolated is not the emotion but the thoughts I attach to it: "This isn't fair - I try to be a kind and compassionate person. I've been through more than anyone else has to endure. Life should not be this hard." The irony is that it is my pain that connects me to others and my thoughts of being singled out that makes me feel alone. The Chameleon card brings up the other extreme of pain - the empathic person who not only feels someone else's pain but takes it on as their own (thus compounding the problem rather than helping). In this case, I can be willing to sit with someone in pain so they don't have to be alone, yet I must realize I don't have the power to change his or her mind about the situation. Hopefully, if calmness is catching, common sense will come to light. 

Perhaps that’s the clue about the happiness inherent in caring connections: The frightened “I” who struggles is replaced by the “we” who do this difficult life together, looking after one other.

—Sylvia Boorstein